AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

[lifesbeenfeelingheavylately]

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

Ok

He is NOT my boyfriend, he is my sons father.

I have been in contact with him today, he said that his wife is going away for the weekend with his kids, so it would be nice if we could spend the weekend together.

I obviously told him NO, because I can actually see myself sleeping with him again, and I really don’t want that to happen.

I told him that he is free to see the baby, but there will be no staying over or out-staying his welcome.

I had to ask him again, doesn’t he feel the least bit guilty and how does he go to sleep at night knowing what’s going on.

He said he does feel guilty but he loves his son, and it was meant to be and that he goes to sleep happy because he has something to look forward to.

Right, well at least you know this is not normal or healthy for either you or your boy, because a lot of your posts really don’t convey that.

My advice to you would be to completely cut contact with him, block him on all channels, do not open the door, completely avoid.

Force this man to take you to court for access, force him to stop treating your son like a horrible secret and get everything out in the open.

Dont be afraid of cutting contact with your son, it would be better for your son not to see him at all, than to grow up constantly wondering why he’s not good enough for his father to have him in his life. Wondering what is wrong with him that his dad treats him like a dirty secret in comparison to his other children. This would be infinitely more harmful to your son than simply not seeing him. But it may not come to that either.

You really need to step up and sort this out for your boy, and for yourself. You can’t go on living like this OP. He’s treating you like some sort of dirty concubine over which he has complete control. Regain your bloody self respect, you’re worth more than this.

Jesus OP, will you please, for the love of god, cop yourself on.

Tell him to go fuck himself, until a time when he has told his wife and stops treating both you and your son like property he owns. Why are you allowing your son to be treated like this?

He said he does feel guilty but he loves his son, and it was meant to be and that he goes to sleep happy because he has something to look forward to.

and fuck everyone else. It’s all about him. And you’re playing his game.

He doesn't love his children enough to be faithful though...

What does he think will happen to his relationship with his children when this all blows up and they find out what a cheating, stalkerish scumbag their dad is?

He's not too worried about his kids when he's staying out all night riding who knows!

Maybe find another hobby then, not rage baiting.

🤣

Absolute rage baiting and complete nonsense likely written by mnhq. Only someone being paid would have the time to make up this much absolute nonsense.

I take accountability

You must also be going through it in life.

How, exactly?

Are your family in a different area from which the police moved you OP?

I know what I’ve done is wrong. I should have never have kept the baby.

Yes, it’s not in the same borough. Even though I get very lonely I miss being there because it’s new and very nice, I don’t want to be at my mums house.

OP, WTF, you had every right to keep your baby. You slept with a married man, you have to live with that… but what you’re actually doing wrong now is the entire set up since your child came along.

I am glad that I did decide to keep him, I know it’s all wrong, but nothing is ever going to change that.

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two parent home, my child will never have that.

I dread to think what things will be like as he gets older and learns to speak and starts to ask questions.

Did you know he was married?

Nobody is saying your son shouldn’t exist.

But you are wanting him to have a father he will never have. Because the kind of man that behaves like this will never be that sort of father. Every decision he makes is for his benefit. He wanted sex with you, so he had it despite the commitments he made to his wife and children. And he knows you’ll accept titbits of attention dressed up as care that are just about manipulating you to give him what he wants. You admitted you would likely sleep with him if you spent a longer period of time with him. You’re craving a “normal” family but he will never give you that. He wants control - to the point of persuading you to cut part of your perfect baby boy off for literally no reason.

He’s a toad and he’s going to milk you dry.

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two-parent home; my child will never have that.

Jeez OP that statement is all kinds of fucked up.

His other children get a cheating, controlling scumbag for a father, who was planning to be unfaithful to their mum yet again this weekend. Ugh.
Poor kids.

I think his wife will divorce him anyway, eventually. She'll also be subjected to his controlling behaviour and probably suspects him of cheating, too.

He made me get our baby circumcised,

Why did you allow it?

You could have prevented this. You are the child's mother yet you won't even advocate for him. What culture is the father?

Yes, I have known him for a long while.

I did it to please him, he is a Christian so it wasn’t done for cultural reasons.

He told me that she always says she’s leaving him but never leaves.