I very rarely get involved in these far fetched shark jumping posts on Mumsnet, and I am vehemently against troll hunting, so I won’t, however, you allowed yourself to selfishly have a sexual relationship with a man whom you knew to be married with three young children, because “you’d always been attracted to him”. You chose to have unprotected sex which, SURPRISE, resulted in a pregnancy, which you allowed him to dictate whether you kept or not. You then allowed this absolute PRINCE to dictate your son’s not only ridiculous first name, but also to take his “father’s” last name, because he belongs to him!? 🤨 - no mention of the fact that you grew him of your body, fed him of your body, nurtured and cared for him of yourself whilst he was cosying up to his poor long suffering wife and deceived children. But to make it worse, you allowed this absolute dreg of a man insist on having your beautiful baby boys anatomy unnecessarily mutilated, causing him
potential sexual and physiological problems later in life under the guise of it being “cleaner” (spoiler alert, it’s not). An irreversible surgical mutilation that your son could resent you for for the rest of your life, under this “man’s” say so.
You continue to allow this man unfettered access to you and your sons life, under the guise that your son deserves to have his fathers influence. I’d argue, that your son absolutely does not deserve to be forced to be influenced by such an immoral, deceitful man, as this will only instil on him that this is how men should behave and treat the women and children in his life.
You have said that this man has indirectly threatened you by comparing what your prison ex would do to you if you behave how this man doesn’t want you to, and is pretty much telling you that you are LUCKY that he’s not like that. Yeah, yet.
You claim to care for his wife and their children, but at the same time you open your legs for him the moment they are out of town. Is the care for his wife and kids in the room with us?
You’ve allowed him to monitor your comings and goings and let you feel that taking your child to your mother’s house may not be clean. When you know that not to be true.
Your babies father absolutely is a danger to him, purely by virtue of being threatening and controlling towards you (and let’s not pretend, you almost welcoming him to do that), and by giving your son and absolutely abhorrent example of what a father should be. I hope you have a good savings pot for the inevitable therapy your son will require when he finds out about his origins and his hidden siblings and step mum, who may very well not want anything to do with him, and who may very well actually hate him as his fathers secret bastard who they may blame for the eventual break up of their “happy” home.
All this is forgetting the fact that you CHOSE to tell your dangerous con ex partner about the baby, quite needlessly, when the government had already made provisions for you to be removed safely from that situation for your (and your son’s) protection.
I see nothing in this set up that has actually been orchestrated with your baby’s best interests at heart. You wanted to know and hurt your ex-crim with the knowledge of your baby, you want your baby’s sperm donor in his life as his father, although this only seems to be to facilitate the attention and sex you can have with him, despite how much you faux complain about him “controlling” you. If I were to give you even the tiniest benefit of the doubt, I would think that you were truly hopeful that he would see the light of his ways, and make YOU and your son his main family, and leave his wife and kids behind, but I don’t think you can allow yourself to believe that because deep in your heart you know it will never be, so you just need to keep deceiving yourself that all you want from him is to be an involved father - and fuck his original family in the process. Why else would you allow someone to be on the BC, choose not only his first, but last name, if you weren’t looking to make this something permanent eventually.
Make it make sense OP. You’ve been given so much good advice on here, but it comes to a point that people will stop offering practical or compassionate advice, because it’s not what you want to hear.
The last thing I want to say, is please be quite distant at your mothers groups, because the minute any of those new mothers get wind of the fact that you’re a cheating homewrecker, they will instantly distrust and hold you at arms length, fearful in their new postpartum haze, that their husbands might be the next target of your predatory actions. It might seem unfair to you, but I guarantee, to them, it will just be protecting their peace and family from an amoral woman who will happily shag someone who she “has a great attraction to”, without thought or feeling for them or their child(ren). This could all be a very lonely time for you coming up OP, and I just hope that it’s not your poor little baby who suffers for your terrible reprehensible actions.
Maybe consider some time alone, sans ex con, sans slutty baby daddy. Just you and your boy, to form a happy stable life without all this sordid drama.