AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

[MileageWoes]

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

20 miles away though? Anecdotal, but I know loads of people with horses (I live rurally in a little village,) and every single one has their horses within 2-3 miles of their house. Most are within a mile. A few have them on their own land.

And if it was a horse/horses, why can the OP not go with him? (I am wondering if he has a secret family now.) 👀

If the situation was reversed, would he let you use his car? You're partners, isn't this one of the times you support your partner?

When I did a martial art I'd train morning and night most days and it was about 40 miles away as thats just where my trainers gym was.

You’re married
You share a home and a life together
You share children and a family life

….but you don’t want him to use your car because of the mileage?

I have never heard anything so bizarre in my life.

We bought a really expensive mattress for my back, but DH sleeps longer than I do, so maybe I should ask him to sleep on the floor occasionally so he doesn’t it wear it out sooner?

Surfing (and the beach isn't close)?

I did similar when I rowed at a decent level; an early morning outing on the water and then a land-based fitness session in the early evening; not untypical to do that every day some weeks. I lived about 15 miles from the boat club so I did rack up the miles, but I didn't care as I wanted to do it. I agree that it's not hugely compatible with family life though.

I think the fact that you're (by your own admission) "thorny" about this hobby is colouring your judgement here. It's hard to know if YABU about the bobby in general without more context, but YABU about the mileage on the car.

I couldn't give a toss what someone's hobby usually is, but I'm intrigued with this one! Maybe, volunteers to feed an animal at the nearest zoo?

Wrong thread?

Sorry yes wrong thread I reported it.,

@Firesidechatter

Confused how this work on large scale. I’ve Mediterannean grandparents, both sides, should I return to the med and claim the land is mine as my grandparents and multiple generations Before lived there, and what, the current owners should just say fair play, here you go?

??? Wrong thread?

What

Ah ha cross post sorry @Firesidechatter

Depends on the facilities you want. If its a competition horse the better livery may be that far away with indoor/outdoor schools etc. i travel 9 miles each way because closer yards aren’t great for what i need, however i still only compete locally so don’t need excessive facilities. If i wanted to be at a bigger yard where i was competing up and down the country and wanted facilities to accommodate that it would be about 15 miles each way. There are yards closer to me but its literally just a stable and a field so doesn’t meet my requirements.

Horse people are odd people 😂 we will inconvenience ourselves for the convieniencw of our horse

Yes, I think this is the case. I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable about the hobby so I accept that IABU about the mileage and I shouldn't conflate the two.

Thanks everyone for giving my head a wobble!

Fair enough @Picklesandfrickles 😘

Still, if it is a horse/horses, I can't understand why the OP doesn't go with him - sometimes at least. I have no horses, and never have had, but I do love them.

.

I do often wonder what are all these men’s hobbies that are so ‘outing’.

I do dislike the ‘h’ word BTW, it always sounds so nerdy.

Secret love child and he does the school run.

It's not horses nor is it anything that I am remotely interested in can't think of one thing that would get me out of bed at 5am so I would never go with him

😂 im sure OP probably can go with him.

But if it is horses OP probably has a strong hatred of horses And actively avoids engagement… like every long suffering partner of a horse person.

Time
Money
Relentlessness
Being there come rain, snow or shine

My DH would quite happily never see a horse again for the above reasons 😂

She said a week not year!

No one needs that much joy that they avoid any time doing anything else apart from working to pay for the hobby. Do you get chance for joy? It’s not for me to say but do you feel valued or like he just pops in every so often? A woman just wouldn’t do this!

would/could you go with him for the evening stint?

Would not even cross my mind tbh.