To cancel this date?

[Letterstoyou]

I've got a first date tonight. Off one of the apps. We've been talking on the app for about a week. He seems nice enough.
I just dont want to go. Ive been single 6 years and feel like no one will ever want me. The last two men that I really liked, one had issues and then ghosted me and one said he couldn't commit to a relationship. I dont want something casual, it makes me feel used.
I just feel like I've got nothing to offer on this date tonight. I'm not funny or pretty or interesting. Im fat (Ive tried everything including therapy and weight loss injections but got pancreatitis and had to stop)
I dont want to sit in a restaurant and make small talk with a stranger.
Its so hard because it would be nice to meet someone who is nice but the dating process is awful.

Don't frame it as a date. Think of it as "I'm going to meet a potential new friend". If you click then BONUS!
I would avoid long drawn out events like a meal in case you don't like him, or anything involving alcohol so you keep your wits about you.
Change it to coffee or bowling or something similar.

The truth?

No don’t cancel OP! Please go!

You will regret not going, more than you regret going.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
Look at this as a way to get some practice in the dating game.
This is just a practice interview for the real thing.

He will be just as nervous as you are.
He probably has low self esteem and you cancelling could make him feel like crap.

Get out of your head and just think fuck it what’s the worst that could happen.

Well don’t go then

Why bother talking and setting up a date just to cancel last minute and waste someone's time? Pretty fucking rude

Go on the date! You might surprise yourself. Or change the plan to coffee if you’d prefer that, more casual and less intense.

I would try and go if you can just push yourself a bit to do so.

I do hear you though. Dating is hard work! I’m in my mid 50s and just thinking about dipping my toe in and it’s pretty daunting.

When I am nervous about a social event, I say to myself that I can leave after half an hour. That somehow helps, just giving a bit of control or even take it down to 5 minutes!! Small steps. You can do this.

Why not go, but just reframe it as meeting a potential friend.
Dating apps are tough, but just because it hasn't worked out before doesn't mean you won't have a nice time this evening.
Presumably he has seen your photos and knows what you look like, and wants to meet you.
You don't have to be the funniest, most interesting, slimmest, most beautiful person to have a relationship. There are beautiful people who struggle to find love, and there are much plainer people who are in relationships. It's just about finding someone with whom you click.
If the alternative is sitting at home on your own feeling sad, why not just go - you might not find your person but you might still have a nice time.

I used to grans these things as practice. If you wanted a new job you’d probably apply for a few roles and attend sone for interview practice. You’d not want to go straight for a civil service 5 person panel on interview 1!
so a full meal with a total stranger is a lot and most people do not do that for a first meet up. Maybe if it’s someone you know from work or friends who you have met a few times as a group you would. But not a total stranger who you could meet and they are totally not what their profile said and you are stuck with at least finishing a main course before can leave!

This.

Sorry you’re feeling so low. It’s a vicious circle - if you met someone nice who made you feel a bit special it would lift your spirits and give you back some confidence, but it’s impossible to meet that someone while you feel so unmotivated.

A dinner date is too much pressure. Expectations are too high and it makes you feel like a failure if it doesn’t go well. A coffee or a walk in the park would be far more relaxed. You don’t even have to think about it as a date. Just think of it as a bit of company for an hour. There’s no need to worry about anything that may or may not develop from it.

Hope you find your way to a solution. Good luck!

Reported. No need for that at all.

Totally agree that I shouldn't have agreed to dinner. He asked me as a "I suggest you let me take you out for dinner somewhere lovely" so I felt like it would've been rude to say no but I realise now I should've just said it would be lovely to meet you, can we start with a drink.

Just go you may be missing someone really nice, it's just one evening. If you don't enjoy it or don't like him as much as you hoped you never have to see him again. He may be really looking forward to meeting you.

Not as rude as you.

You are assuming there is nothing to like about you but what if that assumption is incorrect? The guy is interested in you, has been chatting, and invited you on a date- these are all indications that there are qualities about you that he does like. If you never give yourself the chance, how will you find someone? Dating is hard, it takes a lot to put oneself out there and be open to different experiences. But that is all part of the learning- you learn more about yourself and about various kinds of men. You are nervous- tell him that. I personally won't cancel the date last minute, it's a negative experience for both parties. I know I wud be disappointed if someone did that to me for no specific reason. Dress up, enjoy a nice meal, and hopefully even better company. Don't let the potential outcome of the date deter you.

I haven't even cancelled so get lost.

Did you mean to quote me? If you did then you're batshit, I was calling out the potty-mouthed poster.

My mistake and I apologise, I thought you were talking to me. I'm not batshit, I made a mistake.

You are still going on the date?

Just be honest with him don't mess him around. I also suggest you leave dating apps for a while.

I had a feeling you didn't mean me.

if I were you, I'd get in touch with the date and try to reschedule for a coffee in the daytime instead.

Go somewhere public where there's scope to go for a walk/look around afterwards.

It's much easier to chat when not sitting facing each other and eating.

If you realise that there's no click it's easier to leave than when you're having a meal.

Good luck.

Report me if you like it's still rude to waste people time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I. Haven't. Cancelled.

So why are you wasting your time postig?