10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

I dont feel good about screentime whilst I cook. But I feel better knowing it isnt my go to, dd does lots throughout the day, and it allows me to do something for her. Cook a nice meal. But I absolutely do switch it off when we are eating. I never want to have screen time whilst food is out.

For me, it really depends what you're watching. Like, RHOBH? Yes. The news? Absolutely not. No baby needs to see that shitshow.

Playpens and reins are both often very controversial for a lot of people- I’ve been a nanny for over 16 years and I’m a mum now too- the only reason we didn’t have a playpen is that we didn’t have the space, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them if the child isn’t in one all day, every day.

That said, the Ms Rachel would need to go if it was me. I don’t agree with babies watching anything regularly like that. What could have been a short phrase of fussiness while you cook with now just be x amount of time every day. Baby would have easily grown out of it if given the opportunity.

I’ll be honest, my baby was much younger when I stopped watching my own tv around her, the tv is still on in the room regardless of what’s showing on it, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that. There is no study at all that proves any benefit to a child being around a tv, only negatives. Can you not watch it when she’s gone to bed?

other than that, ignore DH, if baby is happy and playing then it’s a fab chilled start to the day for you, I have a slow start to the day too while my toddler potters and plays and independent play is a fantastic skill. You never should be entertaining them all day, he should try that!

Don’t let it get you down, you know how your whole day and week plays out, you are doing a really good job! Swimming, baby groups etc… even the supermarket is high stimulation at that age!

This.
Your DH thinks he is your manager and is supervising you.

He's setting up a situation where you have to justify every action in your day and he gets to comment on whether it seems worthwhile to him or not.

OP I fully agree with DH here. You sound like an absolutely terrible mother.

Don't you know that from the second you wake in the morning - until the next morning - you must be staring at/playing with/entertaining your child EVERY SINGLE SECOND.

Don't you dare ever need the toilet.

I hope you don't attempt showering/self care.

Don't you dare cook the child or your DH any food. This obviously also means you can't eat yourself, now you're a parent.

Not to mention the absolute HORROR of you wanting to chill with a coffee first thing in the morning while your child is safe and under your supervision, happily playing with toys! I've never heard the like of it!!!

Once you're a parent, your ONLY reason for existence is to be with your child 24/7 and don't you forget it! Your eyes must never stray from this child!

This means you can't sleep either, that's a luxury only non-parents are afforded. You must sit and stare at your child all night until they wake.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR

This made me chuckle, thank you 😊

It’s definitely not what I would do with a baby.
And if I saw my DH (or a nanny) doing that, I wouldn’t be impressed.
It does seem lazy. Watching tv is for when the baby’s asleep.

Everyone operates differently, some people need time in the morning to actually wake up. I can't talk and I am dead grumpy in the morning until I have my caffeine fix 🙃 so yeah what u are doing is fine. A bit of screen time & u getting charged by relaxing and having your coffee to a good kick start to your day is far more beneficial than you being half asleep & not fully present for your daughter. Men don't understand how hard it can be and also mothers need to concentrate on themselves to give their kids the best versions of themselves. Do not worry about his comments and brush them off! Being a mother to a 10 month old can be more tiring than a full time job so u do what is best for u 💓

I LOVE supermarket trips. She is fascinated by everything and everyone and she gets loads of attention. She has learnt waving so loves waving at everyone. But it has to be in a trolley with a kids seat. She hates being in her pram unless its nap time which is fine but sometimes I'm not out during nap times. Before anyone says... yes its the same with baby carrier! I think she doesnt like being restrained and hence the screaming with highchair. So to everyone, what's your opinion on that?! 😊 She used to love being out in her pram. She hates being in pram, highchair since she started crawling. But will always nap no matter what time in the car seat. Funny that😂

"Locked in a pen"?
Children do not "need to be able to roam". They need to be safe, not exposed to dangerous or harmful items because of some idealistic notion about "freedom". If the OP is cooking food and wants her baby to be safe she isn't going to let the baby crawl around the kitchen exploring the bin, trying the dog's water or getting her fingers trapped in the door.

Baby walkers are not only unnecessary but can be actively harmful, because they restrict movement, and they are never recommended by health visitors.

We also had a huge playpen and it is brilliant for letting baby learn the art of independent play, as well as being a good space to crawl and cruise. I don't think anyone would say it was wrong for baby to be in there if you were using the time to clean or cook, so why is it wrong if you're having coffee and a chance to recharge?!

I spent lots of time in the playpen with my baby, but also sometimes took 10-15 minutes here and there to have a drink and scroll on my phone if baby was happily playing.

Don't know if you have tried it, but pram naps rescued me from contact naps - with portable white noise machine, I could get baby to sleep with 10 mins of walking then bring them back home, park pram in the hallway and get cleaning/meal prep/have some down time.

Tbh if you're having to do all the cooking etc then your husband sounds a bit useless. If hes working from home, can he either prep meals or take baby on his lunch break so you can prep them? I assume he gets up with your baby at the weekend and gives her very enriching mornings to make up for the lazy weekday ones?! 😅

Well, bedtimes are difficult she doesnt go straight down. Lots of sitting with her, putting her back down etc. So when she is actually asleep, I just want to sleep. So thats why I like my 30mins in morning. It is my only downtime. Well, if u can call it that, dd is right infront of me and I am constantly watching her. I suppose contact naps are my downtime but I dont have freedom to get up and do things. Do things I mean shower and housework!!

As I said earlier, if you engage your baby every minute of the day - medal in the post for you - for the bulk of us, it’s not realistic and no harm will come to them from learning to play independently.

Plus I think my dog likes playpen too as it allows her to get some peace. Dd is fascinated by her and wont leave her alone lol before anyone says anything, no I don't leave them in the room alone, no dd doesnt do what she likes to dog. But she is a fast crawler and omg the fear on my dogs face when she knows a sofa nap is about to be disrupted.

OP, cooking dinner seems to take a lot of time.

At 10 months, food for the baby is fairly simple and there are so many options out there to make this process fast.

And for you and your husband’s meals, would you both be able to compromise and agree on quick and easy meals, just for a few months, as a trial?

I genuinely think returning to work in 2 months will be a break. But omg the guilt at returning to work. It doesnt get any easier does it lol

In all seriousness. Please don't listen to the "this is lazy/I'd NEVER have the tv on when I was with my child/I would never leave my child in a highchair for more than 60 seconds/PLAYPENS??? " brigade. Pearl clutching to the max.

There are lots of books on parenting, but there are no 2 children the same. Only you know what works for you and your DD, and that's what is important.

As long as she is fed, changed, washed, interacted with, played with, cared for and loved, you do whatever you need to do to navigate the utter insanity that is parenting.

(Within reason of course. Don't start snorting coke on a morning to give you a morning boost - stick to the coffee 😂)

Don't forget - just because you are a mother, that does not mean YOU cease to exist.

Having a bloody coffee on a morning and watching tv for a bit while you pull yourself round is absolutely fine. Self care is SO important as a mother. Making sure you are ok is the best thing you can actually do for your DD!

Your cup has to be full enough to be able to pour it into looking after DD. Empty cups are bad news for everyone.

Your DD sounds very happy, safe, and healthy, and you are doing a great job.

Enjoy your coffee, enjoy your baby, and tell DH to fucking suck it up or do it himself.

While you go and do some coke upstairs 😉

Dinner time i try and do stuff in kitchen. Wasing bottles, feeding dog, start a tesco order, wash floor, full dishwasher, empty etc. So dinner time seems long but I am trying to lots of other tasks too. Me and dh do tend to have easy quick dinners but dd cant eat those things so I have to make other things.

I think we put so much pressure on ourselves regarding screen time and feel guilty when we do give it!
I have a baby and I don't go putting on screens specifically for him BUT if I want to sit with a cup of tea and he glances at the program on in the background, I don't want to feel guilty about that. I also have an older child where I might put something on to decompress after school for a bit. Again, we can't be feeling guilty if a baby also happens to look at the TV.
At the end of the day, it is about a balance. We know if we're interacting and playing, reading, going out, walking etc. I think I'm more envious that your child can independent play for up to an hour!

Thanks that wasnt her just being left to it. She just took to the playpen instantly and we found once we popped her down, before we went in, she would go over to a toy and was happy playing herself. Weve only had the playpen a short while she hasnt been trapped for too long lol

I think a playpen is a great idea - it's a safe space full of toys for her! Not a trap 😅
And it seems like she's more focused on the toys than the TV anyway.

Can she see or hear the TV? I have 10 month old twins and I can’t imagine them ever sitting and playing happily for an hour while I chill on the sofa! One of them is crying or whining after 5-10 minutes of independent play with me in the room. It’s really good for babies to develop their focus and concentration so if your baby is doing focused, solo play for this long then that’s amazing and really good for their development. However if you have the sound on the TV and your baby can hear it in the background or your baby can see it from the playpen that obviously the opposite is true and it’s not good for them at all.

I wouldn’t be giving a phone to watch miss rachel at that age. I was still wearing mine in the baby sling/carrier when they got fussy at that age. Is that a possibility?
I’ve always struggled to cook with a child under 2 around, so I meal prep and do a lot of slow cooker meals.
I never had a playpen with any of mine.

They're not the best for physical development. A play pen is much better.

He's a dick. It's very different from work where you have set hours and you get to 'clock off'.

Sounds like your child is just fine. He's just being sanctimonious when it sounds liked he doesn't do the grunt work.

I'd be tempted to walk into the room when he is working and criticise what he's doing for work. I'd be saying he's being lazy and not working hard enough to earn enough money.