To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

And to everyone saying he isn’t a nice boy, he actually is. Having anger issues doesn’t mean he isn’t nice in general.

The type of anger issues your cousin is exhibiting will probably lead to a very long stint at His Majesties Pleasure fairly soon, unless addressed straight away. I am not sure why you are dismissing the level of violence he used, that is a seriously abnormal level of violence for the average 9 yr old. What on earth has happened in his life ?

I think you are ridiculous for even considering calling an ambulance for someone with a minor injury . If you don’t drive just get the bus . Ambulances are for emergencies.

For your cousin's sake please tell your aunt. I'd also be considering telling his school as something is seriously wrong if he is 9 and resorting to this sort of extreme violence.

Your BF sounds very immature as well.

"I know! Many scorned women on here will always find a way to hate or blame the man in any situation. Quite frankly is desperate and pathetic."

Well sone women argue that it is ok for women to be violent as they are not as strong as men so it's not dangerous. I suppose it is then hard to argue the violence from a prepubescent child is an issue..

This 💯

This OP gave me the chills. When DS was in Y5 a child in his year attacked a teacher in a similar way (just without the scooter) and the whole school had to go in lockdown as he then went on a rampage. He had the teacher pinned to the floor and was punching and stamping on her. It was horrendous, DS was traumatised as he witnessed it all. It took us a lot of nurturing and a while before he could shake it off. He had nightmares - and he is a pretty tough kid usually.

The child is still in mainstream school (now Y7) but is in a specialist unit as he has tried it again in High School, I fear he will always have that red switch, DS and his mates keep well away from him as they are all still scared of him. They won't forget what they witnessed.

Your BF was a dick but that is as far as I will go on that - nothing deserves what happened to him, I'm not surprised he doesnt want anyone to know - believe it or not he is probably also traumatised.

Your cousin needs urgent intervention. I agree that a short sharp shock visit from the police wouldn't go amiss.

You're making absolutely no sense. Try again.

This is massive. Of course you tell his mother.

Also I cannot believe that the level of violence your nephew used can in any way be excused by someone being a bit mean to him.

Yes of course you must tell! That is some seriously violent behaviour.

@Zanygreenan
So we are 24 hours on from the event.
Did your BF go to hospital? How is he? How's his head and wrist?

Have you heard anything from your aunt?

FYI - if this boy had been just slightly older he would be being done for ABH.
Absolutely appalling behaviour. I hope no one is minimising what he has done

I was very ready to say don’t get involved until I read the post, this kid has some serious issues and needs to be sorted, this will escalate and he will do something worse to someone else, likely another child. I think your boyfriend prob just wanted the house to yourselves and prob annoyed a 9 year old little shit had imposed on this. But prob needs to grow up a bit,

bit shocked you even considered calling an ambulance they are there for folks who cant walk or are unconscious not for people who can sit in a car

very shocked that you normalise this violence and think an apology makes it all ok

Don't be ridiculous.
It was such a minor event to take his chair and tell him to go and play somewhere else (mean tone or not)......until the child decided to whack him across the face with a scooter.

Absolutely no need for such ridiculous exaggeration, would you say the same if he hit a 70 year old man across the face with a scooter? Sometimes older people can be very rude to kids and have very little tolerance for them. Would you see it as him squaring up and baiting him?

You're minimizing what this boy did by trying to claim his actions were in response to intense provocation ie bullying, squaring up and baiting, when that is not what happened at all.

Your cousin is not nice. He is a violent thug. Stop excusing violence.

1. BF needs hospital to check for concussion
2. You need to tell your aunt. He hit your BF with a weapon, repeatedly. Then stamped on his wrist. Thats an assult and someone needs to teach your cousin consequences before he ends up arrested.

You really must tell his mother. Perhaps nothing will 'happen' to him... BUT... and it IS a big but, a boy exactly like this was in my daughter's class at school. Nice enough little lad, but if you dared to annoy him, he blew up just like your cousin. The other members of his family were absolutely lovely, and his mother was close to despair over him (it was the 90s, there wasn't much (any) help around for children who didn't fit the 'norm'.
That little lad is now in jail for murder.
Think on, and please do the right thing.
As for your BF, get rid. Anyone who is mean to kids has no place in my life, and shouldn't have in yours

You will never know how screwed up this comment is.

I, like any parent, would want to know about this behaviour and it wouldn't be a shock because it will be happening at home. Evidence of outside is essential to get support.

1. bf can decide what to do about his injuries. (I suggest hospital.)
2. children need to put up with adults taking their chair, I’m afraid, and being told to do things.
3. bf didn’t retaliate but the next person your young cousin hits might do, and then a huge horrible fight develop. That is partly why you tell your aunt. Your cousin needs to be reined in and punished in some way for this attack.

Or maybe he was fed up of the kids being there which is why he said to go and play somewhere else. Who wants kids hanging round when you are in your early 20’s with the house to yourself. Was it a “mean” tone or a tone that just meant it !

@Zanygreenan How is your BF. I hope he has no serious injuries. I am amazed by the victim blaming on this thread. Yes, he behaved like a bit of a prat, but that doesn't excuse what happened. He was the victim of a serious violent assault. I really hope your aunt is taking this seriously. Your cousin needs serious help. He will end up killing someone without it. I also hope you and the other boy who witnessed it are ok, it must have been pretty horrific. You are still very young, but in future, please don't consider covering something like this up. I honestly think the police should have been involved. It would have been the best course for your cousin to access the help he obviously needs.

I'd say your BF needs checked over - either at Minor Injuries or A&E (but, please, no ambulance; that seems ridiculous, when he can get there otherwise.)
But, this behaviour in a 9 year old is really concerning. He's not 'a nice boy', if this is his reaction to things. Kind of doesn't matter what your BF said to him; it's not a commensurate response. I envision him doing time at HM's pleasure, if this doesn't change. I understand you're fairly young (not being condescending, but I'd have worries about the best thing to do as well, at your age), but he needs to have a serious behaviour change. Telling your Aunt is definitely the first step - she is his Mum, and essentially, it's her issue. If you tell the trith at A&E, you might find that the Police follow up anyway. Good luck; I know it must be hard when it's family, like this.

I’m wondering, if the victim had been anyone other than a boyfriend or husband, say the OP’s mother or sister behaving in exactly the same way, whether some of the responses on here would have been different. I doubt whether they would have been accused of “starting it”.

The BF would have been justified in reporting the assault, or at least complaining to the boy’s parents.

It doesn’t sound as though he retaliated, which must have been sorely tempting.

You can walk him home and tell your cousin, action like that is too serious not to tell anyone adult. What will she do though? He's 9. He is not criminally responsible. Is she going to get him psychological help or is she just going to thrash him? Is he learning his bad behaviour from her?
It does sound like he's aware it's wrong but is struggling to calm himself. He needs help not punishing.
Your boyfriend sounds like a typical idiot tbh