To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

[JMSA]

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

Ensuite pays more is the most straightforward solution.

In practice and in my personal experience, EVERY visitor including the flatmate and her boyfriend will use the main bathroom rather than go up the stairs. Whoever is allocated that room will as a consequence be cleaning it a lot more along with supplying the loo roll.

Or they keep looking and find a straightforward 2 bedroom with a shared bathroom or two ensuites.

We bhad this in a house share
1 en suite
2 double bedrooms
1 single
We decided that the ensuite room paid more so bthebsibgke could pay less. Luckily we had one housemate happy to take a cheaper room and one that wanted the ensuite and was willing to pay.

Not agreeing could just mean they haven't reached a decision yet, not necessarily that they're at each other's throats about it.

DD shared a flat with two others (one guy and one girl) in her second year. One bedroom had an en suite, the other two were doubles but one bigger than the other and those two shared a bathroom. Both of the other students had partners who would be staying over and DD was single at the time. The partners thing didn’t come into the decision making about who got which room.

First they agreed what would be paid for each room (en suite most expensive, then biggest double, then smallest double). They all had the en suite as first choice but drew straws and accepted the result without any moaning or quibbling. DD actually ended up with the smallest room but felt that she gained in other ways because she paid less. The way they sorted it out was a good indicator for how harmonious the flat was to be for the rest of the year. They all got on well and if there were any issues they talked about them, agreed a fair solution and everyone kept to their side of the bargain without a fuss.

Hopefully your DD and her friend can sort it out easily and fairly. Just to add, I gave up getting involved in these things a long time ago. If our kids are old enough to go to uni and sort out a house share, they are old enough to sort out the life admin that goes with that. And if they’re not confident to do so they need to learn sharpish. My role was transportation, ‘I believe in you and trust you’ and ‘always here if you need me’ type support. Your DD being shy and single doesn’t give her extra rights to en suites…..

When I was a student in a house with different room sizes we agreed to rotate each term (3 rooms).

Haha, I think I know the thread you are referring to.

Nope, no spooooky corridor, just a 2 bed new build flat

I think it is more important that your daughter works on her resilience.

It's a flat with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. That should be a huge positive.

Instead, on the same day that they have viewed the flat, your daughter is in touch with you looking for validation for her reasons why she should have the better room and feeling anxious that she might not get it. She is also anxious visitors might use the main bathroom.

Learning to live with having the second best bedroom and having visitors using the bathroom would be a good thing.

On a more sympathetic note, living with a couple isn't fun, but in the university years you can't guarantee you won't end up in this situation. House rules are definitely needed for that.

I think with the boyfriend staying over it’s much better for the other girl to have the en-suite so there’s no man wondering around at night going to the bathroom?

Whoever has the ensuite pays more! Or they find somewhere else. My uni house had one bathroom and I shared with 5 people, and my uni halls 18 boys and girls, shared a communal bathroom with 3 toilets and 3 showers !

Do both.

Coin toss AND whoever “wins” the en suite has to pay a bit more. That helps the loser feel better.

I'd support her in coming to an agreement, but keep your own opinion out of it.

I had friends at this age who were very enmeshed with their mums, and would come to discussions full of "well my mum says" - as if the rest of us cared a damn! You don't get a vote, and if you try and influence your daughter, you're stopping her finding her own sense of what is right and negotiating for it.

I don't think the boyfriend should even factor in here. They may break up or your daughter might get her own partner, or bring people home.
If you do factor it in, I'd think it's a better argument for the couple to get the ensuite. But really it should just be a coin toss.

It should just be a coin toss. What if the couple broke up. What if your DD got a partner. Etc etc. Her boyfriend is irrelevant, he doesn't live there.

We drew actual straws and recommend your daughter does the same, but given the reasoning I’d say that makes the en-suite make less sense for her.

Whoever gets the ensuite pays more. I lived in houses at uni with significantly different size rooms, and we paid different amounts to reflect this.

I'd be asking him to contribute if he was staying regularly

Much better for the couple to have the en-suite. That way DD won’t have to put up with him stinking the flat out when he goes for his morning dump 💩 doesn’t flush the loo, pees on the seat or doesn’t put the seat back down and all the other disgusting bathroom habits men have.

If he lived there yes but he doesn’t and won’t be paying any of the rent or bills!!!

I’d have been mortified for my Mum to be involved.

Will they swap rooms once your daughter gets a partner? Reduce the rent or bills if the flat mate stays at her boyfriends?

The best way forward is to agree to a bathroom each, lock the outside bathroom, if they have friends or family over then they use their personal bathroom.
I’d be happy with the main bathroom if flatmate can stick to the rules.

Nothing you’ve said are reasons for your daughter to have the bedroom with the en-suite. Both will have reasons and I’m sure they will find a way to decide it fairly. I’ve shared houses in my uni days, Toss a coin x

I would be more concerned with your daughter feeling like a spare part in her own flat, with the boyfriend there aswell.
Her flatmate may well be saying "just one night a week" but that means nothing in reality.
And if the ensuite is better than the boyfriend's own flatshare room, I imagine he'll be spending a lot more time there.
If there's going to be resentment from the start over who gets the ensuite, maybe it's not the right flatshare.

£5 a night is ridiculous. Does the girl get to knock £5 off her contribution every time she stays at his?

I think it makes more sense for the couple to have the ensuite. The bf will be using that, not the main br.

Her friend should be paying more if bf is there regularly though.

Nah, rock, paper, scissors, best of three!! 😉