Acquitence went to kiss toddler

[sarahmaguire]

I went to an event and it was just a few people. I have a 2 year old and we are going through the tantrum stage and crying when he can't do something.

I took something off him and that caused a small meltdown. It was just before nap time so I was getting my pram packed to go home and was looking at him but knew that we just had to go. I would take a minute or two and was right next to him. She comes and takes him and put him on her lap, doesn't ask, and then starts to mock kiss him saying "everything is ok".

I instantly get him and put him in the pram, of which is a struggle because tired toddler = only one solution.

I put the pram down flat and get him as settled as properly whilst saying Im going, and she continues to get right in his face and mock kiss. I really don't know if she will kiss him but really I wouldn't get that close to someone's kid who isn't a relative/I'm not good friends with. It was close enough for me to put my hand there to make sure.

Aibu? She has a kid the same age. I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care. J

Just to be clear I was comforting him as much a si could but you know your child and what's best in the situation. I was also flustered and the event was winding downn so not disturbing anyone.

Well she could be an absolute unhinged weirdo or potential child abuser but I actually think applying Occam’s razor wouldn’t go amiss here, she was trying to help you out as a mother with children the same age.

Are you OK OP?
Is there something else happening?

You were advised that you were being unreasonable (you were) and double downed and got defensive because MNers weren't agreeing with you.

But how would the woman know that OP didn't like it? It seems clear she was just trying to be helpful.

I didn't. I said she had accused her of doing something disgusting and of trying to undermine OP. And I said that because that is what OP did: she has described this woman as gross, unsafe, weird and predatory.

Well, yes. There's a very material difference. OP kept asking if people would be OK with others kissing their kids. The answer to that is obviously likely to be "no"; however, if she asked whether they would be OK with people making kissing sounds at their kids, the answer is likely to be along the lines of "why not?" because it's essentially no different from making clicking sounds or something similar to amuse the child.

You said you were watching him so if that’s true your line of sight would never of left him and your eyes would have followed him being lifted to her lap but apparently you couldn’t see him or where he went after standing and watching him… while she tried to do something to stop the tantrum you apparently were doing nothing but watching him an then couldn’t see him but knew he’d been put on her nap… make it make sense and you are being unreasonable

Here we go again you were stood doing nothing watching him but he gets lost from your sight but you just so happen to watch a pretend silly play kissinh noise happen … make it make sense

This woman is someone you know and has a child of the same age as yours. Are you seriously suggesting she had some sort of predatory intentions towards your child - and solely on the basis of what you've told us in this thread?

It's not this woman who is weird.

Nah, you are really, really overreacting.

She grabbed? Undermined your parenting skills? Imagine if it was a man?
All in your mind. Be careful with your self talk.

No, there are two of you.

If she took your child out of your sight (and you didn't say that in your first post) how could you see the mock kisses and hear what she said (which you do mention in your first post)?

This is absolutely batshit. A fellow mother tries to comfort your crying child, and you’re acting like she’s a probable child molester. Personally, I think female sexual predators are probably underreported, and I don’t believe it’s so vanishingly rare. But this woman did absolutely nothing that would suggest she might be one.

Making fun of a woman in distress who made a typo is very mean.

I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care

OP, this is a rather extreme boundary. It's wonderful for children to be nurtured and - to me - having non-family cuddle children in this way reinforces a sense of community that is sadly fast disappearing.

I wonder if you should speak to your GP about anxiety.

But accusing an innocent woman of evil intent towards a baby is OK.

Where did OP say evil? Overreaction much.

She said ‘women can be predatory’ and claimed the woman took the child out of sight.

Slight exaggeration maybe but pretty much what she was implying or why all the fuss.

OP was setting up the push chair, so yes, the woman picking up her toddler and sitting her on lap would have been behind OP and briefly out of sight.

Just ask ‘Shall I hold your child whilst you do that?’ Don’t just pick up the child if you’re not a friend or family.

And yes, anyone can be predatory. Treating people you don’t know well with caution is not proscribing them with evil intent.

Except there’s absolutely no reason to think that an acquaintance who put a tantrumming toddler on her lap in the immediate vicinity of the mother as she dealt with her pushchair after an event had any ill intent whatsoever.

But OP didn’t like it, and she’s allowed to have boundaries. People can’t dictate to OP what her boundaries should be.

It wasn't out of eyesight as you were watching.

You sound really highly strung and unhappy.

Your dc was not in any way harmed.

First child?

Yes, it’s a shame that OP can’t take this interaction as it was clearly meant - as kindly help from a fellow mum.

My grandma often used to say “she meant well” even if an attempt to help had gone quite wrong, she could still appreciate the manner with which it was done.

I hope op is reflecting on the strength of her reaction and maybe that she’s more overwhelmed than she realises.