Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

How many Facebook friends are going to care that she is showing her arse to begin with?

Bet most people scroll past or press a like button and keep scrolling with it taking less than 5 seconds out of their day.

@BudgetBuster She’s upset because her DD isn’t speaking to her, I suppose.

You wouldn’t really tell your Mum to stuff her remarks, would you? I never spoke to my Mum like that and DD doesn’t to me. She’d tell me that she disagreed with my comment though.

I would 100% tell my mother that her opinion on my body was irrelevant, unnecessary and rude. I wouldn't ignore my mother for one instance... but given the OP felt the need to make that comment instead of just scrolling by and keeping her mouth shut, I would think she probably imposes / judges a lot more than she realises (whether purposely or not).

it has NEVER occurred to me to be embarrassed of or for any of my female relatives when they post holiday pics of themselves sunbathing.

In what world are people actually embarrassed over this? The prudish one?

Well done you 👏

Thank you.. it was really easy.. it's called letting grown fucking adults do what they like on their own social media, and minding my own business.

You should try it!

Blimey, bad day at work?

I'm not the one who's 30yo daughter has gone NC over a comment i made

No, you are the one getting all wound up over a stranger online.

Wound up 😂😂

Exaggeration much

wound up? I'm over here laughing actually.. i think its ridiculous that a grown adult would be embarrassed over their daughter posting a bikini pic on their own social media.

You're the one who decided to applaud me with sarcasm. Maybe you should have a think if that attitude came into the way you spoke to your adult daughter.

She’s tedious.

No loss.

@ChillingWithMySnowmies Honestly, I don’t think parents are as laid back about their adult children as they are about other relatives/friends, because they love them so much. My Dad has called me all worried about decisions I’ve made, and I’m middle-aged!

I’m sure that you worry far more about your children than anyone else.

It's none of your business. She's 30. If she wants to stick her arse on the internet that's up to her, whether you think that's advisable or not

She hasn’t gone No Contact, she’s grumpy and not speaking to you for a bit.

Same.

Family members are not extensions of me. What photos they post online are not my business unless me or my children are in them without my permission.

If people are going to judge me by what family members’ post on their own social media, they are not people I want to befriend or be around.

This is not the same but my Dad's cousin once saw something I posted on Linkedin. It was professional but slightly pointed against an ex employer (without naming them). There was nothing wrong with the post and nobody reacted to it badly.

His cousin sent the wording from this post, emphasising words in bold which I had not, giving it a different subtext and interpreting (incorrectly) what he believed it to mean.

After that date, I removed ALL relatives from social media, blocked them all and had stern words with my father to:

a) not interfere
and b) not believe his busybody cousin and admonish me on a platform he doesn't use nor even know.

While a very different situation, I felt infantilised by my father's response. He and his cousin obviously felt I'd made some kind of mistake that they believed they were protecting me from. They weren't. It was my choices in life which I stuck by.

These are hers. You may disagree with them but it's not your business to point out to not just an adult but an adult by some margin. I get why she's annoyed. And if you don't get it yet, it's probably best she's giving you some space till you do understand as if you try and contact her now you'd do so from a view point that you're still right to have raised what you did. You're really not mate.

@ChillingWithMySnowmies I understood it to be JUST of her arse! Not a nice pic of someone sunbathing.

Yes, me too.

op, I would have done the same. I often tell my sister than we have to give eachother feedback even when this is negative because nobody else will. We can’t expect friends to love us enough to do this, they want a fun friendship, not to risk an argument or to risk upsetting us. They’ll think the bum photo is too much but they won’t tell her, they’ll probably gossip about it wirh other friends. Plus, it hurts less when a family member tells us off than when a friend does it, because family love is unconditional, so it’s best that this kind of feedback came from you.

Nah a 30 year old knows all the risks of putting images online, and has decided to go ahead regardless... you're not educating her on something she isn't aware of, you're being judgemental and worrying about what others will think.

Maybe you need new friends if you think they'd go.behind your back gossiping about something so frivolous

My message was actually for the op, sorry if that wasn’t clear. I don’t actually need any advice but thank you very much for your urnrequired input. And whether or not HER friends would gossip behind HER back is irelevant, that’s not the point of my message.
🙄

Did you not realise you were writing on a public forum where people converse over and back? Is this your first day on Mumsnet?

Ballooned to a 14/16? Ooooooo body positivity here!