To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

We did lots of different accents in drama. Why would we change our normal northern accents just because we performed Pygmalion?

That viewpoint requires you to believe that social services exist for the purpose of punishment. It would also require someone to think that turning up to classes would protect them from a referral to social services, when the reality is that the only thing that will protect them from social services is a change in family dynamic and individual family members’ coping strategies at a time the family is known to be under particular stress and struggling to cope. If a parent has a choice between changing their behaviour without any help, or changing their behaviour with support and advice on strategies, only an idiot would think the latter is blackmail. Either way, those families end up under the care and supervision of social services if the behaviours and issues identified do not change.

I have no idea All I know was that we had the lessons to speak properly ( is clear pronunciation and not heavy accents)

Lol. We are home counties anyway.

I wasn't commenting on where you may or may not be from. You responded to a statement from a pp saying they used flat vowels with 'Did you not have elocution lessons at school?' You may or may not have meant to imply that 'proper' speech doesn't feature flat vowels, but it's certainly how it came across to me.

What’s wrong with some parents being forced to attend parenting classes? If they’re clueless parents who are likely to have their kids taken off them if they don’t get their act together, surely it’s better for the parents, kids and the country’s finances that they are forced to be better parents?

I don't even know what flat vowels are

And it's because the PP had said she went to private school. All the private schools I was aware of had elocution lessons

So your " guesstimate" of what you THOUGHT. I was saying is well off kilter

I'm aware of a few especially as DC is starting reception in September. It's been interesting to hear the views of some other parents regarding primary schools. Some are very strictly 'outstanding only' and are very eager for their kids to get into a very white and very middle primary school.

There are some state schools, especially in London that are essentially private state schools as people buy in the area, specifically for the school. Then parents contribute a lot more meaning the school can buy better resources and equipment. A lot of the parents also pay for tutoring which also improves results.

Did I say there was anything wrong with it?

I'm glad I'm past all that needing to live near a good school crap. My son was attending one of the best government schools in the country, but he missed his old friends and I let him move back. He got on fine socially, but he hardly attended by age 15 as he was having sleeping problems (he's like me) and he ended up leaving with just a couple of GCSE's. Thankfully he is now at college with good attendance and is nearly completed his NC and will be doing a HNC after the summer. So it's all worked out. Personally I think I might have done better at a posher school as I did get bullied in high school and dropped out for a while

We did state and private education over 13 years. Guess what? We might have paid twice, but DC only got a decent education and a reasonable outcome because we were able to pay for it. Despite all the tax paid.

@Thechaseison71 you are the one that's bringing up elocution lessons and RP being an indicator of class. I do not agree with you. Your views sound as if they derive from the 1900s

Being able to speak 'properly' has nothing to do with accents. Clear pronunciation doesn't just happen in the home counties.

At my dcs' private schools speech and drama lessons were paid for separately and not part of the main curriculum. I did pay for all 4dc to have these lessons and I would say the aim is not to get rid of regional accents but to encourage clear diction and confidence in speaking publicly.

You clearly didn’t read my post properly. I didn’t say all m/c people have an RP, southern accent. That would be ridiculous, of course there are m/c people all over the country! I said their regional accents won’t be strong and will be posher than normal. I bet you don’t have the same accent as working class people from your city. The minute you open your mouth people from your area will know you’re from the posh bit. You said you don’t agree with the rest of my list yet you say you are very middle class and like horse riding and were privately educated..both of which were on my list…🤔 so you just contradicted yourself and proved my point

I'm just stating what happened at my school. I didn't make the curriculum you know

And fyi I'm working class

Where we are there is an extremely high proportion of ethnic minorities in the best schools. Immigrants value good quality education more than ethnic Brits from what I can see, and that’s hardly a bad thing.

This really doesn't tally with my experience - houses are monumentally expensive where I live (SW Surrey), but there is still social housing and traveller sites and pockets of deprivation so the schools are much more mixed than you portray.

Thanks for clarifying. That wasn't clear from what you posted, or at least not to me.

Edited to add: flat vowels are when someone says 'bath' instead of 'barth', etc.

Yes, because there is a massive stress from ethnic parents on their children becoming doctors, dentists, lawyers etc. Mostly so that they can get their families out of poverty, earn well in a developed country and send money back home. They ridicule any form of self expression or creative arts and make their children absolutely miserable in the process. It’s not all just down to them having a better attitude than the British.

They ridicule any form of self expression or creative arts and make their children absolutely miserable in the process.

Quite a generalisation. Still doesn't make wanting to do the best for your child a bad thing.

@MrsBrownsBum

You’re assuming quite a lot here. Most ethnic minority children in good state or private schools who go on to become doctors, lawyers, or even the dreaded creatives musicians, actors, artists, are from solidly middle class families. Their parents aren’t impoverished relatives waiting overseas for remittances; they’re doctors, lawyers and other professionals themselves, and the majority are British citizens living here.
They simply have a different attitude towards education and place a high value on it, and their children thrive because of that.
The generation that sends money back home is actually mine (50s), and even then the parents we support are also middle class. We do it because we believe in looking after our parents in old age. It’s not some terrible burden it’s just part of our culture and values.
As for children being ‘miserable’, that can happen in any demographic. A child with no space to study and no breakfast can struggle just as much as a child whose parents push for perfection and long study hours. Most children, across backgrounds, are perfectly fine.

Well, the OP has confirmed via this thread that stereotypes, sweeping generalisations and caricatures are commonly employed when people make school choices and when they talk about other people’s choice of schools. 😂

What absolute rubbish. You just have to look at how many of our most successful music artists are from immigrant backgrounds to know this is nonsense. And the same for sport.

Asians? I do t know many Asian music artists tbh and those are the ones usually become doctors and dentists

I am the same as @Pipsquiggle, my accent is basically RP with flat vowels. Apart from my Surrey born and bred father who tried his best and failed 😂 noone has ever attempted to remove my Northern twang. I speak well with a wide vocabulary and so do my northern children. It can be done 😂.