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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

339 replies

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

OP posts:
Baroloandbluecheese · 10/04/2026 17:09

TheMillionthBeautyAddict · 09/04/2026 11:31

Sorry when is he actually working (or is he a roadie for The Proclaimers?!?!)

😂

Boomer55 · 10/04/2026 17:10

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

This. Marriage is a partnership.🙄

PloddingAlong21 · 10/04/2026 17:17

its only a few weeks. It won’t change the value of the car.

However….really intrigued as to this long distance hobby. The mind boggles!

Can you start a new thread where we can all take bets and you give us clues?

TheLurpackYears · 10/04/2026 17:52

You are married, it’s a marital asset.

OneUniqueScroller · 10/04/2026 18:00

if it doesn’t impact a lease/pcp then yeah YABU, who cares

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2026 18:12

That’s some dedication. Twice a day and 20m each way

trying to think what hobby it can be

yes putting 500m on a week for 3/4w so a possible 1500/2000m is a lot and wear and tear esp on an older car

JJWT · 10/04/2026 18:14

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

Maybe it involves tending to a horse? That was my first thought. Seems insane to be fishing or playing golf twice a day. If it involves caring for an animal then that would explain why it has to be daily.

GoldenGail · 10/04/2026 18:19

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

Its 500 per week for several weeks ..not annual. Her insurance might not cover that

PsychoHotSauce · 10/04/2026 18:22

JJWT · 10/04/2026 18:14

Maybe it involves tending to a horse? That was my first thought. Seems insane to be fishing or playing golf twice a day. If it involves caring for an animal then that would explain why it has to be daily.

If this were a Netflix drama, he'd have someone kidnapped in a storage unit somewhere that he has to feed twice a day.

Honestly, whatever it is it's some hobby. I wouldn't commute to a job 40 miles away. He does this for fun??

SparklyLeader · 10/04/2026 18:24

How many miles do you have on your car and what year is it? Whatever issues your vehicle has hidden will likely start to show up after 1500 miles if it has over 50,000 miles. It reads like your car is not new. 1500 miles on a new car is nothing. 1500 miles on a car with over 50,000 miles might be a different story.

Do you still have a warranty on your vehicle? If so, him putting that much mileage on your car in so short a period of time could really truncate the service or raise the cost of service you receive for a repair that 1500 miles earlier would have been under warranty. That's not a little thing, at all. I once had to have an entire transmission replaced, very expensive, but still under warranty, so my cost? Zero. Warranties can be very important. Running them out faster is a cost risk.

What about your car insurance? Dependent upon the policy, vehicle insurers can dun their customers for excess mileage.

Wear and tear on tires, how new or old are your tires? Fluids? After 1500 miles you might want to see if you need an oil change, not earth shattering, but a cost nonetheless, as are steering or brake fluid if you have not had them replaced recently.

Is there a note on the vehicle? Does joint income pay it? Do you each pay for repairs on your vehicles separately or from joint funds?

It's a hobby, not a career, by definition, he can miss it more than once. Come to an arrangement that cuts the mileage to one third if you have any concerns about the issues above.

JoyousLilacFawn · 10/04/2026 18:32

TheMillionthBeautyAddict · 09/04/2026 11:31

Sorry when is he actually working (or is he a roadie for The Proclaimers?!?!)

I was wondering this too! Nice that he
has so much leisure time apparently. Do you have any time together if he’s doing this hobby twice a day?!?

watchingthishtread · 10/04/2026 18:39

80 miles a day for a hobby? Is the hobby driving?

Not what you asked, but if the hobby is that important and that frequent I'd consider moving closer to it.

The mileage on the car wouldn't bother me but the car being unavailable for that amount of time might.

auserna · 10/04/2026 18:41

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

What is wrong with your reading comprehension that you interpret the OP as saying her DH is adding 500 miles a year? She said 500 miles a week.

WilfredsPies · 10/04/2026 18:45

I think he’s a miniature steam railway enthusiast somewhere that is open to the public, so he goes there first and last thing to turn them on and turn them back off again (or whatever you do with steam trains). Either that or he volunteers at an animal rescue and is responsible for cleaning out and feeding.

Whether or not you’re being unreasonable depends on other factors. Is your car on its last legs and with a mileage based insurance policy? If so, then I don’t blame you for not wanting an extra 2k miles on it. If not, then you’re being a bit mean. A bigger issue for me would be him sodding off out for five evenings a week. You must be like ships passing in the night. When do you get any quality time together? And when is he doing his share of household stuff? It doesn’t sound like much fun for you.

JarvisIsland · 10/04/2026 18:46

Both my last 2 cars were still going strong at over 150k miles. I do ~20k miles a year. It's a lot of motorway miles and actually that's not horrendous for a car to be doing. My DP's low mileage runaround has way more issues, as did my late DM's who only popped to the shops. It never flushed anything out and rarely even got up to temperature in the colder months. He used to have to take it out occasionally and just drive it between motorway junctions 'to give it a run', so maybe he's doing you a favour, especially if it's reasonably short term (in the life of a car a month is very short term!)

Honestly don't sweat it. It's not going to write your car off.

Even insurance is a best guess, and you'd be fair based on previous years and could presumably prove with MOT records, but if you are really worried about it call them up and ask to add an extra 2k miles but it will almost certainly cost you more in admin fee.

pouletvous · 10/04/2026 18:52

Jeez. Why are you worried about something so petty?

assuming he pays for petrol? He would otherwise be going to his hobby anywY so you dont miss him

ForNoisyCat · 10/04/2026 18:54

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:48

To answer some questions, he's not a roadie Grin but that made me smile. We usually have two cars, mine is a much smaller/cheaper car and although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare It's not on a PCP or anything but it's old now and I'd like to try keep it in good nick so I don't have to replace it anytime soon and I feel like this much extra use isn't going to help that. But maybe I am being unreasonable. The hobby is a thorny one for me, yes it gives him great joy but he is up very (very!) early which wakes me (he's back home in time to start work) and I hardly see him in the evenings. DC are older teens so not an issue with them really, more just me.

Is he a bird watcher?

Easterchicken · 10/04/2026 19:00

Doggin

sidebirds · 10/04/2026 19:05

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

"Obviously he doesn't need a car for work" - this is far from obvious 😒

Usernamenotfound1 · 10/04/2026 19:09

sidebirds · 10/04/2026 19:05

"Obviously he doesn't need a car for work" - this is far from obvious 😒

How is it far from obvious?

the post literally starts with “dh works from home”.

Teddybear23 · 10/04/2026 19:22

Bobloblawww · 09/04/2026 11:33

That is a ridiculous amount of time and mileage for a hobby regardless of whose car it is.

Totally agree, plus he can’t do much work all week as he’s too busy with his ‘hobby’!!

Lilyspickled · 10/04/2026 19:29

Deleted, did not read thread before posting.

Tuesdayschild50 · 10/04/2026 19:34

Give & take isn't it ... let's hope he wouldn't moan at you if you needed help I think that's more important .
You are a couple at the end of the day .

CatA27 · 10/04/2026 19:42

Boomer55 · 10/04/2026 17:10

This. Marriage is a partnership.🙄

Exactly, it doesn't seem to be much of a partnership if hubby is either working or at his hobby for 90% of the marriage. When do they do things together?

TroysMammy · 10/04/2026 19:46

I thought bird watching in the morning and dogging in the evening or he could be train spotter. Does he own an anorack and a thermos? Does he stand on a railway bridge waiting for the 6.28 to go past whilst scribbling furiously in a pocket jotter?

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