AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

Sky - £180!! We pay less than that in BbC, Netflix, Disney and prime!

dog - if it’s his dog, he pays

food - £1400 ! We pay £600 per month and that’s with three adults in the house. Who spends £350 per week on food for two adults! Even with added parents, that’s alot and you shouldn’t be subsidising them.

my home insurance for 5 bed is £400ish per year with accidental and home emergency. sky £180 pm!! No wonder he was hiding these figures

Got to say that even the language here rings alarm bells. Parents ‘getting off scott free’?? Money and getting what he thinks is owed to him for seems to be deeply entrenched for him. Not your job to unpick that or sacrifice your own security.

Yeah weird. Our insurance is £250 for the whole year. Not a small house by any means. Wonder if there are issues with the house or if he’s claimed before. It’s really high!

He was expecting you to pay £700 per month for food? Jog on mate. What a prime example of a cheeky greedy fucker. I’m speechless.
I am so glad you’re not going ahead with this. This is when Mumsnet is good, helping someone see how awful their partner is being and enabling them to make the decision to end it and enjoy their own life. I am sure he will be able to get a lodger quickly if he is offering such an amazing home and lifestyle 😂

I do also wonder if those were costs he was really paying, or just saying to others that he was paying whilst actually getting discounts on those ...!?

I'd have lost all trust by now

Erm if his parents are there then surely it’s divided by ALL the adults ?

No because he needs to preserve his inheritance.

He wants you to pay for walking his dog! 😵‍💫

Plus the food bill is astronomical- even if that includes food for his parents, making it divisible by 4, it’s still a wild amount.

It is possible the house is in joint names with his parents if they sold their property in order to contribute to the large house purchase. Then, as he has no siblings, he would inherit their share when they die

Sky £180!!!!!!!!! Mine is £46 with sky sports.. I don’t think they even do a package that costs that.

His CFery is off the scale

Where is this house, La La Land?

You're absolutely right to walk away from this OP, aside from the issue that you'll end up caring for his parents, he's completely unrealistic about the costs of this house. Either he's financially illiterate or he's rinsing you for his living costs.

£1400 for food? Did he not think you would question this? 😳

And it’s his dog I take it but you have to pay half the walking costs?

Can’t his parents walk the dog and clean ? That’s a few quid saved

£150 a month for Council Tax? Is that your contribution or the total monthly cost? If the latter he's lying. I pay £197 a month for 10 months on a 2 bed ex council house, band C.

Jheez OP, if he wanted a holiday that badly and earns decent money why didn't he take you away for a weekend even. He doesn't sound great tbh

You can't fault his process

1. decide he wants an enormous house
2. gets his parents to contribute to building costs
3. gets you involved in the actual physical building so that you neglect your own house
4. parents move in . they won't get off 'scott free' they have to contribute to bills
5. asks you to move in. you will of course contribute to the mortgage & huge bills associated with having a huge house. & the mortgage. & extra ridiculously inflated costs like dog walking
6. get you to care for his elderly parents, run the house. be his bed mate , emotional support
7. parents are 80s & frail. they will die in the next 10 years max
8. He inherits house, any money they have, big chunk of mortgage oaid
9. can ask you to leave, You have nothing

This is crazy prices!

Are these all per month costs? And do they equate to your 50% or the whole cost? Either way they seem extortionately high (except the council tax).

This. Perhaps he’s cleverer than we thought!

Do his parents need specialised food?

I think I spend loads on food and it's about £700 a month for three of us. Sky is just over £100 (you always haggle with them! They will reduce the costs!)

I suspect this prince among men was actually going to get the OP and his parents to pay half his mortgage and costs each so he would end up paying nothing himself.

I know, CF behaviour is fascinating.

The nerve of him to nonchalantly attempt to fuck her over and be wounded when it doesn't go to plan is wild.

It's horrible for OP as this is her life at the moment. I can't imagine what it felt like when she started to see the reality unfold. His swerving of any discussion about the finances and trying to lead her into this with half the story.

I'm glad she's going to focus on finishing her house now and kick his ridiculous plans into the long grass.

The £1400 a month on food blows my mind. Does he have caviar on toast for breakfast?

How much for food? I don't spend anywhere a third of that for 6!

Do you think he actually knows he's fucking her over? Or has he genuinely convinced himself this is in everyone's best interests?

I would LOVE a proper look at that spreadsheet!