To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

As a suburban, lefty, middle class primary school parent i completely agree. The level of disengagement from the day to day of the local community some of the other school parents practice is absolutely beyond me and i don't believe is in the best interests of their children. And I'm not throwing my children to the slaughter by allowing them to be friends with kids who drop their haiches

The only thing more encouraging to me than the notion that the middle class still exists was the image of a fictional woman who can afford 10 kids holding Coca Cola and a cigarette like it’s 1986

I live in a town widely considered to be inf of the nicest places to live in England. Someone got stabbed her with a machete last week and about 4 months ago someone else was murdered in their own home. I hate to tell you this, but no where is totally safe nowadays.

Doesn't the fact that a 'deprived' comp exists not make your blood boil? Why does everyone just seem to accept it as a fact of life?

It's often blemad on the socisl economics of the catchment area.

DC old scecondary does this - but decade ago the area was much poorer - it's slightly gentrified as cheaper housing is attracting families from neigbour expensive housing cities and pushing locals slowly out - but it had much higher results and happier kids.

Surely every one is part of that dynamic

Again, don’t kid yourself. The about of middle class parents shorting large amounts of cocaine is shocking.

This is true!
Though thank goodness it is Coca Cola, not something stronger.

Well I'm WC and I say these things! Most people want their kids to go to nice schools and not be near crime ect that's a normal thing isn't it. I went to a nice secondary school (state but well regarded) as my mum worked there, I was an average student but got good grades due to the school being a good learning environment with high expectations. My friends from primary went to the local comp, they were much brighter than me but didn't do as well. Some schools just want the bare minimum for stats and those brighter kids don't achieve their full potential. My partner grew up on a tough council estate and he wouldn't want us to live there now. Most WC parents also prefer thier children to go to the best possible schools but don't have the option. I don't judge those that want the best for thier kids! Also nearly all schools are rated 'good' they would have to be pretty dire to be lower than that.

That’s because the ‘deprived’ schools actually get more money from the pupil premium fund!

Parents like to complain no matter where they are. We live a ‘naice’ area, but people still moan. Really, I think they’re just jealous their child isn’t at private school. We have a number of private schools nearby and they’re well attended by those in my area. The local schools are still really good and I don’t really understand why people are so focused on private. People are just moaners, never satisfied.

Deprived children....charming. This type of shit is why I'd never leave inner london. I'd rather live in my deprived flat in a diverse neighbourhood than out in Kent where people think like this.

YANBU op

I totally agree with this.
My DCs went to prep school then onto the ' 'outstanding' local academy. The much older male sports star enjoyed it and did well, the younger Sen child was bullied, unsupported and finally attacked. After a year in another private school she went to the local 'sink' school. I will be forever grateful to them. They saved her. She went onto Oxford and will be going to Cambridge this year. They taught her all her GCSE work.
I never really met the mummy mafia (it didn't exist at this school) and yes it did smell of weed but they wanted her. Excellent teachers too. Old school educationalists. Even some tweed and bowties. They had a fabulous catering department too with students going to London to work at the Savoy.

YABU, just as you would be if you said you find working class parents insufferable.

It sounds like some of your friends have wound you up and now you're lumping in everyone you might consider 'middle class' together and slagging them off.

How is your reading comprehension?

Stereotyping gone mad. What does their colour have to do with whether or not they carry a knife? And your analogy of a canary in a coal mine is offensive.

Private ones annoy me more

@Cosimarocks post really resonates with me. Very much my experience, atthough merfcifully my parents saw how much I was being bullied and was bored at my dreadful school and sacrificed huge amounts to send me to an amazing private school for which I'll be forever grateful.

And when I - slightly weirdly, given my experiences - chose to send my dc to a "bad" primary school, because we weren't eligible for any others, all the WC parents in the playground (who did have a can of Coke in one hand and a fag in the other though not 10 kids!) looked at me askance and told me I was mad. They were all busy finding religion/moving/doing whatever it took to keep their kids out of this particular hole.

As it turned out, because it was only primary school, my dc were fine but the school got worse and worse, so I moved them to a private school where they began to thrive in a way they hadn't previously

So I'm glad you had a good experience OP, but it isn't true for everyone and ime the people who tend to share your stance weren't at a truly awful school and don't understand quite how bad some schools can be.

This entire area has some of the lowest per pupil payments in entire UK.

I think London secondaries generally get some of the highest.

Deprived here means slightly more per pupil than otherwise but grades are dire for vast majority and many don't get the min needed for most/better post 16 options.

Well, let's hope they accept your kid/s, eh?

I think most people want the best for their children. Most people who can make a choice are not going to choose the school that failed its Ofsted, that has poor academic results, that has a reputation for bullying, drugs or gang culture. Why the fuck would you? I think that anyone who truly believes they’d do differently is either naive, lacking in true experience of what the outcomes can be or deluding themselves. Of course many kids get through these schools and do just fine, many will do very well. All kudos to them. It’s not a chance I’d take if I had a choice.

My own experience of this is slightly different. We moved out of a very rough bit of London when we had DD1. I didn’t feel that safe there so I wasn’t going to stay with a baby in tow and we needed more room so we moved to a middle class commuter town in Herts. So in that I guess I am guilty of ‘white flight’ .However there were two secondaries in this town, the former comprehensive that had once been poor but was improving and by the time dd was 11 was rated outstanding, and the former grammar girls school, also outstanding. All but two of the girls in DD1’s year went to the girls school. The snobbery we encountered for sending her where she expressly wanted to go, the comp, was staggering. Parents who had moved to the area who had no experience of the comp being poor, because by that time it had been improved for years, feeding off historical stories about it and actually asking me why I would send my DD somewhere ‘scummy’.
As time went on it became
very apparent that the inclusive approach of DD’s school was leading to some well rounded kids, and in particular the way they handled bullying and pastoral care was superb. The girls school not so much. Pretty buildings but if your face didn’t fit, it was tough. Lots of those same girls ended up where my DD went and other schools in the area as a result.

It can be pretty dangerous round where we live for teenagers, especially boys tbh. While I don't want to get hysterical about it, there are a fair few stabbings and violent attacks on streets near us on a relatively frequent basis (the victims are almost always teenage boys/young men). Don't get me wrong, I like our area, we've lived here for years, lots of happy memories, and yes, as a family with young children most of the social issues don't really affect us. But I'm not looking forward to when my DS is old enough to be out by himself without me knowing where he is. And yes, I'll probably be a bit more worried than if we lived in a "naice" village like the (boring) one I grew up in. It does make you think a bit when there's been a police shootout outside your local corner shop, and no I don't think that's being snobbish.

You admit you're middle class yourself OP so you too have no idea of the realities of living in and going to school in a truly rough area. If you did you would be taking out a second mortgage to move to a better school if you had to.

It's easy to be accepting of a bit of a rough area/school if you don't have to put up with it and the sorts of people your DC are subjected to.

Before I read your post, I was thinking that this thread illustrates very nicely why people choose to send their children to private school.

How would they stick out?