To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

Who on earth slaps an arse in the 21st century?? That went out with On The Buses! I'm not sure where you go from here but do something that teaches them a lesson.

So sorry this happened OP and I see you’ve had good advice already from others. I wonder if you could ask for the whole team to undertake some Equality and Diversity and Bullying and Harassment training. Could the FD make this a mandatory part of training for anyone who works with/for them perhaps?

I was a teenager in the early 2000s and the boys used to chase me and my friends down the corridors at school to slap our backsides. It was humiliating, sometimes painful and incredibly tiresome!! We reported it to many staff, many times, but it was always brushed away as ‘boys will be boys’ and we were asked to consider whether our skirts needed to be as ‘short and tight’!!

I’m so sick and tired of this outdated behaviour!

I would report this to the police having read your post about how he's done it before. As women we're conditioned to downplay assaults like this and not make a fuss. Fuck. That.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I still remember men doing things like this to me decades ago, it does not leave you.

I agree. That is what you should do.

you, in turn, are very thoughtful and considered. I think your intended course of action is a very measured and intelligent way to go.

You’ve been assaulted; a man has slapped you regardless of where on your body that was he has hit you unprovoked; witnessed by others; it’s a simple case report it to the police; the fact it’s your backside adds was it sexually motivated? Possibly but maybe not you say he’s an older man; how many younger ladies has he done that to? And how many more will he go on to do it too ? You’ve every right to report it to the police.
And well done for standing up for yourself I’m afraid my self defence would have kicked in & he’d have got a right hook & they’d have been a pall bearer short

This guy definitely has some Harvey Weinstein/Noel Clarke vibes going on there - got himself where he wants, others make excuses about that's what he's like, and smooth things over, while he carries on with his criminal offences preying on those who have little power.

Actually, maybe it's going to be more like Jimmy savile - once he's dead people will stop propping him up.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do OP, perhaps if you report him for his crime you will be primarily protecting future victims at your own expense.

Maybe report it to the firm that hired you to be there. As I'm assuming they have some responsibility to safeguard the people they hire while they are under there employ. As agsin I assume he was either contracted too or employed by them. I think this should be your first instance and see what they say first.

They were literally right there with me as it happened.

Sorry, ive just caightvup reading your replies...ive just come off a 24 hr shift so brain function is depleted 😆

I mean yeah fair enough!! You'll be bushed

Maybe if he's been told off before and has dine this agsin andcthe message isn't sinking in a visit from the police might actually get it to sink in.

Maybe a police report of sexual assault at work will get him to actually realise that thats exactly what it is. The apologiesxare obviously just lip service if he's a repeat offender.

How are you feeling now @IneedAniffler after a night's sleep and a bit of time to process it?

I too am staggered at the responses of those minimising this, if you change the original post to leave out the body part that was hit I'd be intrigued to see how different the responses would be.

Its absolutely your call to make on whether to report the assault through the police/legal channels and nobody else can or should make that decision for you.

For me the minimum amount of action I would be taking next is to arrange a meeting with the FD and any other relevant people and inform them that you want this on record that you have been assaulted, personally I would request it to be classed as a physical assault rather than a sexual assault although I'm not sure I can articulate clearly why, I'll attempt to though!

A sexual assault has a different intent, I also think that classing it as a sexual assault will result in eye rolling/she's overreacting/being taken less seriously (wrongly obviously but as you've already alluded to in your posts sadly true) than if you present it as a physical assault, just look at the responses on here, if the hit was on any other body part... I think speaking about it and clearly saying I would like to discuss the physical assault that happened and not emphasising where you were hit but keeping it solely to the fact that you were hit will result in it being taken more seriously.

I'm waffling now and not even sure I'm making sense, good old peri brain fog!! I'm sorry this happened to you and I do think that bringing it up formally and having it recorded that it happened is the right way forward. You can explain that whilst you appreciate the apology at the time if it hadn't have been the case that the deceased family were waiting on you that you would have wanted the meeting to have taken place immediately as being physically assaulted requires more than a brush off apology

This

Mixed feelings , was he 100% wrong ? Yes . Woudo I go to the police and potentially destroy his life and career over it ? I’m not sure , depends on the person who did it , was this out of character , has he been ok prior to this , is he an awful person ?

The OP has said that this person has done this many times before, despite being challenged and told it is inappropriate. He is also retired and works for the funeral director occasionally so not going to lose a career.

Id write to the funeral home where this took place, stating events and you will not be attending them if this person is there. Id also query what steps they have took in the matter to discipline the person.

Saying the word sorry is not the same thing as offering a sincere apology.

I just crashed into your car and drove off, sorry.
I just took £100 from your purse, sorry.
I just grabbed your breast for a sexual thrill, sorry.
I just kidnapped your child, sorry.

Oh well, that’ll all be absolutely fine, you said sorry!

Yes he has done it before.

Bearers don't work for the funeral home and rarely set foot there. They are hired to the director and arrive at the crematorium to carry. A few big companies hire their own but independents don't.

@Teddybear23I suggest you read all of my posts before minimising what's happened here.

If you'd read my post you'd see that literally everyone that works for this business was there in person

You seem determined to wilfully ignore that putting this on record with the police is an end in itself.

This is why I'm ignoring this poster - completely unhinged