AIBU to feel furious after my father ruined my new home?

[Yousernane]

To be furious? and hate all men and not want another man in my house ever!!!
i need sound advice because i know im not thinking straight at the minute & my anxiety is through the roof.

I am 4 months out of a 20 year relationship with an abusive emotionally dangerous narcissistic. Spent the last 4 months in with family then emergency accommodation (which was disgusting) out of area with small children.
I have now recently moved into my first home
With nothing but clothes & a few toys. I have spent my last bit of savings on household items, and kindly been gifted some items to make my home a home.
I invited my father to come and visit, i bought and cooked lunch, he had a drink so i offered him to stay over and he has wet himself and then slept on my brand new sofa, all my new throws have had to be binned, he blamed the dog. My rug has had to be thrown out and my babies toy box.
i beleved it was the dog until after i took him home where i could smeall urine, all
my soft furnishings now smell
my car passenger seat too.
to top if off i have found stains on my walls/ ceiling it looks like coke or coffee.

am i overreacting? To be upset/ angry
do i say something or brush it off as an accident?

am i being unreasonable to say i hate men and dont want another man in my house

I’m so sorry OP. I comp understand why you were so angry and really hope this doesn’t mar your enjoyment of your new place. Keep being house proud - you deserve to be. Best of luck going forward.

He sounds disgusting.

I can’t get how the ceiling stains could have happened

or just how drunk he was to piss his self

I can understand why you binned the items, OP. Yes, you could have washed them, and yes your washing machine would have been fine after a hot wash. But you've just come out of a relationship with an abusive man, and furnished your first home, and then another man has come in and pissed all over it - literally and figuratively. I can imagine how it would feel contaminated.

Well done for getting yourself to where you are now. Have a break from your dad and set some serious boundaries if you ever want to invite him in again. 💐

I think an adult needs to work hard to have a rational balance. I had an ex who was a twat and used to hit me but I left him for another man who im still with 23 years on and I never took up extreme levels of man hate! Screaming I hate all men and I I'm not having man piss in my washer is just not healthy and it's a not a healthy example to set to her kids. Daughter's will grow up treating men like shit because they are being taught that men must all be hated and not even allowed to put clothes in the washer. And if she has any sons how is she going to make them feel. She says her dad isn't an alcoholic, she hasn't said how much he had to drink. She's just explosively hateful to her children's grandfather when normal calm people would be concerned that their elderly father night be getting incontinent and need medical help! As for all the cretins on here calling the father a dirty pig? How do they know whether this guy is starting to have age or even cancer related bladder issues or not.

From what OP has said, he's sufficiently compos mentis to at least apologize and clean up after himself - and it's pretty clear it was alcohol induced.

Yep - always a good idea to soak your toyboy in anti-bac fluid. You don't know where he's been!!😁🤣😂😅

Mans piss running through my new washing machine. Are you serious. That’s what washing machines are for. To wash things. It’s, its job. You chuckled out perfectly good stuff. Ok I get your dad was out of order pissing himself and was probably far too embarrassed to admit it but your way over re acting. Plus there’s definitely a lot of man hate in your post

I got out of one too. You don’t get a medal and unreasonable is still unreasonable. And if I threw a tantrum and threw every thing out every time someone disappointed me I’d have nothing left.

So yeah, drama llama.

YANBU but binning throws etc seems like an overreaction? Would you bin all the bedding if your children wet themselves?

I’d have him pay up to fix/professionally clean the rest (such as the sofa) and never have him drink in my house again. Grim.

Oh pack it in! There is not an epidemic of women murdering and abusing men out of hate, there is the other way around though. Many women have a very good reason to hate men, but seeing as they don't do anything about it but keep to themselves, I don't think men have anything to fear 🙄

Very telling that you have more concern about OP not liking men, than what the OP has endured at the hands of them though. Oh and by the way, if a man knows he has bladder issues, he shouldn't be getting drunk and sleeping on someones brand new sofa knowing full well hes likely to piss all over it. Just how low is your bar?

Men’s piss - indeed any piss - will be removed by the machine. Calm down. Whether you want him around again is another matter. I’m astonished though. In many decades of enthusiastic drinking I’ve never wet myself.

How patronising. She is out of a 20 year old abusive relationship, if she wants to vent about men’s dirty piss in her brand new washing machine, she is absolutely entitled to so that. Telling someone to calm down is aimed to make them feel worse.

You've been through so much and stayed strong for so long and finally you get to a good place and relax. Then your Dad literally pisses on everything and you throw out the rug etc in anger. I'd probably do the same in the heat of the moment.

I’ll take that as a Yes on the permanently tone deaf

He's not elderly, he's 58, and he's an ex-drug user. He's not a sweet old man with a health problem. RTFT.

She also hasn't 'screamed' about anything - that's hyperbole - and she's actually entitled to hate all men if she wants to. I don't understand why some women get so upset about women not liking men - especially in cases like this when a woman has been blatantly abused by the men in her life. It's not how I personally feel but I can understand why she and other women would feel that way. Empathy, innit.

Nope, just an equally valid opinion you don’t agree with. You’ll live babes.

I would be furious and given what you have been through I understand why you didn’t wash them and threw them out.

however it won’t do any good for you and your child to brood over it. Put it behind you and start again.

and don’t let him stay over

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that OP should have washed whatever she could, given that it took her a lot of time and effort to get her home together and with a lot of help from others. I can totally sympathise with the knee jerk reaction to throw everything out, but venting is one thing, actually doing it when you can’t afford to replace the stuff that’s perfectly washable is something else entirely.

be angry that it happened but dont waste your precious money throwing away things that can be washed.
You’re being dramatic - wash the items and then if you must run the machine again on empty t clean the ( already clean ) machine

Is this the pee ***

Wow, you are upset. First of all why did you need to throw everything out, bit over the top. Tbh, l would have washed throws before l would use them anyway. They have been made in some factory somewhere by god knows who, anything could be on them. So re the throws l think you are being unreasonable.
You say his home stinks of urine , l think your father may have a medical condition, ranging from a uti to an enlarged prostrate. He maybe very embarrassed about it, scared to see the doctor, who knows, but talk to him, he maybe struggling, last thing he needs is you kicking off at him. Show compassion, and see if you can help. There is a good chance he isn't as aware of it as you may think....This very thing could happen to you one day, think about that. Everything he did ,is fixable and l get after all you have been through you are pissed off, but just calm down and offer a helping hand

All you had to do was wash them. Sorry but as upset and angry as you are you could just have put them in the washing machine. It won't care about man's piss

I am baffled. I have on the past drunk ridiculous amounts of alcohol but have never pissed myself.

Could it be that he spilled a full can of cider or something rather than pee everywhere?