Acquitence went to kiss toddler

[sarahmaguire]

I went to an event and it was just a few people. I have a 2 year old and we are going through the tantrum stage and crying when he can't do something.

I took something off him and that caused a small meltdown. It was just before nap time so I was getting my pram packed to go home and was looking at him but knew that we just had to go. I would take a minute or two and was right next to him. She comes and takes him and put him on her lap, doesn't ask, and then starts to mock kiss him saying "everything is ok".

I instantly get him and put him in the pram, of which is a struggle because tired toddler = only one solution.

I put the pram down flat and get him as settled as properly whilst saying Im going, and she continues to get right in his face and mock kiss. I really don't know if she will kiss him but really I wouldn't get that close to someone's kid who isn't a relative/I'm not good friends with. It was close enough for me to put my hand there to make sure.

Aibu? She has a kid the same age. I don't really want adults putting my child on their lap either, unless family or paid care. J

Just to be clear I was comforting him as much a si could but you know your child and what's best in the situation. I was also flustered and the event was winding downn so not disturbing anyone.

I’m not sure I see why this is a big deal. Sure, it’s mildly irritating that someone picked up your crying toddler as you were trying to make an exit for them to nap, but that kind of thing happens from time to time…?

I wouldn't touch another child without asking the patient unless they were in danger.

The mock kissing is gross.

Sounds like she was trying to help? She's no doubt been in your shoes many times & just wanted to support you.

What's a mock kiss??

She could have asked? And no I didn't need help.

And that's your right but it's not a cultural norm that everyone subscribes to.

She picked up a crying child while their mum, who she knows, was sorting the pram? That sounds quite a normal thing to do.

Maybe it’s not what you would prefer. I don’t think that makes her particularly in the wrong. She didn’t take your child away anywhere, or give them something you didn’t want them to have.

She thought you needed help so stepped in. She was doing a good thing.

Ok you aren’t happy about it but I do think you’re overreacting to someone trying to help
you out

You were trying to get organized. You have described yourself as both struggling and flustered. She was clearly trying to help, she's done nothing wrong. YABU.

Doesn't sound like a big deal to me, sound like she was trying to distract him whilst you packed up. She didn't kiss him she held him.

I'd agree with PPs, while it may not be your preference, she meant well - it might be the norm in her family or maybe her culture if she's not from a British background, as @Hallamule suggests? I think certainly a few decades back it would have been pretty usual behaviour between mums.

I get boundaries, safety etc but sometimes think our societal attitudes have a gone a bit too far in the direction of having to do everything ourselves and not trusting people around us, especially if its other mums. Parents worry too much that they're being burdens on one another when we ought to be able to help each other and accept that as part living in a community.

She held him whilst making kissing noises to distract him, in an attempt to help you whilst you got sorted … what a bitch

Ridiculous overreaction

Seems very clear that you lost it, she saw and felt sorry for your child and tried to comfort him while simultaneously helping you.

You obviously know you lost it because you're defensive and you're displacing your guilt and shame over your behaviour onto this poor woman who was being helpful.

You need to look at your own behaviour and patenting.

Being two inches from his face, lips puckered, kissing sound

How is that disgusting? Silly and an attempt to distract him, yes, but disgusting? If you feel she undermined you with your child or exacerbated his tantrum then that's something else, but it's not what you've articulated here.

Yes image someone you bareky know grabbing your child, undermining your parenting skills or style, not even ask you if you want a hand (I was just next to him and watching him), then put him on her lap (imagine if it was a man), out of sight and away from you, and still continued to understand mine you and do an unsafe thing when he's safely in the pram.....

She's weird.

You ok with your child being kissed ?

Only one person is coming across as weird here, and it's not the acquitence [sic].

You are over reacting so much. You were struggling and she tried to help. For goodness’ sake, get a grip and move on. So precious.

I agree that YABU. She was simply trying to help and didn't actually kiss him, just distracted.

She did not "undermine your parenting skills". She was trying to help you.

And she didn't actually kiss your child.

You need to get a grip.

You’re being really OTT about this and I suspect it’s because you actually felt inadequate in your struggle to settle your toddler and feel like you were somehow being judged as a mother. Spoiler alert: you weren’t. You’re just being paranoid.

She didn’t even kiss your child FFS. She just made a kissing sound at a child who was clearly distressed.

Imagine I'd it was a man.

Never mind that, imagine if it was a tiger! If it was a tiger you definitely wouldnt be being unreasonable. As it is though I think you are, a little.

I think the phrase ‘undermining your parenting’ explains why you feel so salty about this. From an objective point of view it does seem that she was trying to help and her intentions were not malicious or harmful.

Yes it probably stepped over a boundary, but I think you are overreacting because you feel it was a slight to your own ability to sooth your overwrought child. It was not.