To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

This exactly!

Tell her … this is ridiculous and BF is just as bad for starting it! If he doesn’t want to go A&E that’s up to him!!

He hit him twice in the face with a scooter because someone sat in his sit. He needs therapy. Tell his parents

That is most certainly not a nice boy. That level of escalation in violence is not normal!

OP, I hope that when you told your aunt what her outrageously violent son had done to your BF you didn’t make light of his actions? She needs to know the full extent of his violence, which in my opinion was unprovoked and unjustified. A “mean tone” does not justify a violent physical attack, resulting in you having to pull him off your BF.

As long as you and his family convince yourselves he’s “a nice boy”, you are heading for serious problems.

Of course the boyfriend is not “just as bad for starting it”!

When I first read this I couldn’t believe it was serious, and I’m having the same reaction to comments suggesting the boyfriend deserved any of this!

Your cousin doesn’t sound like a nice boy at all. He sounds like a horrible thug. Roll on five years (or less) and I wonder what he’ll be like? (Well I don’t need to wonder too much).

You tell the adults responsible for this child immediately! Of course a 9yr old doesn't want you to tell his parents ffs 🙄🙄
You are not protecting him or doing him any favours by keeping this act of violence to yourself. He needs help and ASAP, not a cover up!!!

OP come on. Reread your first post. You are downplaying your little cousins behaviour to a dangerous extent.

Hitting someone with a metal scooter and stamping on their wrist is absolutely unhinged behaviour. 1 year older and he could very easily find himself being prosecuted for assault. Honestly, if he’s doing this at 9 to an adult, it’s only a matter of time before he IS arrested.

Do not allow him at your house without another responsible adult present, preferably his own parents. What would you have done if he’d attacked his friend? What would BF had done if he’d attacked you? Risk being prosecuted for assaulting a child or stand back and watch while a 9 year old gives his girlfriend a head injury?

Your BF being a dick is a completely separate issue, do not allow your aunt or anyone else to use it as an excuse. If he has anger issues to this extent then he should not be playing out alone. Seriously, if he’s hits a younger child in the head with a scooter he could kill them. No single adult in this scenario is taking this seriously enough.

Your BF is embarrassed because he was hurt by a child and probably knows he was a dick. Tell him to just tell the A and E staff he fell off his bike or something - the treatment is the same.

Im genuinely shocked at how blasé the op is about her NINE YEAR OLD relative perpetrating such serious violence. Such worrying behaviour which could have easily resulted in much more serious consequences had the victim been elderly/younger/vulnerable in some way.

Speaking in a “mean tone” to [let’s face it, seemingly a little shit of] a child does not warrant being struck round the face with a scooter with enough force to knock a grown man out of his chair and then for the assault to continue on the ground. The victim was invited to spend the evening with his gf and probably didn’t appreciate being gatecrashed by her annoying little cousin and his mate. Maybe he shouldn’t have been winding the child up about which seat he was sat on, but the assault on indefensible.

As pp have said, someone also needs to make the parents of the other child aware- witnessing violence such as this is an adverse experience children need to be safeguarded against. I also hope your BF is ok.

Your cousin is certainly not lovely child, you are making excuses for him, what if he did it to a young child and kill them or he grows into an adult that kills someone because they gave them a funny look
Your aunt needs to know and get him some help before it's too late.
Your bf needs to go to a&e to get him wrist seen to and he may also have concussion, so encourage to go to get checked.

I’m most shocked by the victim blaming on this thread. Fucking disgraceful

when he goes on to smash up some girl who turns him down I’m sure you’ll all be saying she shouldn’t have been mean to him and not said yes

genuinely appalled by a lot of the responses on here simply because he’s a child

Err seriously. Tell your Aunt!

I know! Many scorned women on here will always find a way to hate or blame the man in any situation. Quite frankly is desperate and pathetic.

You need to tell his parents, in know your BF is probably embarrassed about being beaten up by a 9 year old but he's 9! This is in no way okay for any age, but if he is doing this now what is he going to be doing in 3,5 or ten years, he is only likely to get worse without help.

This is a major safeguarding issue. The boy is 9 & still at primary school. No one has the right to keep information from the parents about anything concerning their child. Head & teacher need to be informed too via the parents. Imagine if this child used a chair at school over the head of a class mate & then stamped on them? Imagine the parents THEN finding out he'd done something similar to a family friend? There is no room for secrecy where a child is concerned, everyone, he included needs to be safeguarded.

Your boyfriend’s an AH for stealing your cousin’s seat and speaking to him that way.

But that doesn’t excuse your cousin’s behaviour. His parents absolutely need to know.

And yes take your boyfriend to A&E because it’s not a good sign that he can’t move his wrist, and if it’s broken and heals wrong he’s in for a lifetime of issues with it.

All he did was not get out of a chair!!! That doesn't make him a dick!

Exactly what anger issues are you talking about??? Refusing to leave a chair???

That’s crazy. Your cousin is going to have serious issues. You absolutely need to tell his mum to get him some anger management help.

Oh God. No one needs to keep this child's secrets. They need consequences and to know you aren't enabling their crap.

Having anger issues doesn’t mean he isn’t nice in general. He told me he was sorry just before they left

I am sure he is a nice boy at heart but having such a hair trigger rage response, that was also extremely violent, means something is seriously wrong. He may have suffered trauma or abuse, or he may have SEN. He needs some sort of help.

Bless you, you evidently missed the part where I said that my comment was regarding op saying,
’I’ve popped into BF and his wrist has swollen a bit more and he can’t move it so I’ve told him I’m either going to call the ambulance or take him to A+E so we’ve decided to take him there’.
Hope that your has been bright and cheery.

He was actually bullying the 9 year old, taking his chair, refusing to give it back, and using a mean tone. It was squaring up and baiting in a macho culture.

This is insane, in the normal world, when you get up, that means the chair is up for grabs. That isn't bullying. Get a grip!

Your cousin said sorry so it's ok then until he permanently injured someone but keep making excuses.