Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

428 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 21:48

I fully trust him with the baby also

That'll be the baby he had mutilated?

blubberyboo · 22/04/2026 22:08

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 21:26

Look

Visits do not need to be supervised, nor does anyone have to be present. Stop making it out as if he is a danger to our child, he loves him and would never bring any harm to him, I fully trust him with the baby also.

If you fully trusted him then you would be able to tell him very firmly and clearly to stop getting his nose into your business.

you are not his wife. He does not get to suggest dictate or command any aspect of your home, life or parenting. The fact you let him away with comments like “ not while I’m here” proves that you are afraid of speaking back to him to some degree.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 22:10

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 21:48

I fully trust him with the baby also

That'll be the baby he had mutilated?

I don’t even know why you are mentioning that, it’s none of your business my baby is not your baby.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 22:10

I’ve had enough of people trying to put me down, if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t comment.

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 22/04/2026 23:18

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 22:10

I’ve had enough of people trying to put me down, if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t comment.

You’re in the wrong place, love.

You don’t need gentle platitudes, you need a kick up the arse.

It’s sounding more and more like a wind up post because there is no way you can honestly believe this man has good intentions just with the things you’ve posted about here.

You have made awful decisions which resulted in a baby, about which you made some more awful decisions. And you are still making awful decisions. If you want this to be your life, crack on, but please stop posting drivel about him trying to protect you or being a good father. The man is utter SCUM.

SisterThorn · 22/04/2026 23:29

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 22:10

I don’t even know why you are mentioning that, it’s none of your business my baby is not your baby.

Because you had a bit of your baby cut off to make this man happy.

I cant understand why you are posting, he is an abusive arsehole but you dont care. You dont care about your child, as you are willing to let him see how this 'man' is treating you and you accept it as normal.

None of this is normal, from the start he has shown what kind of lowlife he is, and what youre doing is licking his boots while he kicks you.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 06:52

He is now accusing me of going to my mums house in effort to stop him seeing the baby.

I said that he is free to come here, but that’s not good enough for him.

I tried to make him understand that I come here for a break (he said that I shouldn’t need a break for my own child) he just doesn’t get it.

Even had the audacity to ask if my mums house is clean, like I’d bring my child to an unclean house.

I need a break for being alone, and I’m most happiest when I’m around people.

I don’t know how much longer I can play fair with him, because he is really bringing me down.

OP posts:
SunnyRedSnail · 23/04/2026 07:05

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 06:52

He is now accusing me of going to my mums house in effort to stop him seeing the baby.

I said that he is free to come here, but that’s not good enough for him.

I tried to make him understand that I come here for a break (he said that I shouldn’t need a break for my own child) he just doesn’t get it.

Even had the audacity to ask if my mums house is clean, like I’d bring my child to an unclean house.

I need a break for being alone, and I’m most happiest when I’m around people.

I don’t know how much longer I can play fair with him, because he is really bringing me down.

You've been given lots of good advice.

I suggest putting your phone away for the day and enjoying time with your baby.

BudgetBuster · 23/04/2026 07:05

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 21:26

Look

Visits do not need to be supervised, nor does anyone have to be present. Stop making it out as if he is a danger to our child, he loves him and would never bring any harm to him, I fully trust him with the baby also.

But you shouldn't trust him...
He is a clear danger. Surely even you can see his behaviour is detrimental to you (and therefore by default your baby)?

It's almost as if you won't believe it until it happens

BuckChuckets · 23/04/2026 09:39

BudgetBuster · 23/04/2026 07:05

But you shouldn't trust him...
He is a clear danger. Surely even you can see his behaviour is detrimental to you (and therefore by default your baby)?

It's almost as if you won't believe it until it happens

It's almost as if it's just rage bait...

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 11:54

I’ve come here for support and someone to speak to but now I’m getting accused of rage baiting, I don’t want to hear that.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 23/04/2026 15:33

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately I think people are trying to help you by pointing out just how awful the father of your child is. They are all seeing what you aren't or what you are refusing to see.

He is controlling
He is a liar and a cheat
He is abusive
He treats you like a doormat (and you let him)
He doesn't respect you (or his wife and, I suspect, women in general)

You and your baby are entitled to a life free from this kind of abuse. His "rights" don't trump yours.

Accept the help and support from your family to get away from him and your horrible ex, and try to find a way to build up some self esteem so that you can raise your bar when it comes to men. You don't need a man in your life to feel valued or validated.

Wishing you all the best 💐

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 16:48

RampantIvy · 23/04/2026 15:33

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately I think people are trying to help you by pointing out just how awful the father of your child is. They are all seeing what you aren't or what you are refusing to see.

He is controlling
He is a liar and a cheat
He is abusive
He treats you like a doormat (and you let him)
He doesn't respect you (or his wife and, I suspect, women in general)

You and your baby are entitled to a life free from this kind of abuse. His "rights" don't trump yours.

Accept the help and support from your family to get away from him and your horrible ex, and try to find a way to build up some self esteem so that you can raise your bar when it comes to men. You don't need a man in your life to feel valued or validated.

Wishing you all the best 💐

I am away from my ex, I don’t want to cut all contact with my son’s father. I just want him to stop telling me what to do and trying to keep tabs on me.

He has apologised for his rudeness and said that he was annoyed because of the way I spoke to him.

He also said that it upsets him that he can’t always be around the baby the same way he is around his other children, if he wakes up in the middle of the night he can check on them but not our baby.

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 23/04/2026 17:25

Well, that’s what happens when you have secret babies with other women, dickhead.

And he actually doesn’t have “rights” at all. He has responsibilities. Which includes making sure his child’s primary care giver is healthy and well supported.

But I don’t think you’ll ever get it OP. Because you’ll have to face up to what you’ve done and that it’s only you that can fix it.

(I’ll bet here and now that in 12 months you’ll have zero contact with anyone but Dickhead and he’ll be dictating your every moment.)

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/04/2026 17:45

I just want him to stop telling me what to do and trying to keep tabs on me.

But you won't remove him from your Ring bell and you tell him when you are going places that are none of his business like your mum's.

Also I will 10000000% guarantee this man does not wake in the middle of the night and check on his kids.

JHound · 23/04/2026 17:46

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/04/2026 15:01

Thank you 🤗

I've already talked to her on the phone, and she couldn't believe it since he seems like such a nice guy.

A “nice guy” who cheats on his wife and kids.

But at least I understand more of what you can’t see given the guidance you would have received from your mother.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 18:18

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/04/2026 17:45

I just want him to stop telling me what to do and trying to keep tabs on me.

But you won't remove him from your Ring bell and you tell him when you are going places that are none of his business like your mum's.

Also I will 10000000% guarantee this man does not wake in the middle of the night and check on his kids.

I have already taken him off it, and when I return home in a few days time I will be giving him access.

I will not allow him to keep tabs on me, I don’t think he’d lie about such a thing, but who knows.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 07:10

I have already taken him off it, and when I return home in a few days time I will be giving him access.

Why, for goodness sake?
How can you not see that this is controlling behaviour?

He has no right to know your every movement. You are enabling his behaviour.

PollyBell · 24/04/2026 07:13

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/04/2026 16:48

I am away from my ex, I don’t want to cut all contact with my son’s father. I just want him to stop telling me what to do and trying to keep tabs on me.

He has apologised for his rudeness and said that he was annoyed because of the way I spoke to him.

He also said that it upsets him that he can’t always be around the baby the same way he is around his other children, if he wakes up in the middle of the night he can check on them but not our baby.

He is sounding more and more deluded, I would advise him to get help not sure how to fluffy it up for it to sound better

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 12:31

RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 07:10

I have already taken him off it, and when I return home in a few days time I will be giving him access.

Why, for goodness sake?
How can you not see that this is controlling behaviour?

He has no right to know your every movement. You are enabling his behaviour.

Sorry, I meant I will NOT be giving him access.

If he does ask, I’ll ask him if I can have access to his ring door bell footage.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 12:33

PollyBell · 24/04/2026 07:13

He is sounding more and more deluded, I would advise him to get help not sure how to fluffy it up for it to sound better

Him saying that, doesn’t make him deluded. He is a man who loves his children. What is deluded about checking on your children if you wake up in the middle of the night? When my son gets older and has his own bedroom, I can see myself doing the same thing.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 12:36

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 12:31

Sorry, I meant I will NOT be giving him access.

If he does ask, I’ll ask him if I can have access to his ring door bell footage.

Phew!

TellHerToFuckOff · 24/04/2026 13:19

This can’t possibly be your real life? No one’s self worth and care for their child can be so lacking. What exactly are you going to tell your son when he’s older? When he doesn’t see his father except when he calls round to control and abuse you, when he knows nothing about his fathers life, because he’s got a family already that your poor child is being hidden from like a dirty little secret.

You should be ashamed of yourself to be honest. What a terrible life to build for your child, his mental health is going to suffer so badly when he understands he’s being hidden from his siblings and his father is a scumbag.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 24/04/2026 13:45

When my son gets older and has his own bedroom, I can see myself doing the same thing

Oh I doubt that. I know when he's a baby you're in the habit of checking on him (and rightly so) but you'll be so glad when he's in his own room and sleeping through the night that you won't want to disturb him.

BTW I do not believe that your boyfriend checks on his DC during the night. Parents don't check on healthy children - there's absolutely no need to do this. He's just pretending to you that he does, because he's a controlling POS.

You need to get him out of your life and out of your son's life, too.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 14:04

TellHerToFuckOff · 24/04/2026 13:19

This can’t possibly be your real life? No one’s self worth and care for their child can be so lacking. What exactly are you going to tell your son when he’s older? When he doesn’t see his father except when he calls round to control and abuse you, when he knows nothing about his fathers life, because he’s got a family already that your poor child is being hidden from like a dirty little secret.

You should be ashamed of yourself to be honest. What a terrible life to build for your child, his mental health is going to suffer so badly when he understands he’s being hidden from his siblings and his father is a scumbag.

Believe me, I am ashamed of myself that’s why I am here.

I feel so uncomfortable discussing this with my friends and family.

I am disgusted with myself!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread