AIBU to feel miffed that SIL refused Easter eggs?!

[ShabbyChic999]

In the scheme of things this is not a major problem but I'm curious to know what you ladies think.....!!!
I got lovely unicorn Thorntons eggs for DH little nieces but at the last minute my in laws went away for Easter so we hadn't dropped the eggs to them. We tried to make an arrangement to drop over since they got back but when i mentioned we had eggs for the girls my SIL said to keep them ourselves and that they had enough chocolate. Again I know it's not a major deal, I just felt a bit flat as was excited to give them and see their faces. I know kids have all eaten too much chocolate at this stage but I just think now they'll think we didn't get them any egg! Curious to know if you think she's being too fussy or has a point?

I would have asked if the SIL was happy for you to get the kids Easter eggs before buying them. I find the amount of chocolate at Easter unnecessary for young kids. I got my Dd a small gold Lindt bunny and some mini lindor eggs and that was plenty. Don’t need huge amounts of chocolate that lasts for days / weeks. I don’t want my DD eating chocolate regularly and that’s ok to say that.

She sounds odd.

It wouldn't bother me. The Easter eggs are probably causing issues already and she doesn't want more adding to the problem.

My dd has teeth troubles and is now under strict rules from the dentist and so the kids' gifts at Easter from the in laws were things like Easter craft sets and Easter themed lego. It was so thoughtful of them. I did buy them each a small egg which we're getting through slowly and they are happy.

I'd wonder if there's something like that going on, and the GP or dentist has said no more sweet stuff. Your SIL wasn't very tactful but she was right to prioritise their health and well being over politeness.

She’s being fussy and rude - she could easily accepted them and popped them in the cupboard (in years past we’ve still had eggs left in the cupboard in the Autumn and have just broken them up and used the chocolate in home baking such as muffins or cookes etc).

At this stage I would just eat them (or plan to repurpose them in cooking) but perhaps send your DNieces a card with some money/book token in stead. Perhaps next year you could check with SIL whether she is happy for you to buy the kids eggs or whether she would prefer non-edible easter gifts. With ours, gven they only ever ate one egg on Easter weekend and got bored of chocolate thereafter, we worked out with family/DGPs etc to do money/toys alternatives so that they did just have one quality egg from ‘all of us’ and everything else was a welcome [healthier] bonus.

I know a few people this year didn't buy chocolate eggs this year as they have seen lots of things online about Cadburys etc using palm oil instead of milk in a lot of their products now. Still, I think it is rude to decline a gift when someone has spent good money on said eggs. At least just fake gratitude and then perhaps just throw them in the bin when you aren't around instead of point blankly refusing them.

She should accept a gift then by all means hide them or repurpose if she wants to. I’d take them and explain that you’d be happy to get something less chocolate based next year if she’d prefer.

The kids don’t care. They had Easter chocolate at Easter. At this point it’s just excess and greed - not great behaviours to encourage. You missed the boat, better luck next year.

Honestly, you’re making this about you (and her). Stop it.

Gifts are only gifts if given freely, for the pleasure of giving. Not to ‘buy’ a reaction or gratitude - which is what you seem to want.

She is not being rude, she’s being sensible and honest. You’re coming across as pushy, whingey and rather childish.

I’m on the side of the mum here. If the kids have way too much chocolate they really don’t need any more. Yes she could have accepted them and then hidden them away but you’d have set a precedent for next year. I never buy my GC Easter eggs, their parents say they get too much so that suits me.

She’s rude. If she wanted to limit the amount of chocolate she needed to tell the family BEFORE Easter, not reject already purchased eggs.

I'm quite surprised at how many posters have suggested the OP should now buy alternative gifts for these children after already buying eggs. If the parents don't want easter eggs then they should make this clear before others have kindly brought them. It's not rocket science.

I think it probably was a bit rude in how she expressed it - I would have thanked you for them and accepted them but probably not have wanted to give them to the kids (in which case you wouldn’t have got to “see their faces”) - I completely sympathise with her feeling that kids have had too much chocolate over Easter and not wanting to add to it, especially after Easter is over.

It also sounds like you were discussing making a special trip to drop them off whereas the original plan wouldn’t have put you out, so it’s possible she thought she was doing you a favour and saving you some hassle?

Yes, SIL should have said beforehand. But still she's right to prioritise her kids' health over politeness.

We did get given two eggs from my BIL which we did accept gratefully but my kids are now very well trained sadly to be like Charlie from the chocolate factory where he got a nibble a day and still thankful for it haha. I'm not risking their teeth any more after the problems dd has had.

In the long term SIL needs to establish a routine whereby gifted chocolate goes straight into a treat cupboard to be rationed later.

That wouldn’t bother me at all. We’re well past Easter now and the kids won’t care.

Me too. Easter eggs are usually huge and it’s enough that the parents buy them one. If extended family starts doing it too they will just have a ridiculous amount of chocolate to get through and they are just small children. It will also lose its charm in a way as it all becomes too much.

It was a nice but unwanted gesture. She's not obligated to accept your gift I'm afraid. And as mum she makes the rules for her kids.

It might seem shitty but she probably has her reason and tbf saying no is a good enough reason in itself.

Next year don't do the egg thing ...unless your buying them for yourself at half price the day after lol

Maybe you feel her delivery was off, but I don’t think she’s wrong in principle. It’s also possible she had no idea these are special unicorn eggs and probably assumed it’s more generic Cadbury crap, in which case she’d feel it was just adding to an already existing pile of the same thing. Regardless, just take it on the chin. The kids won’t even think about it.

Would have been good to have known that your SIL and her children don't have them, you know for future years. Other than that, perfectly reasonable.

I have 4 sons and remember the sickening amount they got when they were younger. I rationed the eggs & kept the rest in our garage & i would make either rice crispie / cornflake buns or brownies with it with them at the weekend. It got rid of a fair amount very quickly and sometimes i'm not ashamed to admit, if I was due on my period I would eat one with no shame.

I feel like this was more of a throwaway comment than a rejection. You tried to meet up over Easter they were going away, you tried to meet up when they were back but it didn't work for them so rather than the back and forth with her seemingly increasingly difficult and you trying to find a time to pop over, she's just said don't worry about it they've got loads of chocolate already

I sometimes do this to SiL, and I know it must feel awkward and not nice, but sometimes parents do know their children best. I always say thank you though, she should have been more polite. Number 1, my children and most children, have no clue who gives them what, so don't worry about the kids thinking badly of you. Number 2, yes in theory chocolate can be doled out slowly but - you have no clue how much they've ended up getting (I hate waste and there's always waste after easter as it doesnt really last that long before going a bit white and manky), also some children do better with that than others, I've 1 with adhd and she finds eating things slowly really hard. If you threw her a new Easter egg, she'd want it right now, despite all the other open chocolates and an inevitable melt down would occur.
I often say "please don't" to certain gifts if I know it'll create waste, or inadvertently upset the kids (too much sugar, not going to be allowed it - toy weapons fall into this camp, not age appropriate etc). Maybe next year just pop her a message and ask what the kids would like. I wish SiL would do that rather than attempting to bribe the kids with stuff she knows or forgets they can't have or aren't allowed etc.
Sorry you feel hurt by it. I don't think it's personal and surely you having them is better than them going straight to the bin (the other place some things end up if parents can't use them).

YANBU. It’s rude, if she didn’t want her kids to have too many eggs then she should have told you at least a month before Easter. I’d be taking the eggs along at next meet up to give to the kids anyway. Especially as you’ve been chasing for an Easter meetup because she was away.

surely you having them is better than them going straight to the bin (the other place some things end up if parents can't use them).

Why would they end up in the bin? If you don't want them surely you can pop them in the donation trolleys at the supermarket?

She is rude but dont buy them eggs next year

kids do get too many eggs.

ask yourself this: you’re buying these eggs because it gives you joy. It’s not that kind to the kids

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