Would you forgive a mother-in-law after upsetting behaviour with your newborn?

[Bubblebabynewmum]

Sorry this is probably going to be a long post. I'm a new mum they are just over a month old now. We had a really bad pregnancy and birth and was in hospital for the first 2 weeks after birth. We didnt tell anyone about the birth untill the next day as it was very overwhelming and has some complications. Mother in law wasnt happy she wasnt told on the day and didn't talk to us for the whole time we was in hospital. When we got home we asked for a few days to settle in she didnt listen and came round without telling us ( we had be home less than a hour). She held the baby and wouldn't give them back when we asked. She kissed the baby even though we asked her not to. Our last straw was when she was holding our baby and said she wants to hurt them to make them cry because they don't do anything they just lie there and do nothing. Obviously this really upset me and hurt me and we have gone no contact for now. My question is would you forgive her?

I mean she is clearly completely narcissistic. I absolutely think NC indefinitely is completely fine.

I’m sure she was joking. No grandmother would seriously say that. She should remember that you are hormonal and very sensitive

Christ on a bike. If you are not all involved in a family business, move away. Sounds so toxic. Congratulations on your little one X

Wtf, I would cut ties for a while until she sees some sense (if at all).

Never going to happen. Not until @Bubblebabynewmum and her DH develop half a spine between the pair of them.

You obviously aren't being too sensitve or unreasonable. Your MIL sounds like a narcissist and if an important event or occasion isn't all about her, she will try and take over or sabotage it. She can't be trusted to be around your baby and your husband won't be able to sort this out because his mum will never change.

The whole family sounds utterly toxic and you need to make it clear to your husband that him trying to sort this out shouldn't include throwing you under a bus to please his mum and the rest of his awful family. His sister is just a carbon copy of his dreadful mother.

Lock the doors, ignore if she turns up, dont answer calls. Go no contact until she apologises
Enjoy yr baby

She wants to hurt them !!!

No, that would be the last time the weird witch came into my home or went within a country mile of my child.

Your primary job as a mum is to protect your baby. Your MIL's frankly sick behaviour is not your problem. Keep the door locked and make it clear that she is not welcome.

And if your dp doesn't support you in that, take your baby and leave.

What the fuck is wrong with people???

There's always someone that will try and excuse completely unacceptable behaviour when posters have an issue with their parents or in-laws. If you read OP's other posts, her MIL is obviously a narcissist who can't bear not to be the centre of attention and to get her own way. How on earth do you interpret this as a joke:

'Our last straw was when she was holding our baby and said she wants to hurt them to make them cry because they don't do anything they just lie there and do nothing.'

Nobody normal would say that to the parents of a brand new baby. People say stuff to babies like 'you're so gorgeous, I'd like to eat you up', which is obviously a joke. Actually saying that you wish to hurt a baby to stop them just lying there being boring is pretty psychotic and due to her previous batshit behaviour at OP's wedding, OP knows that it wasn't a joke.

OP's and her DH's lives will be infinitely better without her MIL in it.

I see you've already threatened to flounce off the thread. I think it's for the best.

Show your DH this thread OP.

Your MIL is deranged and your children need to be kept totally away from her influences.
If his family don't accept that then they need to be cut out of your lives too.

And the behaviours at OP'S wedding???

that's a very naive POV

I always smile when i see a suggestion to wave a mumsnet thread in front of a DH as if they’ll actually read and have some kind of epiphany!

As if he’d even read in the first place. And if the man hasn’t said or done anything already despite what happened at the wedding and since then; despite his wife very update - then a mumsnet thread isn’t going to do a thing!

obviously she was desperate to see her grandchild , I’m sure saying about hurting them was just a joke

Obviously both you and your husband are massively under- reacting.

How on earth can you allow contact with someone who has threatened to hurt a newborn baby for being too quiet?

Do you have health visitors ? That might be the most straightforward route to report this extremely worrying behaviour.

I would absolutely be telling the wider family that she said she wanted to hurt the baby.

Yes, just the type of joke I’d make as ai held my newborn grandchild for the first time

That is unhinged. I would not let her near my baby

Hurting baby is not on. But with regards to the rest. Did your family get told immediately did they get to see /kiss baby. Just imagine your little one grown up and becoming a parent your not told baby is here. you can't visit and you can't kiss how would you feel?

Seriously!???

MiL is a narcissist. Recommend you research this. She will never change and everything has to be about her. As your children grow she will try and divide them from you.

As a follow up to my previous post on narcissism. Check out this long running help on number for support MARCH 2026 - Well we took you to Stately Homes
52 replies
AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/03/2026

Looking at all your posts, I'd say she sounds like a textbook narcissist.
Don't let her in to your baby's world.

Jesus, she's a MIL from hell. The baby, the wedding, eeek.
So sorry OP, you don't have just one baby in the family....

No contact for a bit, leave hubby to sort out his mother and just enjoy your newborn without the drama queen around. Enough of her already!

I can understand the stroppiness bit as something you’d roll your eyes at, but the hurting the baby comment and the wedding stuff?! Easier said than done to cut people off but she is taking advantage of your good nature. Make a stand and say you have your own family to think about now and if she doesn’t behave like an adult, she’s not welcome. I did that with mine and I haven’t seen her since - get in!

The MIL sounds like the type to pinch the baby to make them cry, so they can then be the person to soothe them . Very disturbed.

Get your house key back if she has one. If she won't return it, just change the locks and give yourself peace of mind.

She sounds so manipulative, trying to get people to side with her on things like the cake and the new baby. Your child comes first, no matter which family members you may lose by protecting them