To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

Hi OP, I hear you, people can be insensitive and ignorant.
My daughter has attended schools in both sectors. The local authority sixth form she chose to attend is considered one of the top two in the area. Many students did very well there. However, there was clear evidence of extremes of behaviour: racism, drug use leading to actual harm, significant anti social behaviour etc. Maybe we were just lucky for the years my children attended independent schools, as these elements were not in evidence. I’m sympathetic to you feeling other parents are insensitive, and possibly jumping to conclusions based on little evidence. Equally every parent wants the best for their child, and every child is different. All families have to find their own way, and hopefully can do so without judging each other.

My personal bugbear OP is when people are disdainful of anyone who chooses to privately educate their children, but thinks nothing of making sure they live in the right place (and usually pay for the privilege) to access the most highly rated state schools. It’s two sides of the same coin.

The person I was replying didn't specify a national origin. She just said 'ethnics'. Off the top of my head, Brits of South Asian heritage who have been successful in the music industry: Freddy Mercury, Natasha Khan, M.I.A., Betty Boo, Apache Indian, Panjabi MC, Tjinder Singh. And that's just mainstream pop artists, there are of course a huge number of British bhangra artists too.

There's an awful lot more black artists. But less black people become doctors or dentists.

Only heard of Freddie Mercury from your list

But even a posh northerner wouldn’t say “barth” rather than “bath”. It would sound awkward and weird. Are you saying that private schools in the north had elocution lessons that tried to make them speak with a southern accent? Also, this must’ve been a really long time ago, I’ve got friends who went to private school in the 90s and no one has ever mentioned having elocution lessons. It sounds like something they might have done in the 50s or 60s

And we all know how Freddie Mercury’s family felt about him pursing music….

I went to a state comp in a northern town, early 80s. Optional elocution lessons were offered, albeit they were billed as 'speech training'. A friend of mine took them for a while and they actually did focus on RP as the goal.

I agree with you re awkward and weird, and I don't see the sense of it either (I suspect it was down to the school being a former girls' grammar, recently made over into a comp, and some old-fashioned values still prevailing), but this was definitely a thing.

I've no idea. Out school merely didn't want us to sound Estuary English I suppose. In retrospect I don't blame them, i much prefer Jacob Rees Moggs speech to some local chav.

Not just the speech sounds either. Things like saying " my brother and I" rather than " me and my brother"

It was 1980s. Other parts of the " speech and drama" lessons included correct posture and sitting nicely so no underwear on show

Btw I wouldn't know what northern private schools taught.

Gosh, forgive me as I'm not sure how to word this without a potential insult, but was it a school for the less academic student?

In Drama, we were comparing and contrasting the works of Bertholt Brecht, Arthur Miller and August Strindberg and I was specialising in lighting and set design and being loaned out to travelling theatre companies that used our school theatre for performances. As for 'my brother and I' and posture, not showing underwear etc, my parents had sorted that long before Secondary school and would have been mortified if I had needed school intervention on such things! How very strange, and I left school in 1991 after A-levels....

Lol no it was selective grammar with a prep Dept

Your school must've been truly amazing though doing that from the age of 7

I'm not sure we " needed" it either tbh. My nana made me walk with book on head from about 4 to improve posture.

@dreamiesformolly
I went to a private girls school in the North West in the 90s - posh for the area.
Definitely no elocution lessons.
Funnily enough my friends who went to uni down south all lost their accents. I went to uni up north and still have a northern twang although no longer a broad accent.

It's changing, but it was a thing. And understandably so, with immigrant parents wanting their children to have secure, well-paid careers.

My son had to go to A & E and the very kind doctor (of South Asian heritage) asked him what A levels he was doing, and what he wanted to study at university. When he said 'History', he got a lecture on how that sort of thing was a hobby, not a degree subject!

Also, one of his friends at school (same heritage), when introducing himself on the school's University Challenge team, said 'Well, I'm Asian, so you can guess what A levels I'm doing!'. He got a sympathetic laugh.

And there is definitely an accent which is 'posh Northern'. It's very Patricia Routledge!

Maybe, but what about the huge number of successful music artists of Caribbean descent? And there are plenty of British music artists of South Asian descent, I listed a few of the more mainstream ones in a previous post.

Yeah there’s “posh Glaswegian” as well. There’s a comedian (can’t remember his name) that has a whole section of his show about it. It’s hilarious (although probably only if you’re Scottish like me and can relate!) Their kids are always called Fraser and Catriona.

Kevin Bridges
my brother’s kids are called Fraser and Katrina 😂😂