To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

[JMSA]

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

She is an adult at Uni you honestly need to step back and let them sort it out. Flatmate may break up with BF a week in and then what? Good idea to flip a coin or one pay more if they prefer but keep out of it.

I say this as a Mother of a recent graduate and one still at Uni.

i can also see the argument that the couple should have their own bathroom: so don’t think it’s clear cut, agree a price difference or swapping, or toss a coin.

I personally would prefer the non en-suite, I always find those en suite bathrooms in flats are pokey with a teeny shower and no bath. That said, I would damn well insist the “family” bathroom is for sole use by me, and not open to cheeky wees or a bath from the other resident.

That is the only equal way of sharing IMO and starts from day one.

Flip a coin. And then swap half way through the year.

I really, really can’t see from this why your daughter should get the better room.
It’s not really a privacy issue is it? If the flat mates boyfriend uses the main bathroom for a wee, it’s not really affecting her privacy is it?
They need to sort it fair and square.

I actually think if there's an established couple then they should have the ensuite.
But, whoever gets it should pay more - as they both really want it.

Fair option would be draw straws on the bigger bedroom but it will cost slightly extra. I disagree the single person gets that over a couple. Both have equal claim to it for different reasons. Your dd needs to get some boundaries in...eg bf can only stay so many nights per week or else he could move in. We had similar problem

It's better to let the couple have the ensuite probably.

It doesn't sound an ideal flat to share as it's too uneven.

No reason your daughter should have it. They can flip a coin or chatge more for en suite. I've done both in different flat shares.

En suites are a scam anyway, small and damp. In a two bed whoever has the main bathroom basically has a massive bathroom for themselves, even if it's occasionally used by guests.

This is why private halls of residence flat shares are good because everyone's room is the same size with their own en-suite. No worrying about having an upset stomach and hogging a bathroom for a long time. Everyone pays the same amount and gets the same sized room. Obviously it costs more but comes with more facilities like pool tables, table football, massive hang out areas, gym etc.

I think the only fair way with shared housing is pulling straws if both rooms are charged at the same rate. If the flat is a combined rent then the person getting then en-suite should pay a slightly larger percentage.

I don't think your daughter has priority. But they definitely need to have a discussion about the main bathroom. When I moved into a 2 bed flat with a friend she wanted the ensuite. I wasn't that bothered as main bathroom right next to the other bedroom. So we agreed that main bathroom was my bathroom, effectively my ensuite, and ensuite was hers. But then when she had friends/boyfriend staying she told them to use my bathroom, and I ended up late for work several times when her guest was in my bathroom, used my shower stuff and even my towel!

I would say it's an extra 25£ for the ensuite room and the boyfriend pays £25 per week towards bills. She can put a lock on the bathroom door to maintain her private bathroom and guests use whichever bathroom they are friends with, if there is a seoerate toilet all the better.

I think if the room mate with BF gets the ensuite they can pay more rent for it. Which would cover the extra bills with the bf showering etc. I would say your daughter should add condition that if the flatmate gets the better room, then when the bf is there they should stay in the room when he's there and not take over the living room also. If the flatmate doesn't like that, then suggest the other way around. Daughter gets ensuite and couple can use living room when he's over.

Either of their relationship statuses might have changed by the time they move in tbh.

Toss of a coin sounds like the way forward - and please do leave them to sort it out themselves OP.

Id think a couple would want privacy just as much. I agree that a higher cost for the ensuite is fair.

Yeah, a coin toss/name out of the hat is the only fair way to do it. There are always ‘reasons’ people want the best room but mostly they aren’t valid.

What a fuss over nothing. Let them sort it out and crack on, you just want your daughter to have an en suite and are creating a situation to make it look like it’s fairer to her. You also have no idea if a) the couple will stay together and how often the boyfriend will be there and b) whether your daughter will or won’t get a boyfriend or bring a random home on occasion. You can say she won’t but you just don’t know

Personally I'd encourage them to be looking for a place that's more equal, and if that's not possible reflect the disparity in the rent. Anyone paying the same for sonething lesser even if on the basis of a coin toss, is going to feel resentful and that's not a good dynamic.
The BF shouldn't factor in room allocation. They could split up next week. However there definitely needs to be some rules and boundaries. How much he pays, which areas are private to your DD etc.

I agree with flipping a coin.

however, when I've seen flat shares like this before, they also agree the person with the ensuite doesn't use the general bathroom, so they effectively have a bathroom each, and visitors are also encouraged to use the bathroom of the person they are visiting. So agreeing that as an arrangement might make it seem more equal?

As PPs have said, it’s time to toss a coin. However the person who gets the en-suite should probably pay a little more, assuming the rooms are otherwise similar.

Regarding the flatmate’s boyfriend: DC2 had the problem last year in a 3-bedroom and one student has their partner over 5 or 6 days week. DC2 and tbe other student got fed up of the extra costs and also just an extra person in their small flat. I would recommend that your DD discusses this in advance with her flatmate. I think the best solution is that they have equal number of days at each others places.

Who ever gets the bigger room and ensuite pay a higher rate. We do this with DD1.

Whoever wants the en suite pays more. It’s absolutely logical it would be the couple, the added rent share would also cover for his added costs.

However it looks like there’s potential for everything to turn sour fast.

You don't explicitly say what her preference is, but if she's worried about sharing a bathroom with flatmates BF, then surely flatmate should get the ensuite so that BF is contained in the room? It makes sense to me that the bedroom that will regularly have more than one person in it gets the ensuite.

One pays more for nicer bathroom

I had this exact issue back in the 90s when we lived in Spain for our 3rd year studying abroad. The guy ended up getting the master bedroom and I still feel annoyed to this day if I think about it. Nor did he pay any extra.

No, I don't see any reason why your daughter deserves the room any more than the other girl - in fact, if the boyfriend will, as you say, be staying over, showering, etc., so shouldn't the couple get the master room? Of course the other girl needs to pay more for the privilege.

If your daughter is potentially going to get annoyed at others popping in to use the main bathroom next to the living room as you say, then maybe she needs to be living alone? It sounds minor but these things can really escalate and become very annoying when you flatshare.