Incident at school - come and give me your thoughts.

[Newnamez]

DD is 12 and in yr7 (first yr of secondary).
On the last day of term before Easter she came home and told us that during the first lesson that day 2 'older girls' (she thinks yr9) came to the class (which had a stand in teacher that day) and asked for her by name and said she was needed at the school office by the Head teacher. She went with them. The girls walked ahead of her whispering.
By chance a TA that DD likes and chats to came out of a room and saw the three of them and asked the girls where they were taking DD. The older girls said 'the office' and the TA said i'll take over and they ran away. The TA shared with DD that one of the girls is her (TAs) cousin and said she was a ''little shit'' !! TA took DD to the office and no one had sent for her. TA took DD back to class. That's the bare bones of it. That is literally all i know.

Now, i hear about this at 6 that evening from DD and get more horrified the more i think about it. I emailed a head of year level teacher that evening. I heard nothing all easter holiday which is fine, but i heard nothing from anyone last night either. (yesterday 1st day back)

Ive told DD not to leave class unless an adult has come for her from now on.

Im going to ring the school this morning to ask to speak to someone in person about this.

Am i wrong or is this quite worrying?! How did the girls know my DD s name and where she'd be? Where were they taking her? Why were they wandering round the school? How are they going to stop this happening again?

What would you do/say?

TIA

So is this a new process at this school? Has the policy on this been amended?

is this student been escorted for the remainder of their time at this school? I would suggest this should be the case but might be based on risk assessment.
i would ask for an update on this whole situation in one months time so the school know you are watching.

Yes, I agree, I think it's a very appropriate response.

It sounds like a prank to me to be honest. Make her knock on the door, come in, why are you here, embarrased kid. Safeguarding is there for a reason but it doesn't mean that every case is a terrible event just waiting to happen.

@Newnamez Somehow missed your 16.42 update. This sounds reasonably positive. I'm particularly relieved that the TA reported the incident. However, I wonder about the comment that she reported her relative making.

OP has absolutely no right to find out anything about another child beyond what has already been said.

I really think some of you are over reacting to a prank which probably took 30 seconds of these idiots headspace. The fact they walked towards the office is telling. There was another adult around who dealt with it. The OPs child sounds unaffected. Stirring up all this drama isn't healthy.

Your response is hilarious! Why are you trying to argue? You sound like a 14 year old yourself, trying to start a pointless argument! 😂

I can see red flags everywhere.
Never ignore.
When I read it I was uncomfortable so that says all I need to know.
DD did not feel it was right that is why they told OP.
Children watch what response we give to them and learn from us.

Not really trying to argue. Just explaining how things can take time in a school and nowhere is going to magically find 2 kids within 10 seconds of a "missing child" button being pressed. But you do you.

Children watch what response we give to them and learn from us.

OP has dealt with it perfectly. No need to any ongoing drama or filling her child's head with shoulda woulda coulda.

Children see too many reactive and anxiety ridden adults unable to sensibly risk assess.

At my school, back in the Jurassic, it was only ever prefects or dep head/head girl who got sent on any kind of errand, acted as runners, did corridor duty or anything else. It wasn't exactly egalitarian but all the teachers knew exactly who they were.

I'm glad you've had some reassurance OP and hopefully it was just a (silly and pointless) prank, but they need to tighten up having kids wandering around during lesson times.

Well I guess then we've both got our own interpretations.

Yes my thoughts exactly. Kids usually pull pranks on other kids they know not randoms. Story seems strange.

Yes, this. I flashed back thirty years with this situation. I can very well imagine those girls and potential and future plans. Some things never change.

Also - the comments about why they’re roaming around the school, as much as they have a TA that says they’re shits, I bet they absolutely have other teachers / subs that they get along with.

Oh. Is this the kind of thing you would have done at school?

This is why working in schools is tough.

Oh give over. Nobody’s asking for full details of the girl’s backgrounds. There are plenty of reasons that being a teacher is tough, but this was a lacklustre response at best and you know it.

This clearly isn’t a parent who’s phoning up every five minutes, this was a serious incident and a flippant one sentence response isn’t even close to addressing the concern.

I would be more concerned in asking the tutor to find out whether DD has settled in, if there have been any fallings out as maybe this could indicate whether DD is vulnerable.

No. Bullies are bullies. This isn’t about changing the DD’s behaviour.

Very true! I work in primary we have a couple of 'wanderers'. Kids aren't robots who all do as they are told, even in the best schools with good discipline. A pp alluded to some SEN kids being allowed to wander as they can't always cope in the classroom and this is my experience too. In a secondary I imagine it's a nightmare if kids want to skive off when there's 1000+ pupils and much more space to hide in! It could take ages to locate said child.

I agree that's a good response and it sounds like the HOY took it seriously.

Sounds like a stupid prank but I would have been worried too.

I think you approached it really well OP, taking it seriously with the school but not making it into a drama with your DD.

Sorry to be back late!
I agree with what you've all been saying. I am reassured somewhat. I do still wonder how they knew DDs name. I will always wonder what they were planning.

The pupils not collecting other pupils thing has always been in place it's not new. I think sun teacher just didn't know/attend to what was going on.

I spoke to DD and told her all of what's been said and she's reassured. She knows the teaching lead and says 'oh her! she's a really nice lady who knows all our names'.
Which is a good thing i guess !

I'll chat with DH later and see what he feels but i think i feel reassured enough to let this be now.

Someone upthread said they wonder how feasible it is for this older girl to be chaperoned everywhere. I wonder too. Perhaps this is a thing they do a lot though?

Also I'm glad you didn't dob in the TA over the "little shit" comment. She sounds a good person to have on side.

If it was my DD we'd probably have had a bit of a giggle over this - along the lines of it wasn't very polite but probably entirely accurate.

Yes, we've done this - I've had my share and have escorted students to lessons, also escorted them to another room for lunch, if they aren't allowed in the canteen. The parents always know.

The TA was protecting her daughter. Seems mealy mouthed to risk getting her into trouble for it. I think ‘behavioural issues’ covers it. The girls’ intentions in finding out DD’s name and which class she was in, and the teacher okaying them taking her out of that class should be the focus of the investigation, not a verbatim account of who said what.

It's not a bad response but I'm afraid the information that the ringleader will be escorted around just makes me feel even more unsettled about what she might have been planning and why they feel the need to ensure she's chaperoned that much.

It could very well be one of those things. Perhaps they know DD's name because the TA is a relative, who knows? They won't (and shouldn't) give you personal details about the girls but to me it screams that there's something going on with at least one of them.

Regardless, if you and DH are happy to leave it there for now then that's great. I would absolutely send a follow-up email just acknowledging what was said in the chat. A paper trail is never a bad thing, especially when dealing with safeguarding and schools.

I say that as someone who works with children and works in a legal capacity.

Because the TA had DD’s back and her quick thinking saved DD from whatever the two girls had planned. How it was worded is utterly irrelevant - it’s the gist that matters. What l cannot believe is so many posters so eager for OP to report the TA’s words verbatim even though they know she will probably reprimanded. It was probably said in the heat of the moment and getting her into trouble seems an odd way of OP thanking her for having her daughters’ back.

As someone bullied by older girls there are multiple stupid reasons they might have become aware of her, and this was the days before Snapchat which makes it a million times easier.

In my case, boy in older girl’s year made a comment about me and older girl (ridiculously jealous) didn’t like it. Friend of mind had an older sister so easy to find out who I was. That was enough.

Kids are stupid and impulsive and sometimes malicious and 14 year olds are at the perfect age for those things to intersect.