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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

712 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:55

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 11:39

Are you okay? I would never ever use my son as a pawn!

What power games are you even speaking about?

I have let his father have every thing his own way since the baby was born.

I let him name him, he had his surname, so how am I using my child as a pawn?

I think you need to read back over the thread, because the two things you’ve mentioned do not make sense!

Haha, you are completely delusional. Either that or completely lacking in self-awareness, or any semblance of integrity or class.

Why keep sleeping with him then? Giving him all the power with regards your son really isn’t the “innocent victim” flex you think it is. You are just letting your son down by putting this cheating twat’s ego (and your own, infantile logic “oh I just fancy him”) above his welfare.

You’ll be back here in a few years with threads about your useless “baby daddy” and “unfair” Social Services involvement..

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:55

Haha, you are completely delusional. Either that or completely lacking in self-awareness, or any semblance of integrity or class.

Why keep sleeping with him then? Giving him all the power with regards your son really isn’t the “innocent victim” flex you think it is. You are just letting your son down by putting this cheating twat’s ego (and your own, infantile logic “oh I just fancy him”) above his welfare.

You’ll be back here in a few years with threads about your useless “baby daddy” and “unfair” Social Services involvement..

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 03/05/2026 13:21

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

You make me sick.

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 13:26

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

In an earlier post you said you didn't want to break up the marriage.

You contradict everything you say.

Your behaviour is contemptible and hypocritical and devoid of any kind of logical or critical thinking.

I'm not sure that this thread is real. No-one is this thick.

Or it is rage bait by someone who is bored.

ItTook9Years · 03/05/2026 13:53

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

Okay. Ha ha. Joke is on all of us. What an absolute waste of everyone’s time.

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 13:58

Has anyone asked MNHQ if this is a genuine poster?
It feels as if we are being played.

BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:00

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

Do you have learning difficulties @lifesbeenfeelingheavylately ?

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:00

Do you have learning difficulties @lifesbeenfeelingheavylately ?

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

happychops · 03/05/2026 14:20

A nod of the head or a small wave of acknowledgment is all they get from me!

BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:22

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

Yeah I think the more the OP says, the more I think she may have additional needs. Even if it was a trolley post... I think you'd need to a certain level of person to come up with this story.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:39

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

A slag is someone who sleeps with numerous people, I have never been a slag in my life.

Yes, I was sleeping with him whilst my ex was in prison, we were still in a relationship at the time.

I don’t see how being intimate with one person is being a slag.

What attitude do I have towards his wife? I have never ever disrespected her or said anything about.

Men cheat, married or not. I am pretty sure if I was male I would do the same thing now and again.

No, I didn’t keep the baby to keep him in my life, he would always be in my life, all I had to do in the past is call him and tell him I am at home alone, and I don’t like being alone.

My baby is fine and will always be loved.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:40

Swiftie1878 · 03/05/2026 13:21

You make me sick.

GOOD!

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 15:42

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:39

A slag is someone who sleeps with numerous people, I have never been a slag in my life.

Yes, I was sleeping with him whilst my ex was in prison, we were still in a relationship at the time.

I don’t see how being intimate with one person is being a slag.

What attitude do I have towards his wife? I have never ever disrespected her or said anything about.

Men cheat, married or not. I am pretty sure if I was male I would do the same thing now and again.

No, I didn’t keep the baby to keep him in my life, he would always be in my life, all I had to do in the past is call him and tell him I am at home alone, and I don’t like being alone.

My baby is fine and will always be loved.

This actually makes you sound worse, which I didn’t think possible!!!

you have zero morals, zero class, I’d put money on you having a neck tattoo.

he is married for fuck sake! How low is your self esteem that you will throw yourself at him despite him choosing his wife and “real family” over and over?!

OMG IS HE KYLE WALKER?!!!!

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 15:53

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 15:42

This actually makes you sound worse, which I didn’t think possible!!!

you have zero morals, zero class, I’d put money on you having a neck tattoo.

he is married for fuck sake! How low is your self esteem that you will throw yourself at him despite him choosing his wife and “real family” over and over?!

OMG IS HE KYLE WALKER?!!!!

I do not have any tattoos and I don’t plan to get any, I am the opposite to what you think I am, and don’t be so rude.

Kyle Walker isn’t even good looking, and I like my men more melanated.

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 16:25

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 15:53

I do not have any tattoos and I don’t plan to get any, I am the opposite to what you think I am, and don’t be so rude.

Kyle Walker isn’t even good looking, and I like my men more melanated.

“Your men”?!!!!

you mean an incarcerated criminal and a married cheat?

yeah you have impeccable taste love, really you seem like a super smart and classy lady….

Jesus, the shark has truly been jumped with this.

ItTook9Years · 03/05/2026 16:26

Almost looking forward to the wife finding out, kicking him out and him bringing his 3 other kids around to stay at your shoebox. I guess that’s when reality might actually hit.

nam3c4ang3 · 03/05/2026 16:30

this Is the only time I so desperately wanted this to be a troll post - I reported it and Mumsnet have said it isn’t. I pity the child in this mess. Op - I feel sad you value yourself so little - you must feel like the lowest of the lows to allow him to sleep with you and laugh at you. I’m so sorry that you see yourself as so worthless. Most of all - i am so sorry for that child with a father like that, and a mother who sees no value in herself, what a very, very sad start to his life. This thread - is sad.

nam3c4ang3 · 03/05/2026 16:35

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 13:58

Has anyone asked MNHQ if this is a genuine poster?
It feels as if we are being played.

Edited

I have - thread and OP are real. Sad isn’t it?

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 16:37

Bye ✌️

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 16:38

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 16:37

Bye ✌️

Happy shagging cheater

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 16:44

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 16:37

Bye ✌️

Some women aren’t fit to be mothers. Honestly, you are cheap, classless scum. I pray for SS intervention for your little boy.

LizzieW1969 · 03/05/2026 16:46

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 16:25

“Your men”?!!!!

you mean an incarcerated criminal and a married cheat?

yeah you have impeccable taste love, really you seem like a super smart and classy lady….

Jesus, the shark has truly been jumped with this.

I’m afraid I agree with this. The OP really has no shame at being a married man’s mistress. That’s what she actually is in reality.

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 17:38

Yes, I was sleeping with him whilst my ex was in prison, we were still in a relationship at the time.

You really have a low bar when it comes to the male species, don't you?
A criminal and a married man. What is wrong with you?

What attitude do I have towards his wife? I have never ever disrespected her or said anything about.

YOU SLEPT WITH HER HUSBAND! if that isn't disrespecting her then what is? What is wrong with you?

I can't believe that this isn't a troll thread.

I suspect that she will get her comeuppance one of these days.

thecomedyofterrors · 03/05/2026 18:43

You let him know you weren’t happy as your friends were supposed to come over??!!
Do you mean you cancelled your cousin and friend because he refused to leave?

Oh Dear. Honestly, you’re a disaster. He doesn’t care about your happiness. At all. He’s his sent a laughing text to you. He uses you for sex and quite enjoys controlling you. You’re like a sex slave to him who will obey like a well trained dog. And everyone here is telling you you are worth so much more. You deserve dignity, respect and someone who is proud to stand beside only you. He is feeding his self-esteem and toxic masculinity by being the man who women are happy to degrade and humiliate themselves for. That’s your life and your choice. At any stage you can take a stand and say no you deserve more.

It’s not honourable to say you won’t chase him for money, you’ll always allow contact etc. It’s being a doormat and not prioritising your son over your affair.

He is using the baby as a weapon to control you. It’s so clear. He says he wants him safe and in a clean environment. You swoon at his ‘affection’ for his child and jump through all his hoops. Control and manipulation.

LizandDerekGoals · 03/05/2026 19:35

This thread is so sad. I cannot imagine how crap a life the op must have to end up with a boyfriend in prison and a controlling ex who is lying and cheating on his wife and isolating op from friends and family but she cannot see wrong.