Acquitence went to kiss toddler

[sarahmaguire]

I went to an event and it was just a few people. I have a 2 year old and we are going through the tantrum stage and crying when he can't do something.

I took something off him and that caused a small meltdown. It was just before nap time so I was getting my pram packed to go home and was looking at him but knew that we just had to go. I would take a minute or two and was right next to him. She comes and takes him and put him on her lap, doesn't ask, and then starts to mock kiss him saying "everything is ok".

I instantly get him and put him in the pram, of which is a struggle because tired toddler = only one solution.

I put the pram down flat and get him as settled as properly whilst saying Im going, and she continues to get right in his face and mock kiss. I really don't know if she will kiss him but really I wouldn't get that close to someone's kid who isn't a relative/I'm not good friends with. It was close enough for me to put my hand there to make sure.

Aibu? She has a kid the same age. I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care. J

Just to be clear I was comforting him as much a si could but you know your child and what's best in the situation. I was also flustered and the event was winding downn so not disturbing anyone.

The oP started the thread on AM I Being Unreasonable. Most people have told her she IS being Unreasonable. She doesn't like that,.despite asking for opinions. That's not a "pile on".

Or are you suggesting everyone should just agree with her?

Are you not just pissed off because you weren’t going something about him, and someone else has, and now you feel annoyed at yourself? I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

This.
I accept that UK culture has turned into this, but its not what I see as usual, and in Spain acquaintances just take babies out of prams to hold and kiss them.

She’s not being spiteful.

When someone obviously doesn’t like you having their child on their lap and takes them away, don’t compound your behaviour by getting into child’s face and making kissy faces. The mum doesn’t like it, that should be enough.

Would you be happy if someone ignored your wishes around your child?

The only thing weird is that you were next to him, watching him, yet you didn’t stop her taking him away from you out of your site?

YABVU for letting that happen and not stopping her right there.

This is a non event.

Maybe she had reason to believe that you are a neurotic mother who intends to socially isolate her child as they grow, and wanted the child to witness a normal social interaction.

No, I’m responding to someone who is saying OP should stop arguing on this thread and have humility.

Why are you all allowed to argue but not OP?

Why did you bother to post?

She didn't make her wishes clear... she instead came to call this woman gross and disgusting and make up lies. I would 100% call that spiteful.

If I wanted someone to know my wishes around my child... I'd tell them. Instead of all this stupid rigmarole.

Massive, unforgivable problem.
Hope you washed your toddler's face with soap and water.
🙄

Do you mean acquaintance? So you knew this lady from the event you were at? She wasn’t a complete stranger who you never laid eyes on? From the way you have described it, it sounds like she was trying to help you out. Whilst you were packing up and getting the buggy sorted, she lifted him on to her lap and was making kissing / baby sounds. Sounds like another Mum trying to help a Mum out. How long have you known her for? If you have been going to the same group for say six months and she sees you every week to say Hi to, she probably thought she could step in and you wouldn’t be threatened.

Whilst I might do a bit of a double take to make sure she wasn’t dashing out the door with him, I would have said, thanks so much and be on my way.

I’m with you on this OP. I’d not assume to step in and pick up someone else’s child randomly. If the child were in danger…..moving vehicles, equipment stacked up etc…..it would be different and I would protect the child.
In your situation OP, I would have asked “can I help, is there anything I can do?” Communication ain’t difficult is it?

You are overreacting, Sarah. She irritated you when you were already irritated by your little boy but it's really not a big deal, time to let it go.

So now you’re saying OP should have told the woman not to touch her child?

Wouldn’t that have been more confrontational than what OP did? If OP did that you would be telling her she was spiteful for that too.

OP can’t win here.

What is an acquitence?

You say you were flustered and I wonder if her doing this caused you to feel embarrassed or insecure that ‘someone had to step in and help’.
it seems she was trying to be helpful and distract him which is a nice gesture.
if she asked, would you have said no, seeing it as a failure?
doesn’t sound like she did anything wrong or malicious.

Incidentally, my dad is from a south European country where small children live as gods and has always been charmed by them. He absolutely loves babies and small children (even the spoiled bratty ones) and used to go up to them in supermarket trolleys in England and talk to them, then wonder why their mothers were a bit perturbed. I mean that was in the 80's and 90's. These days, if he still lived in the UK, they'd be calling the police.

Back in his country, this is still fairly normal. And yes, waiters and other people in restaurants will take a baby off you and entertain them. It's a lovely thing.

A slightly different story:

Once when we were on holiday there, my gorgeous 6m DS1 was approached and talked to by a friendly German tourist woman while playing next to me in the sand. She grinned at me and said 'mine!' in a jokey way, then carried DS back to her husband about 10 yards away. Naturally I leapt up smartish and was right there. She showed DS1 off to her husband and then I gently pried him away from her and took him back to our parasol. I'll admit I was a bit nervous and definitely kept an eye on her until we left, but - because I'm a normal human being - I could tell this woman wasn't acting out of harmful intent. Perhaps she had grandchildren she couldn't see? Perhaps she'd been unable to have children herself? Maybe she was just a bit mad? It made me slightly uncomfortable but even in the throes of PFBdom, I could feel compassion for her. I think the fact that I'm partially from a culture where small children are universally adored meant that my default setting was not 'OMG kidnap! Paedophile!' but 'Sad lonely woman'. (Admittedly I don't like to think what might have just possibly happened if she'd picked DS1 up if he'd been unattended, but then he was a baby so he wouldn't have been.)

I'm suggesting that the acquaintance cannot have known abiyt the OPs 'wishes' or 'boundaries' if she didn't bother to vocalise it. Do you think the acquaintance is a mind reader?

It wouldn't be confrontational at all.
But going online to make up a story full of lies and being horrid about a simple interation and getting pretty manic when people don't agree is a bit mad.

Her OP isn’t full of lies, OP said mock kissed a few times, any reasonable person would deduce that saying ‘kissed’ in subsequent posts refers to the mock kissing.

You seem very over invested in the OP, she isn’t being ‘horrid’ or calling people ‘gross’ and ‘disgusting’ or any of the other things you’ve said.

She put her child in her pram and left.

And on that note, I’m off out.

My kids are confident healthy happy and successful adults in their mid-40s, raising their own kids now.

At 2, I’d have given them to a passing stranger to keep, never mind comfort.

But in your scenario (and nobody kissed your child anyway), yes, I’d have been fine with it.

I am not over-invested, I am being factual. She literally used the words gross and disgusting.

I would assume that yes, if she is trying to make a valid point that she doesn't leave out the important details.

Instead of asking would you be OK with your toddler being kissed she should say would you be OK with the toddler being entertained with kissy faces... COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.

She did put her child in the pram and left... but that was the original plan, nothing to do with the nonsense story she's made up.

Bye buddy

Politely, you need to unclench.

Got to laugh at you calling someone else overinvested in the OP! 🤗

If she had been a complete stranger I could see your point to an extent but you know this person. You are being completely unreasonable