To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

[JMSA]

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

En-suite pays more, though I think the couple should have it …. and BF has to stick to rule that he only uses that bathroom. Agreement in place on how many nights BF stays over; more than 2 and he has to contribute. Nothing turns a flatshare relationship sourer than a BF hogging the bathroom. I used to flatshare in a friend’s house, and it went south once her BF started staying over regularly. I felt a third wheel, felt I couldn’t watch tv in the sitting room with them, and basically just holed up in my room.

This is the fairest way to decide room allocation.
The BF is a separate issue and they need to sort ground rules about his contribution/frequency of staying over before they sign up for the flat.

It's going to sound really petty if your dd starts arguing about things like her friend's bf "charging his phone" at theirs - a full phone charge costs about a penny, even if he did it every single time he came over it would cost less than a quid for the whole year.

The friend could equally argue that its less of an inconvenience for her to have a boyfriend dd knows fairly well over compared to the possibility of dd pulling complete strangers and the friend waking up to a random guy in the main bathroom.

Basically both could have a valid reason for getting the en-suite, the only fair way is to either toss a coin or agree the person with the en-suite pays more.

We had one bathroom for 8 of us in my student house so sounds like she's living in the lap of luxury to me!

Obviously the rooms need to be charged at different rates. Once they both agree to that, they can coin toss.

3 rounds of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock should sort it 😂

You’re always going to think your dd deserves first choice, the other girls mum will think her dd deserves first choice. The ensuite for your dd seems logic to you, but to me, it’s more logical for the other girl to have it if it’s more segregated (albeit slightly) from the rest of the house.

The ensuite room should definitely be slightly more expensive though, so that needs to be ironed out first.

Obviously the solutions are-

1. flip a coin (or similar) or
2. the person who gets the en-suite pays more

I don’t think either being single or being a couple is an argument. For one thing, student relationships break up very quickly, or your dd could get a boyfriend/ girlfriend in that time.

I would be wanting to limit the amount the boyfriend stays if I was your dd as I would want to live with a couple.

The boyfriend should be of no consideration whatsoever. Your single dauhter may meet someone next week, her friend may get dumped next week.
Maybe they should just toss a coin.

I need the better bedroom cos I don't want a boyfriend?

Yes that's weird logic.

Surely better for them to have en suite so he isn't swanning around the house to the shower in a tiny towel.

We priced our rooms differently in Uni so I payed more for the huge bedroom in my 4th year, and I the secidn year we payed more for the 1st floor rooms than the 2nd. That might be an option.
Or a coin toss.
Or a new house.

It's surprising how many people who 'really need and deserve' the nicer option suddenly change their minds when there's an additional cost to it.

I still remember many years ago when we and another couple booked a BnB to attend a friend's wedding. The place had two rooms available: the one with an en-suite was £80 a night and the one without, where you had to use the bathroom on the landing, was £70.

We gave them the first choice and they chose the cheaper one...BUT once we got there, they were enviously eyeing up our room and asked if we would mind swapping, as they thought they would find the en-suite much more convenient (both of them had main character syndrome).

We actually agreed that we would still switch rooms, if they wanted to pay the extra tenner and have the en-suite. It turned out that they actually wanted US to pay the extra tenner and THEM to have the en-suite! They were weirdly surprised that we weren't amenable to that, as it sounded like a perfect solution to them!!

The couple should definitely have the en-suite, if the aim is to avoid semi-naked men lolloping through the house to take a piss in them middle of the night.

But that's not fair, so they should maybe rotate - a year each or whatever.

I don't see why your daughter would expect to be able to gatekeep the main bathroom. It would be reasonable of her to ask her flatmate not to use it, but of course guests will use the main one.

I don't think she should be renting this flat if she's this bothered about bathroom use. Also whoever gets the en-suite should pay more - arguably the woman in the relationship should pay more anyway as it'll be double occupancy a lot of the time.

In this case I would advise them to keep looking for a property with 2 ensuite bathrooms - or abort entirely so that BF and friend get their own place and DD looks for another flat share partner or a studio. As it stands, even if it is amicable, DD will always, in effect, be renting a room as she cannot - with someone else’s BF - wander around the whole place in her underwear/sleepwear and will have a 33% share in rights over the shared space, remote control, kitchen usage. No matter what anyone says, she will effectively be sharing with 2 people not one, but financing a 50% share. The friendship will sour and resentment build. If she wants to keep her friend, they should not co-share.

A friend’s DS ended up in this situation too - he found that when flatmates paired up, they ended up moving out at short notice leaving him having to find other flatmates or, for several months, lumbered with 100% of bills even though they paid their rent to the end of the tenancy which was obviously more than he would have paid when split because of standing charges etc. It will all go south. They both need to be realistic about this.

Presumably, this would also mean that your daughter will use shared bathroom in the same way so the argument really doesn't stack up.
When I was in a similar situation, I offered to pay more form the onset to get a bigger room on a separate floor. The other person was happy with the arrangement as it meant she saved 20% on her rent. Unfortunately, she did then move her boyfriend in six months later and he never contributed a penny to bills. So I would avoid this flatshare altogether.

It isn’t fair for everyone to be paying the same then. I would expect whoever stays in the ensuite to pay 25% more. And whoever stays in the box room to pay 25% less.

It should be toss a coin sort of thing.
I don’t think your daughter should be entitled to it, based on what you’ve written. Life isn’t fair / just and sometimes even if you have a particular problem, you have to suck it up for a period of time. I think it should be decided randomly / fairly with no pre bias.

They could also swap half way through the year depending on how good friends they are. Sharing a bathroom when you are a student is normal life imo!

If that’s your way of thinking, then the couple should get it.

But I don’t think it’s fair for someone to get a room just because they’re in a couple or single.
Why should someone be punished or rewarded because they’re single/in a relationship.

They need to have a conversation about how much extra the en-suite room will be, then anyone who wants it can put in and do a coin toss.
I say coin toss as sometimes things like rock, paper, scissors can cause arguments as it’s not as black and white if someone hesitates etc.

Yes - this has happened a lot with mine over the years. The better room always pays more!

But the same argument could be said for the couple having the en-suite. They will have more privacy and bathroom use without inconveniencing others. The only fair way is to flip a coin or draw straws

Depends on how the house is laid out, will she have to walk through shared spaces after using the bathroom to get to her room? I’d say some ground rules around this boyfriend are needed, I mean it wouldn’t bother me but I know some would not want to walk past a guy in their home who is not their own boyfriend in just a towel.

Always a coin toss - no one has a better claim on the better room?

Then either swap half way through the year or agree that the better room pays slightly more rent.

this.

Not to be rude but your daughter is a grown up and can sort this herself. Sure, she can ask you for an opinion but honestly you come across as way overinvested to be asking here. It’s not school. You don’t need to fix things for her any more and honestly won’t be doing her any favours giving it so much headspace.

My DD had the en suite in her uni flat and paid a bit more.