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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

171 replies

Oopsadaisy92 · 09/04/2026 08:15

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

OP posts:
Lickitgood · 09/04/2026 08:24

Your husband has the right idea about deliveries, if she’s crestfallen to find they aren’t there then it might encourage her to use her own address. As for toys thrown over the fence, put them in bin bags and leave them on her doorstep if you don’t want to just throw them away, which is what I would be tempted to do.

xOlive · 09/04/2026 08:25

You’re not being unreasonable because my neighbour is the same and it’s like living in hell.
The parcels, I’d send back. If the delivery driver refuses to accept they’re for next door, I’d just refuse it. I take my other neighbour’s parcels in as it’s maybe 2 or 3 a year when she’s at work (I’m on mat leave) but if it was 5 a day I’d say no.
I used to throw things back over the fence until I realised the kids were doing it for attention so I stopped throwing them back. Things don’t come over the fence now. I have children of my own, it’s not my job to entertain the 5 kids next door as well.
I really feel your pain. Until you live next door to a screaming family of 6 or 7 when they’re home all day you cannot imagine how negatively it impacts your peace at home.

AlongtheWall · 09/04/2026 08:26

I can’t believe you keep opening the door! Stop answering the door to the parcels and the CF neighbour. Unless you’re expecting your own delivery.

Put up trellis.

SanctiMoaniArse · 09/04/2026 08:28

Put a note on your door saying you only accept parcels for [you and DH names] and that any parcels for anyone else will be refused.

Then stick to that. Never ever accept a parcel for her. If they get left on your doorstep leave them there. Not your problem if they get stolen.

As for the toys just put them all in a bin bag and leave it on her doorstep once a month.

ohwtf · 09/04/2026 08:29

As someone else has said, stop answering the door. You also need to TELL her directly that this isn't on, that you won't be taking things in for her anymore, and that her kids need to stop throwing stuff in your garden. Don't pussyfoot around it.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/04/2026 08:29

I'd stop the parcels and put the toys back over or outside her house at an interval that suits you. I think when you have next door neighbours then balls and stuff being kicked over is a normal part of that.

Ncisdouble · 09/04/2026 08:30

Does she actually use your address?
Send them away like you husband does.
Tell her kids need to keep it in their garden. If she has issues undertanding, say you will send her note so she can translate and get what the issue is. Just treat it like any other issue with any other neighbour. Stay firm on your reasonable demands

LakieLady · 09/04/2026 08:35

Is she giving delivery people the wrong address? Stating the bleeding obvious, but have you told her clearly that her house is number X, not number Y? I'd write it down for her, too, in case she has trouble recognising numerals.

And YANBU about the toys, it must be bloody infuriating.

Applecup · 09/04/2026 08:38

Has she said why the parcels aren’t delivered to her house? It all seems a bit weird. Who has food delivered to a neighbour?

SillyQuail · 09/04/2026 08:43

I think it would be unfair to take out your frustration with your neighbour on her kids by not giving their toys back, but you don't need to do it immediately. It is unreasonable to say you can't enjoy your garden because of her kids using theirs though. We all have to put up with some degree of irritation from neighbours unless we live in the middle of nowhere, it's the price of living in a community with all the amenities that come with it.

7238SM · 09/04/2026 08:45

Crestfallen! 🙄

I'm confused- is it your address on the parcels or hers, but the driver is taking them to you for some reason?

Could you find out her language and use google translate to explain her address is wrong/we can't take in your parcels/toys are coming over the fence into my plants etc?

Stop answering the door and put a sign up 'This is number 12, we do not accept parcels for anyone else' 'we only accept parcels for the Oopsadaisys'

Collect the toys and only return once a week.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 09/04/2026 08:46

Refuse all deliveries. No. Not us. Not ordered.

Bin all toys. It's unfortunate, but it's the only way that any level of change will happen. And to be honest, it'll never totally stop (they're kids) but it'll slow down a bit.

PLUS put a big sign on your front door. No deliveries accepted. You can always whip it off again if you personally are expecting a delivery.

Catcatcatcatcat · 09/04/2026 08:47

I don’t understand why you keep accepting the parcels?

ElectricSnail · 09/04/2026 08:48

Balls coming over a fence occasionally, understandable. Toys and sticks sounds deliberate. I’d take the latest lot over in a bag with a note (if English isn’t her first language this makes it easier than a conversation as there’s google translate) saying any further toys over the fence will be thrown away. In the same note tell her you can’t take her deliveries anymore as you’re either away at work or in meetings. Then don’t accept anymore deliveries.

Curious, if she’s at home all day why is she getting her parcels delivered to your house? It’s obviously advantageous to her somehow, but how?

Silverbirchleaf · 09/04/2026 08:48

I agree with putting up a sign, saying you’ll only accept parcels for Mr and Mrs Oopsadaiay.

Tableforjoan · 09/04/2026 08:48

Refuse all deliveries. Once a week black bag anything they have thrown over and return to her house.

Silverbirchleaf · 09/04/2026 08:51

“Curious, if she’s at home all day why is she getting her parcels delivered to your house? It’s obviously advantageous to her somehow, but how?”

Wondered the same thing. Do the parcels have her or your address on? Do you have similar house numbers? Eg. 21 and 21A or is her house number not clearly displayed? Does her doorbell work?

Does she gave a poor credit rating so uses your address? Does she collect the parcels from you, or you end up taking them
to her? Maybe she says they’ve not been delivered to her house, claims a refund, and then keeps the goods?

ScaryM0nster · 09/04/2026 08:53

Which address is on the parcels?

TheUsualChaos · 09/04/2026 08:55

Confused about the parcels if she's in all the time? Why are they coming to you?

Her situation doesn't sound great and I feel for the kids but that doesn't mean you need to suffer because of her situation.

I would definitely start refusing all her parcels. Five a day, that's insane!

With the toys I would get a bucket or something and gather them up and leave them to come round for them. If not collected after a month I'd leave it all outside their door.

herbalteabag · 09/04/2026 08:57

If she is using your address that's not ok and I would refuse to take them. Then I would tell her that she has to use the correct number. If you are taking them in because she isn't answering her door for some reason then I would also refuse to take them.
There is a company I get parcels from that if I put any other safe place down they will leave it there instead of even attempting to knock at the door - she hasn't done anything like that has she?

PollyBell · 09/04/2026 09:00

Just say no

hididdlyho · 09/04/2026 09:00

Your DH has the right idea refusing the deliveries. The toys I would let the neighbour know it's becoming a nuisance, if it continues I would put them out in the street tbh. I did this with my neighbour after they made no attempt to control the random stuff their son was throwing over (rubbish, underwear, space hoppers, scooters). Now it's just the occasional football which I can cope with. Ear defenders are good for the garden, although you shouldn't have to put up with excessive shouting etc.

FryingPam · 09/04/2026 09:00

I normally roll my eyes about neighbours being petty about accepting parcels or a child playing in the garden, but your situation sounds extreme. I’d get a ring doorbell and if you can see it’s a delivery and you don’t expect anything, just don’t open the door. Toys you can collect in a bag and return them when convenient with a ‘please try not to throw them in my garden’. Repeat every time and increase the intervals of returning them until they get the message. If it continued and the language barrier allows it, you could even explain to the mum that you’ll return toys once per month from now on so that the children learn they’ll be gone if they throw them over.

CandyEnclosingInvisible · 09/04/2026 09:01

It's really important that you never accept her deliveries if she is actually claiming your address and getting thing delivered to #38 rather than #36 deliberately. If a company has a history of delivering to your address then she could start building up a credit debt that will affect your own credit rating. It's CFery enough to have the parcels correctly addressed but then delivered to you if they are out (which ywnbu to also refuse) but they are in their house and could perfectly easily answer their own door but they would rather your day got disrupted instead of theirs

For the toys, you can drop through a note that she can send the 7&9yo around at 4pm each sunday (or whatever time is convenient for you, name a time when you are pretty much always at home and not busy) once a week to collect the previous week's lost toys (up to them to find them - not your chore to have this aw an extra gardening task)

noidea69 · 09/04/2026 09:06

Take the parcels in. When she comes round to collect them, say you dont have them. Keep them.

She will sharp stop then.