AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

[lifesbeenfeelingheavylately]

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

He’s doing this because you’re letting him.

Just say no. Tell him to leave as you have plans.

I am really struggling to have sympathy with you when you’re just not listening to anyone and think saying he couldn’t come yesterday is some huge step forward when today he’s fallen out with his wife and he’s asleep in your bed and staying over tonight whilst you cancel plans and cook him tea? Fuck that OP, where is your anger??

😂🙌🏻

^This. You really do need to find your anger at the way this man is behaving, OP. It really is shocking.

If I get angry, I will get myself into a state.

I will not allow him to do that to me, I am just so annoyed right now.

He needs to go home.

You know you need to say that to him, not us, right?

Kick the fucker out!!

Don't cancel your visitors. Let them turn up! He will likely scuttle off home.

I don't understand ...

Why you let him in

Why let him get in your bed and sleep?!

Why you haven't told him you won't be cancelling your visitors.

You''ve already let yourself get into a state. He's taking the absolute piss out of you and you are fetching him clean sheets like a handmaiden.

Just tell the abusive cunt to fuck off! It's really not that hard.

Read your posts back - you’re worse than him as you’re actively allowing your child to be around this utter nonsense.

go stay with your phone. Change the doorbell. Change your phone number and stop this nonsense before social services do.

OMG please stop being so spineless! This is ridiculous and an embarrassment to all females.

You say to him "you need to leave. NOW".

And repeat.

And if he doesn't leave then you add "Leave now or I am calling the police".

Then call the police if he doesn't leave.

It is really not hard.

No one would be able to link your baby to him, you say. I thought you said you have given the baby his surname and he is on the birth certificate. Is that not a link?

And also paying OP money. Maybe she’s noticed.

He gives me a monthly allowance which is enough for me and the baby to live on.

Classy.

Has he gone yet?

Just tell him to leave. Now!

I can't believe you allowed him to get in bed after everything you've said.

He’s probably arguing it’s Steak and Blowjob day.

He said he'll leave in the morning, and why am I even bothered by him being here.

And, it’s good for the baby when we are together. My baby doesn't mind who is around him. My answer to that was that he needs to go home to his family. He said he would call the kids later to talk to them and tell them he loves them.

I had to stop myself from saying you can’t love them that much.

I’ve let him know that I’m not happy because I wanted my friends here, he said that I can go and see them and he’ll look after the baby.

He is not going to leave, but I will make sure that he is gone first thing tomorrow morning, I have no idea where he thinks he is sleeping, because this is a one bed and he isn’t sharing my bed with me tonight

You can't even be bothered making him leave now... he certainly won't leave tomorrow.

He'll sleep exactly where he slept last weekend. In your bed. With you. Because neither of you have any fucking morals.

Honestly, you’re an embarrassment.

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately PLEASE STOP BEING A DOORMAT

You shouldn't have cancelled your visitors. Why did you?

This poor excuse of a sperm donor has you exactly where he wants you. He says jump and you say how high?

He pays your rent and living expenses. He literally thinks he owns you.

Good luck OP. You’re clearly never going to take action because deep down you want to be with this loser. Happy shaving. Don’t forget the contraception.

Easier for the OP to 'accidentally' have sex with him again if her visitors aren't there sure

So send him the fuck home and never let him back in. If he wants involvement with his son, he can pick him up and take him out for an hour. No longer does he show up unannounced on his own terms

He doesn’t pay my rent, I will not be sharing my bed with him tonight let alone sleeping with him.

And yes you’re right I can’t be bothered to make him leave, I just want to keep the peace, but I don’t want him here.

He will be gone in the morning, I just don’t understand how he feels so comfortable staying here with me.

He gives me a monthly allowance which is enough for me and the baby to live on.

From your OP. He is effectively paying your rent.

But you’re not bothered, are you? You don’t really give a toss, because you roll over the second he looks at you. You’d probably have his name tattooed across your forehead if he suggested it.

Which means you don’t care about your son. You’ll go along with it just to get scraps of attention and fuck everything else.

<slow clap>

I honestly don’t know why you’re still posting.

I had sex with him to keep the peace.

I let him mutilate our baby to keep the peace.

I don’t assert any boundaries to keep the peace.

I will let him isolate me from friends and family to keep the peace.

I’ll let him pretend to the world we don’t exist to keep the peace.

I’ll keep saying no but let him do whatever he wants to keep the peace.

He doesn’t pay my rent.

I am bothered, I just can’t allow myself to get stressed out, I am a mother now and if I get myself into a mess it’s going to have an effect on my baby.

I just need to stay calm.