Acquitence went to kiss toddler

[sarahmaguire]

I went to an event and it was just a few people. I have a 2 year old and we are going through the tantrum stage and crying when he can't do something.

I took something off him and that caused a small meltdown. It was just before nap time so I was getting my pram packed to go home and was looking at him but knew that we just had to go. I would take a minute or two and was right next to him. She comes and takes him and put him on her lap, doesn't ask, and then starts to mock kiss him saying "everything is ok".

I instantly get him and put him in the pram, of which is a struggle because tired toddler = only one solution.

I put the pram down flat and get him as settled as properly whilst saying Im going, and she continues to get right in his face and mock kiss. I really don't know if she will kiss him but really I wouldn't get that close to someone's kid who isn't a relative/I'm not good friends with. It was close enough for me to put my hand there to make sure.

Aibu? She has a kid the same age. I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care. J

Just to be clear I was comforting him as much a si could but you know your child and what's best in the situation. I was also flustered and the event was winding downn so not disturbing anyone.

The OP has not given any context about the acquaintance at all so it’s very vague. If the acquaintance is a Mum who she knows by name at the baby group or event they both attend and is there every week for the last 18 months and they make pleasantries and have a coffee together then that’s one thing, if she is a friend of a friend who’s sister lives across the road and they have never spoken to each other, it’s another.

The context is massively relevant. Did she look like a nice, normal Mum helping one of her peers out? Because that’s what it sounds like. Most of us have the intellectual capacity to make these judgements. Had it been a man, with no children of his own at the event, who smelled of fags and started trying to kiss a child, then yeah OP has a point.

There was no kissing of the child though... just to be very clear. The acquaintance made faces at the child. No kissing.

You think Budget is over invested ?? 😂

Did you use your big girl words and ask her not to? If not, you can't expect her to have known you didn't like it.

For goodness sake. A woman, who you know, came to help you amuse your toddler while you were sorting the pram. She didn’t take him out of sight, she sat next to you and played with him by making kissing noises. What exactly is the problem with that?

She is not the weird one.

Wow.

So many posts on MN lamenting that they have no "village" and no help and here is a woman who sees another woman struggling and steps in to help try and diffuse the situation.

And the OP has a wildly disproportionate response-no wonder ppl sadly opt to look away these days.

And your whataboutery is ridiculous.

Do unclench

@User79853257976i think she meant acquaintance- so someone she knew basically, which makes this post even more ridiculous!

I can confirm they are not vampires! I've never noticed any vampire like activity.
P. S a lot of women seemed to want to kiss and cuddle them. It was always the blue eyes. My late DH had very blue eyes as did his mum. Sadly mine aren't! 😕

Someone's definitely weird in this situation...

You never said this was in Laos.

Yes.

@sarahmaguire I think it’s completely reasonable to feel uncomfortable with someone you don’t know very well taking your toddler out of the pram. That’s how you felt in at the time and you would have preferred to have been asked which is fine (as well as being flustered and feeling undermined)

I don’t think it’s reasonable to think this is a completely disgusting / gross thing to do. I don’t think it’s reasonable to say in one post that the acquaintance took your child and put them on their lap and you immediately took them back, then in another post to say they took your child out of sight. Those two things can’t be true at the same time. As other pp have suggested you say multiple times that they didn’t kiss your child then when others have disagreed with your response have said “would you like your child to be kissed by a stranger” - pretend kissing to a toddler who is clearly upset and actually kissing a toddler are two very different things and the connotations are very different so @nomas yes I think OP should be clearer in her posts.

As others have said the intent behind what happened is extremely unlikely to have been malicious. The fact you feel undermined by someone else picking up your child is sad - it’s fine to have moments where our kids have tantrums - they all do it in public - you did nothing wrong, and in my opinion she didn’t either. I appreciate you may have preferred to have been asked and I think I probably would have asked too - but also wouldn’t think it was disgusting or gross if someone did this to my child. What about it disgusts you? And could you please clarify the level of acquaintance - you mention a baby group - with kids of toddler age are they not all playing together - interacting with all the different adults? I’m a bit bemused to be honest

OP, I’m sorry to say but you are grossly overreacting here. Worryingly you are also making up false situations that didnt happen to try to convince us that you are right (eg it was not a man, the woman didn’t actually kiss your child).
It really sounds as though this woman was just trying to be nice and help you. You say you didn’t need help - well maybe you looked like you did.

Imagine if she hadn't helped...why did this woman I knew stand by watching me struggle with my pram and crying toddler. So much for it takes a village.

It sounds like she wanted to help you and comfort a distressed child. Whether you are overreacting because of something else going on in your life or not it's impossible to say but take it as a kind gesture.

You are embarrassed that you were flustered and struggling and didn’t comfort your child.

You feel judged because of it.

You are projecting and trying to find blame in this woman when all she was trying to do was help a fellow mother.

I have to physically stop myself from going over and helping mums out if they look stressed or their child is playing up.

When mine were little, I regularly had women helping me.

Mothers know how challenging little kids can be and so we try and support each other.

Her intentions were only for good and so you can’t get worked up over it.

This morning I physically kissed my neighbours cat on the head.
It was pure habit from doing it to my own cat.

This woman didn’t even kiss your child but you’re overreacting saying what if she did etc.

Are you always so stressed out?
Can you ask DH to take toddler for the day so that you can go for a walk and unwind?

................out of sight and away from you, and still continued to understand mine you

What the hell does that mean?

................and do an unsafe thing when he's safely in the pram.....

Eh?

She's weird

Erm.......

But you said she was right next to you.

We went to Cyprus when our dc was 2. In one restaurant the owner took him off so we could eat, in another the owners daughter wheeled him around in his buggy. On the flight home, other passengers played with him in the aisle. All of these people thought they were helping. If I was finding intrusive I would have said to them. Stop making such a big deal out of something that was supposed to be a kindness and move on.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: no I’m not

Exactly. If they were out of sight, she would not have seen what happened.

I'd be annoyed if my child was taken to Laos, yes. That is quite a long way away.

I have been in this situation many times with a crying child.
I have always been more thankful to the people who helped me out rather than the ones who just stood and watched me deal with it.

I agree-I remember that post...
Very similar story and OP position.
Don't think that thread went her way either.

People go to a lot of conferences with crying babies don't they?