To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

I think you missed the word "some" out of the title. Especially as you are proof they aren't all like that!

I’m not going to throw my child like a sacrificial lamb into the bit of the most deprived children and families in the country if I can help it. I am going to make every effort and a lot of personal sacrifices to move to be near the best school in my community

Weirdly I wouldn't want to immediately disadvantage my kid by sending them to a crap school and hoping for the best. So yes, I'd be looking to move too based on what you have described.

Although some people can be snobs (not just the middle class) I don’t think its a bad thing that parents wouldn’t want their kids to go to a shite school. Im a life long Londoner, and I can’t wait to leave! I want a slower pace of life.

Some people are snobs some aren’t 🤷

This just proves my point - based on what I've said - ie a very vague post about other people's preconceptions.

People say stuff like "my parents had to send me to private school or lie to the vicar and send me to church school or I'd have ended up getting stabbed" based on absolutely nothing but their parents own prejudice. And what they mean is "i wouldn't have had as much social advantage" - just be honest about that instead of pretending going to a state school is like sending your kid into Raqqa or something

I think it does depend on the area.

I grew up in London, went to the 2nd “worst”school in the borough with awful GCSE results and even we had people go to Oxbridge. In sixth form college there were people from grammar and private schools and we all went to the same unis in the end.

If this was Rotherham or something then it might be different. If you live in Surrey then your kid is as smart as they’re going to be and being surrounded by slightly posher kids isn’t going to make a difference.

YANBU at all OP but you're going to get a lot of silly passive aggressive posts like @Apileofbroc's as well as nastier ones.

I'm from Ireland. The level of snobbishness about areas when I moved to the UK absolutely blew me away, as well as the total lack of inhibition around being open about it. When we first moved DH's boss openly disparaged the area were moving into, as though we were choosing to live in a slurry pit. We've lived here 15 years and it's been lovely.

What I don't understand is how apparently educated people don't see that they are the ones creating the areas of isolation and deprivation by segregating themselves and their children.

Also you can't catch poor from rubbing shoulders with the 'wrong' people.

If they are saying it to you, they must think your one of them. Still there is no shame in not wanting your child to attend a rough school. Middle class children would stick out anyway. I think it is foolish to pretend these differences don't exist.

Thanks for your intelligent input.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive.

You know, it's not a must to have such experience. Some people are intelligent enough to avoid it if they can.

Aaand there we go.

Then I must be insufferable. I chose to bring ds in to the world, he didn't ask to be born, so it's my responsibility to ensure ds is safe, and that he doesn't live somewhere he might find needles in the play area or get stabbed on the way home.
That's responsible parenting as far as I am concerned. I wouldn't express my views out loud because some people can't chose where they live and I've no desire to hurt their feelings or offend them, but it didn't stop me moving.
Working to give my child the best childhood I can is something I do without hesitation. That's my job as a mum.

I was one of these kids.

It’s not always about preconceptions though is it. Some schools are genuinely terrible.

The secondary school my parents wanted me to avoid continued to be rated ‘inadequate’ for years and years by Ofsted. While I was at the primary school next door, the kids from the secondary school broke into my school, stole some computers and set them on fire in our field. I don’t blame my parents for not wantinf me to go to that school and I would do the same for my kids, giving no fucks about what other people think of me.

I would say thats more of a private school v state thing than a middleckass thing altbough lots of middleckass people do aspire towards private

I do remember from when mine were at school this kind of thing can get tiresome, OP.

But my gripe with MC parents was different. I'm WC, but educated and professional, and the thing I used to roll my eyes at at the school gate or at parties was the endless competitive MC chatter about travel and holidays.

I'm not the world's most enthusiastic traveller, I admit. But, oh God - the middle classes and there bloody holidays! I sat through so many conversations about flights, hotels, amazing excursions, food, etc etc and I could never quite get why other people were interested in someone else's holiday. Still can't.

I go on holiday quietly and if someone asks about it I say 'It was lovely, thanks. Anyway, did you manage to find a decorator?"

It sounds primarily like you just have different opinions to some of the people around you about education. That's fine but I don't think your sweeping negativity about their point of view does you any favours either.

Being rude about people of a different social class... meh. Tbh I can't get het up about a bit of mild bitching. Humans are tribal and life is boring if we're all just false nice about everyone and no one says what they really think. I guarantee the mum with the fags and the ten kids has plenty of opinions about the middle class arty bores.

their holidays, not there holidays.

Sorry replied to wrong comment!

You can get stabbed anywhere. Primrose hill pretty posh

It’s these view that makes me glad to live in a one secondary school town, 95% of dc attend it with just a few in special schools or a couple boarding because it’s a slog to get them to private day schools, there is a bus but it’s apparently over an hour. The schools here are rated outstanding and even a professional footballer (championship club so well paid) kids attend local primary and secondary. The more choice you have the more segregated it becomes

Is that your experience? Try being more polite

It's not all about private school, many would say the same things precisely because they grew up in a deprived area and went to the type of school you describe and don't want that for their dc.