AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

[lifesbeenfeelingheavylately]

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

So he's most ikely doing something controlling to keep her dangling on too

I have no words.

Or done the deed to conceive him in the first place.

Surely the child's name tells everyone who he belongs to anyway?

I really don’t know, but I feel sorry for her.

Yes I know, we were just having fun, which we shouldn’t have been.

I am heading home soon, he is going to come around and see the baby.

I have told him there will be no playing happy families, I am not going out in public with him, he is not to outstay his welcome nor will he be spending the night here.

No, you don't.

You need to grow up and stop all the lies. You don't feel sorry for her, if you did you would have told her and saved her and her kids this horrible life. Instead you are happy to have HER husband over to your house while she's off looking after HIS other three kids. If you felt sorry for her it wouldn't even cross your mind that you might sleep with him again.

Sorry, but more I read the OP responses, the more I’m not convinced it’s can’t be true

I wasn’t actually typing that with my eyes closed 😂
It should say, the more I’m convinced it can’t be true

@RunningJo it was a typical Friday night thread that's had a decent run.

He stayed over last night, and we slept together, I feel so ashamed of myself.

I have told him that this must never happen again and assured him it won't, and I can't have him coming around as often as he does.

Give your head a wobble.

I hope you used contraception.

😂😂 Honestly why are you still posting here... youndont want help or advice. You want to be this mans sneaky secret.

Your poor child.

Because I can’t discuss this with anyone else.

I do want help.

So you ignore all the advice.
Jump straight back into bed with him at the first opportunity.
Find some self respect.
No one can help you until you do.

So, exercise some self control and help yourself. No-one else can do this for you.

You are frustrating the hell out of everyone trying to help you on here. You don't seem to be able to accept any kind of responsibility in what you do. You would have terminated the pregnancy if he had asked you to, you had your baby mutilated because he told you to, you sleep with him because you won't tell him to be lost and when he says "jump"you say "how high?"

You don't need a man in your life to feel valued or validated.

I am trying.

Try harder.
You didn't have to sleep with him, or are you saying he forced you?

No he didn’t, no one could ever force me to do that.

I have come here for support, only to be accused of trolling.

This is a very difficult and embarrassing situation for me, I haven’t been rude or disrespectful to anyone here, so I don’t expect people to do it to me.

I am so lost and lonely, I’ve let him know that this can’t happen anymore and he needs to go and be with his wife, as this really isn’t fair on her or his other children

You cut off a very important part of your tiny helpless newborn baby to please a man whose married and keeping you and the baby a dirty little secret.

Honestly you need to do some therapy and get some confidence. You sound so "pick me". Are you enjoying all the drama, does it make you feel special? Put your baby first.

Did you use condoms at least?

What do you want from him? Really?
Do you want him to leave his wife?
Do you want to share him in this way?
Do you just want him to be a father to your child? What does this look like? Visiting the baby while you go out? When baby older taking him out? Or you continuing to play happy families?

How can you ask me if I’m enjoying all the drama? There isn’t much drama.

You are trying what exactly? To do everything in yiur power to fuck up the lives of 4 innocent children! Good job OP.

You willingly slept with him yet again. You don't care about anyone or anything else.

Don't come on here pretending you want help when all you want is a big life of drama. Well done, you have it. And in the meantime YOU are heavily impacting on the lives of kids. I hope the shag was worth it.

Of course we used protection, I do not want another child.

The only thing I want from him is to be there for my child, I don’t want to share him and I shouldn’t be sharing him.

I do not want to play happy families with him, because it’s all false.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with us sleeping together, he just says ‘what is the problem people do these things, it’s nothing to be ashamed of’

He said that he doesn’t feel guilty because his wife has violated him many of times, but the so called violation doesn’t include cheating, if the violation was so bad, he wouldn’t still be with her right?

I just need to be left alone, and he can’t come here whenever he pleases.

I do care, it might not seem like I don’t but I do. He should also be not wanting to sleep with me either, but he just doesn’t see the wrong behind it.