Page 4 | To cancel this date?

Letterstoyou · 2026-04-19T05:04:52+00:00

I've got a first date tonight. Off one of the apps. We've been talking on the app for about a week. He seems nice enough. I just dont want to go. Ive been single 6 years and feel like no one will ever want me. The last two men that I really liked, one had issues and then ghosted me and one said he couldn't commit to a relationship. I dont want something casual, it makes me feel used. I just feel like I've got nothing to offer on this date tonight. I'm not funny or pretty or interesting. Im fat (Ive tried everything including therapy and weight loss injections but got pancreatitis and had to stop) I dont want to sit in a restaurant and make small talk with a stranger. Its so hard because it would be nice to meet someone who is nice but the dating process is awful.

Original poster

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 16:05

I had a panic attack and cancelled. Feel terrible and so guilty. I (stupidly) hadnt realised im not in the right place for dating. Im not in the right frame of mind to go. Will come off the app (I'm only on one) and try and work on myself for a bit.

OP posts:

JHound · 19/04/2026 16:18

I think you should give it a go but if try to date with a negative mindset it will make it worse.

I do empathise though. I absolutely hate the dating process with a passion so knocked it on the head years ago!

Thechaseison71 · 19/04/2026 16:49

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 12:58

Reported. No need for that at all.

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Well she has a point. It is rude to mess people about

JMSA · 19/04/2026 16:59

Not a meal, not a coffee. Drink!!! 😜

ARKane · 19/04/2026 17:59

Thechaseison71 · 19/04/2026 16:49

Well she has a point. It is rude to mess people about

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She panicked and lost her nerve. There’s a difference between that and deliberately messing someone about.

Original poster

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 18:08

ARKane · 19/04/2026 17:59

She panicked and lost her nerve. There’s a difference between that and deliberately messing someone about.

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I never intended to mess anyone around. I am struggling clearly unfortunately and I didnt realise that I wasnt ready for this. I have a desire to not be on my own for another 6 years but clearly I'm not in the right place.

OP posts:

ARKane · 19/04/2026 18:23

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 18:08

I never intended to mess anyone around. I am struggling clearly unfortunately and I didnt realise that I wasnt ready for this. I have a desire to not be on my own for another 6 years but clearly I'm not in the right place.

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It’s very understandable @Letterstoyou
I really hope that things improve for you and you meet someone nice.
In an ideal world I would suggest that you let this guy know exactly what happened, but I don’t really think it’s a good idea to advertise your vulnerability to a virtual stranger so I’d say just leave it.
Have you tried antidepressants? Low self esteem can be an indicator of depression. In some people it’s actually the main feature. My own self esteem is a lot better when I’ve got my mood under control with ADs.

Tink3rbell30 · 19/04/2026 18:26

Yes. Staying single is best when you feel like that.

Original poster

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 18:40

ARKane · 19/04/2026 18:23

It’s very understandable @Letterstoyou
I really hope that things improve for you and you meet someone nice.
In an ideal world I would suggest that you let this guy know exactly what happened, but I don’t really think it’s a good idea to advertise your vulnerability to a virtual stranger so I’d say just leave it.
Have you tried antidepressants? Low self esteem can be an indicator of depression. In some people it’s actually the main feature. My own self esteem is a lot better when I’ve got my mood under control with ADs.

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Yeah I've tried ten different types, been on them since I was sixteen.

OP posts:

Original poster

Letterstoyou · 19/04/2026 18:41

ARKane · 19/04/2026 18:23

It’s very understandable @Letterstoyou
I really hope that things improve for you and you meet someone nice.
In an ideal world I would suggest that you let this guy know exactly what happened, but I don’t really think it’s a good idea to advertise your vulnerability to a virtual stranger so I’d say just leave it.
Have you tried antidepressants? Low self esteem can be an indicator of depression. In some people it’s actually the main feature. My own self esteem is a lot better when I’ve got my mood under control with ADs.

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Thank you for your kindness x

OP posts:

Missj25 · 19/04/2026 23:10

Upsidedownagain · 19/04/2026 07:21

I've never had therapy for self esteem issues but I'm somewhat sceptical about it. My view is you can build self esteem by putting yourself out there and succeeding. My self esteem hasn't always been the best, but it fluctuates dependent on my experiences/ mood.

Maybe a restaurant meal with a stranger isn't something you can handle right now - it's quite daunting and intense if you are not feeling good about yourself. IMO it would be better to arrange a walk (where you don't need to face each other all the time) or visit a place of interest where you can talk about what you see if conversation doesn't flow all the time.

But also you need to see dating as a vetting process- you of them, as well as vice versa. You might click with him but if you don't, at least you've tried and you can move on.

But you have to believe you are a worthy attractive person - even if he doesn't find you so. Because otherwise no one you meet will believe it either. Most women are not technically drop dead gorgeous/ slim etc. A lot of them have partners who are attracted to them though! But it may take a while to find the right one.

Perhaps, as bedrn suggested you need to just find hobbies and friends first to boost your self esteem.

Edited

Yes , this 💯 👌.
You do need to be in the right headspace before entering into the dating world .
OP you’re mindset is wholly “ What if he doesn’t like me “ ,

That’s the worst frame of mind ever to be in .
Like PP has advised above , hobbies & Friends to boost your self esteem & then consider dating.