AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

[MileageWoes]

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

Do you not need your car, if you work outside the home?

How are your cars funded? Car/insurance/fuel/tyres? I wouldn’t begrudge my DP use of my car for a few weeks, but he’d do the same for me.

Do you have separate finances? If so then maybe ask him about whether he will be contributing to car maintenance and if he is going to be paying for the fuel. If you have shared finances (and you do say he is your husband) then surely vehicles are shared and if you wanted to use his car in the future you would be able to.

I don't have a strong opinion about the car mileage but I am sure I won't be the only one agog about a hobby he does twice a day, every day. Potentially HIBU for that.

Sorry when is he actually working (or is he a roadie for The Proclaimers?!?!)

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

That is a ridiculous amount of time and mileage for a hobby regardless of whose car it is.

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

It's 500 miles a week. Not annually. Reading the post properly will give you a clue

Do you have a limited mileage allowance that this would put you over? Is your car on its last legs and 500 miles extra could be the death knell? Is there another way you will be affected that we don’t know about? You’re being completely unreasonable. You’re married and sharing a life together, no?

if it’s not causing you hassle or moving your work hours around who cares?

You really begrudge your DH putting miles on your car? That wouldn't even cross my mind - but then again, we have two cars and we share them, so we don't really have a 'his car, her car' mentality, either to cars or to finances.

Or is this really about something else - do you resent your DH's hobby, do you disagree with the way you run your finances etc? Are the miles actually a red herring to something deeper going on?

Horses...

Is the hobby driving aimlessly? Does he support family life? I’m flabbergasted.

So he's going to add 2000 miles to your car @MileageWoes

The pertinent questions are

• Will that invalidate your insurance, do you have a very mileage sensitive policy where you've set a limit of 4000 miles a year because you just pop to the shops?
• Do you have a PCP where you have a mileage limit, and you have to pay more to the finance company if you exceed it?

I know the OP says she won't disclose the hobby because we'll then know who she is, but I'm struggling to understand what he's up to. He might WFH but the travel time twice a day PLUS the actual hobby (unless it IS "driving aimlessly" surely takes up most of the day, EVERY day?

It's 500 miles a week so 2000 miles over a month which is kind of a lot! But I asked because maybe I am being unreasonable.

If, as your OP states, the hobby is irrelevant and him doing it isn’t the issue then isn’t this just how marriage is supposed to work? Unless you have completely separate finances and are worried about the added cost you’re personally going to pick up for wear and tear and servicing, it’s not costing the household any more overall because what the household pot would usually pay for those things on his car just goes towards those things on your car.

I think if you have accepted your partner doing a hobby twice a day that involves 500 miles a week, then the car issue for a few weeks is neither here nor there.

surprised he has time to work

To answer some questions, he's not a roadie but that made me smile. We usually have two cars, mine is a much smaller/cheaper car and although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare It's not on a PCP or anything but it's old now and I'd like to try keep it in good nick so I don't have to replace it anytime soon and I feel like this much extra use isn't going to help that. But maybe I am being unreasonable. The hobby is a thorny one for me, yes it gives him great joy but he is up very (very!) early which wakes me (he's back home in time to start work) and I hardly see him in the evenings. DC are older teens so not an issue with them really, more just me.

My car is only insured for 10,000 miles annually and I'm usually bag on with little wiggle room so an extra unexpected 2000 miles would mean i'd have to change my policy too. I think as long as the cost of the extra miles is covered ie my fuel tank isn't left empty for me to fill and any extra cost of insurance is covered, I wouldn't mind provided I don't need to use the car. If I was on a lease with limited mileage I'd be less okay.

So long as he's putting the petrol in it and it's not a vintage Ferrari then I wouldn't give a monkey's. This is what cars are for.

I think you’re being utterly ridiculous tbh.

How long does it take him to do his hobby? With a 40 mile round trip twice a day and presumably time spent at the hobby it must be a significant amount of time? That would be more the problem for me. Can he go less often?

I really couldn’t get worked up about this. As long as he pays for the fuel.

I do 1100 miles a month!!! Every month.

Oh come on OP. Cars are there to be driven, stop being ridiculous. What if the tables turned and you had a change in circumstances, you would expect to use your dh's car if needed.