Would you forgive a mother-in-law after upsetting behaviour with your newborn?

[Bubblebabynewmum]

Sorry this is probably going to be a long post. I'm a new mum they are just over a month old now. We had a really bad pregnancy and birth and was in hospital for the first 2 weeks after birth. We didnt tell anyone about the birth untill the next day as it was very overwhelming and has some complications. Mother in law wasnt happy she wasnt told on the day and didn't talk to us for the whole time we was in hospital. When we got home we asked for a few days to settle in she didnt listen and came round without telling us ( we had be home less than a hour). She held the baby and wouldn't give them back when we asked. She kissed the baby even though we asked her not to. Our last straw was when she was holding our baby and said she wants to hurt them to make them cry because they don't do anything they just lie there and do nothing. Obviously this really upset me and hurt me and we have gone no contact for now. My question is would you forgive her?

Fuck what they all think! In all honesty they're probably jealous you've stood up to her, and they wish they could too but they won't. And if you go NC they're going to have to put up with her even more, so they want you around to share the shitload. Fuck em.

She has told her truth, that was no joke.

She would like to hurt your baby.

I have never heard the like of it.

Don't be gaslit.
Don't accept it as a joke.

She said she wants to hurt your baby and you believe her based on her previous behaviour.

Fight back. Tell the people saying these things that they’re as batshit as her and bad, unsupportive family members. It sounds like your life would be much easier without them.
Be strong- say you’re not backing down on any of this and if they all want the family to break down they can crack on. Tell them you’ve had enough of all this bad treatment.

Who cares what she says?

You and your husband are parents now. You seriously need to buck up.

Hurt the baby to make them cry???? Fucking psycho!!!!

and said she wants to hurt them to make them cry because they don't do anything they just lie there and do nothing.

WTAF?

She said she wants to hurt them and make them cry? Never, ever let your husband forget what she has said. How can you let her near your baby alone before it is older and can speak? Or any time for that matter.

Tell. Her. To. Fuck. Off.

I’m sure she meant it as a joke. Do you really think she wanted to hurt her newborn grandchild for a reaction? It was a stupid thing to say yes, but worth going no contact with your own mother over? I feel for your partner, it’s an exciting time in his life and this will be over shadowing it. No doubt she was keen to meet her grandchild, and I do think i’d have ensured grandparents had a call on day of birth if possible. Did your parents find out on day 2 also, and also wait 2wks for a visit?

said she wants to hurt them to make them cry because they don't do anything they just lie there and do nothing

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
She sounds like a loon. Who says that?
I'd be slarmed if i hesrd someone say thst about someone elses child.let.alome my own....it's fairly alarming...

I reckon...

• Leave your dh to deal with her.
• Don't answer the door to her if she comes over for the next few weeks.

She sounds overbearing and possibly dangerous...

It is time for you and your DH to get deeply comfortable with being "the Bad Person" and whatever else that band of fuckwits might think or say about you having boundaries against this kind of nonsense.

Ok so this is standard behaviour for her.

You have a child now OP, and you have to put your wishes around your child first. Your MIL doesn't get a say. Your child, your rules.

Time for Mama Bear to make an appearance.

And if your DH "doesn't want to make a fuss" or says "this is what she's like" or anything that suggests she should be allowed her own way, then you make it absolutely crystal clear that YOU and HIS CHILD are the priority now, not his mum. He needs to be aware that if anyone is going to be unhappy it is her, not you.

There is no being "stuck in the middle" between you and his mum. He backs you and his child, end of.

She sounds like a narcissistic, manipulative, nightmare.

DH'sSis also sounds like a nightmare.

Obviously everything has to revolve around your MiL.
DH has had many years of seeing her and the rest of the family's behaviour as normal, but it really isn't.

I would go NC with the lot of them.

DH can see them if he really wants to, but not with the baby.

Your post is difficult to understand. It looked as though you had more than one baby, ie twins, then said she held the baby, not babies. You said 'we' had a difficult pregnancy but only you were pregnant. Then you said, "...didn't talk to us for the whole time we was in hospital."

I deciphered that your mother in law is a prima donna pain in the arse - though I am sure she didn't mean she would hurt the baby (or babies). Stupid thing to say.

How she behaved should have been dealt with at the time, she needed to be reined in.

I'd forgive but only on the condition that she acknowledges she was out of order. Had she had a drink?

She’d be crying a lot then. Because I wouldn’t put up with any of that crap.

So what if she cries? Let him deal with it.

and? Why do you care what a crazy woman says?

are you crazy too?

Ok so it’s clear this woman can be nowhere near your child. Not in your house, not in her house. Nowhere.
However, you may find that becoming a father unleashes some powerful emotions for your partner. He will start to look back on his own childhood and wonder what the fuck was actually going on there.
DH didn’t waste any headspace on his mental mother until DC1 was born. And soon after that he was ANGRY and didn’t know what to do with the anger for a good while. Again, the same scenario of his sibling wanting to protect the mother from the ‘bad son’ who wanted to protect his own child.

You can't possibly be sure that a person you have never met was joking when she said she'd like to hurt the baby. You are projecting how you would feel about the baby onto a stranger. However, the fact that I'm sure you'd never dream of saying such a thing as 'a joke' surely tells you you can't judge this woman by your standards.
People do hurt babies. People hurt babies that are their own flesh and blood. There is no way of knowing this woman wouldn't and its too big a risk.
Its a shame for all members of this new family that this has overshadowed this time. But its not OPs fault. Its happened and she had to deal with where they are, with her child's safety as priority.

NC and a shitload of therapy for DH.

And you’re all on your anti MIL crusade. If she really wanted to hurt her newborn granchild, why would she be so keen to meet them. None of you can honestly say you believe this woman was about to pinch or punch her grandchild as she wanted them to cry or something. It just fits the evil MIL vibe on here. Same as the whole my MIL can’t meet my baby for a month vibe, but my parents will be over the next day.

Yes, you're right - people who are cruel to children ALWAYS keep well away from them...

you lot are all unhinged if you read this post and think the MIL actually wanted to hurt her new grandchild. Honestly, I see some absolutely unhinged stuff on here but this one takes the biscuit. No doubt MIL was not wanting to physically assault her GC and it’s no wonder the whole family is upset by the accusations. No she shouldn’t have said what she said, but she clearly wasn’t expecting it to be taken as a threat to assault her GC. I despair at this board. Time to get off the internet and leave the MIL haters to it (and no I am not one, and my own MIL said a whole lot worse than this over the years). I just hate the bad press they get on her. It’s DIL revenge for sure for some women, who don’t seem to realise they are hurting their own husbands in this quest.

Dear God. Perhaps OP needs to contact the police then and get this potential child abuser locked up!