AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

[MileageWoes]

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

Does he have the funds to hire a car? I would be wary about an old car suddenly doing 500 extra miles a week and if he is late one day will you then be late for work.

I have limited milage on my insurance so an extra 2000 miles would make a huge difference.

How long is he out of the house for? I'd be concerned about not having access to my car every evening - shopping, ferrying kids, hobbies, visiting parents etc.

WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS! I am bored and nosey!

Also how long has he been doing the hobby and will he miss out that much by only going once or twice a week.

What a lovely break you could have from being woken at 5am! Maybe he needs to be more considerate of your sleep overall.

Can't be a gym.They are almost all 24 hours now.
Fishing at a certain spot at dawn and dusk?
Photography the same.
Surfing, but you must live a long way from the beach which would be weird for someone so into surfing?
Geocaching
Spelunking
Other partner?

My car is insured for 10,000 miles a year. Any more then it costs more. 2000 is a fifth of that. So yes, it would annoy me.

Im also confused about how someone who works has time for a hobby that requires them to do two 40mile round trips twice a day every day!

How are hobbies outing? If it's actually a hobby he won't be the only person with that hobby will he? So is it instead some sort of weird fetish that he pretends is a hobby and your friends and family know about it?

That’s all estimated. You don’t need to call them and adjust unless you go over significantly.

Whilst I wouldn’t be happy either, remember 20 miles each way is not necessarily a long distance if you live more rurally - I work 9 miles away and it takes 12-15 minutes, quite different to cities.

edited, just seen your reply. He would be better hiring his own car or paying fuel costs at least towards yours.

Like you, I always have older cars and it is something I would worry about - so might just be us older car owners!

I think to answer for definite, I'd have to know more context - are your finances joint or will it be your money when you have to replace the car? And does he need to be doing so much of the hobby right now, i.e., he's about to compete on a national team so can't miss training or is it just because he prefers to go that often?

It's only me and DH but if either of us were spending that much time out of the house doing a hobby, we'd be having a serious conservation (and I do have horses 😆). But that's a separate issue from the car really.

What if you want to go out in the evening? He should pay towards new tyres and brake pads when they are due, that's a lot of extra mileage so they will need replacing sooner. If you look after your car it shouldn't damage it being driven more though, if it's 2k miles or so extra. Long drives can be better than short trips.
Driving 80 miles a day for a hobby is mad though. And you say you hardly see him. He is clearly prioritising that over your relationship which would be more of an issue for me than the car use.

I don't do this every day, but it's around 3 hours of my day if I do. (40 mins driving/50 mins hobby). If you don't have a commute and get up early it's easy enough. E.g. I leave at 7, can be back and start work at 8.45, then finish at 5 and be out and back before 7.

A hobby really isnt outing - whatever it is there will 3 million other people who have the same hobby - please tell us - I need to know - LOL

I reckon he is a swim coach. 6.00am morning sessions and the same in the evening. (Former swim mum.... our car once broke down when DH was taking DD. Garage came to pick it up, and DH returned home by tube. Unfortunately he was still in his pyjamas. )

Come on, it's not about the mileage is it? It's about the hobby.

Ignoring the hobby the car alone would annoy me. A small older not high power car is an oddity in some ways, it is of great value to you as a thing which enables your life but it has an incredibly low financial value. If and when it dies you will have to replace it which will cost a chunk of money.
Is he willing to compromise, go fewer times till his car is back?

This really wouldn't bother me at all - my commute every week is nearly 500 miles its 150 miles round trip. We both have good cars we need them as we live rurally, cars are there to be driven
I have currently 180,000 miles aprox on my car and i wont be changing it for at least another 2 years so will be fairly high by time i trade in but a good car is designed to last - one of my old cars had over 400,000 miles when i sold it would have been well able to do a good bit more,

I think it depends on how you organise your finances. If your replacement car would be a joint purchase and entirely your choice then unless your car is special to you, then he should be able to take it provided it doesn't inconvenience you. if you will have to cough up for the the wear and tear/replacement then it would be a nope from me.

Rowing…… that’s why he gets up so bloody early

Horse(s)?

Provided the costs are being met from the family budget and if you need the car for your own needs or for ferrying teenagers about, and he's prepared to forgo his evening training then I'd suck it up.

If he's used to a speedy car, he may well cut back anyway. He'll certainly be a convert to upgrading your car :)

One other thing, if it's old but still reliable and you do have two teenagers, it isn't going to help if he kills it just when you might want to teach them to drive in it.

It seriously wouldn't bother me. Dh uses my car, sometimes without asking if im in all day or if im in for the evening. He will ask if he can use it if he is going to have passengers or needs a smarter looking car to where ever he os going.
He usually fills it up with petrol for me so I dont care.
I'm not understanding the upset if it only a temporary arrangement.

I'd be annoyed that he takes the car every evening, leaving you stuck at home.
I didn't think she was stuck as there is another car available.

The mileage on my car wouldn’t bother me at all, I’d be more annoyed with not having my own car available to me mornings and evenings every day, and equally would question why he wants to spend so much time away from home and family.
Is he ever home apart from when he is WFH?