Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

My mother probably wouldn't approve either... and I'd tell her that it's my body, my profile and I'm 30odd years of age so will do what I like.

Nobody has the right to comment on what another person wears. It doesn't affect Mummy.

If it isn't a wise choice... let the 30yr old deal with those consequences herself.

It does affect Mummy though. She is upset by how others, friends and family, are now judging her daughter. Because she knows they’re judging.

I'd think it but would not say anything, however her reaction is over the top and rather childish at her age.

Well Mummy can deal with her own feelings then can't she... Mummy is also an adult. She can be upset, but that doesn't give her a right to make comments about her daughters body?

Just pointing out that it’s not actually true that OP is unaffected by what her daughter does.

OP is only affected because she wants to be controlling... not because she ACTUALLY has been affected?

She was embarrassed, disconcerted, worried and upset by her daughter’s online post and by her lack of judgment. That’s called being affected.

There was no lack of judgement... except the OP judging her daughter I guess.

Those are all things the OP can control. She is affected only by way of her own standards and trying to control what her adult child does.

I'd want her to explain to me how she is empowered by posting nearly naked photos of herself on Facebook! But since she isn't speaking to you, I guess that's not going to be forthcoming.

She sounds incredibly immature for a 30 year old. Do all her friends have the same sort of profile pictures? If you've apologised for upsetting her that's all you can do. You might need to ride this one out.

It won't just be the OP judging. Seriously, how many Facebook friends are going to want to see her arse?

There was no lack of judgement

I disagree. I think OP’s DD showed poor judgement as, it seems, do the majority on this thread.

Because those are your morals. Just because you or some other people wouldn't do something, doesn't mean others people lack judgement because they chose to.

Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same?

But you can scroll on by... nobody forces anyone to look at another person's Facebook profile?

100% this

She can be upset, but that doesn't give her a right to make comments about her daughters body

Free speech is a right in the UK still?

Apologies I'll rephrase then...

She can be upset and make nasty comments about her own daughters body but she can fuck right off in then complaining that her daughter doesn't tolerate her nastiness

Better?

I have a similar age dd and wouldn’t have made that comment even if I’d thought it.

Years ago dd alluded to feeling like I was controlling and didn’t treat her like an adult so now I’m very careful about what I say. I did take her point on board and apologised while explaining it’s hard sometimes navigating this different relationship with her as an adult.

honestly, I’d apologise to her.

And it may have been the first time you’ve commented on her body/photos but I bet there’s been other instances where she’s felt you’re giving out unwelcome advice. She may never have said anything and her reaction now is due to a culmination of previous comments. If dd tells me something now I tend to ask her what she wants from me, does she want advice or does she just want to vent. Previously I’d have jumped in with advice which apparently was controlling even though that wasn’t my intention.

I can’t see what’s ‘empowering’ about showing your arse rather than your face in a profile photo. What power is it giving? Other than the power to show your arse, which anyone can do? Why would that be powerful? I used to do fitness competitions in a bikini and it really wasn’t empowering. It was objectifying, in hindsight. I think you’re right. It doesn’t seem like astute judgement to have a thonged bum as a public profile photo. It is going to come across as something that’s been done due to her craving a reaction. If she’s going to post her arse she needs to own it - ie ‘I feel good after losing weight and was hoping to get some horny comments in my private messages from a few guys’ rather than ‘it’s an empowering act of feminism’ 😄

I don’t think OP made nasty comments? She told her daughter she was concerned. It was her DD that went ballistic.

Did your daughter ask for your opinion?

She told her that the image was inappropriate.... thats nasty IMO

It was inappropriate. It is inappropriate to share pictures of your arse publically unless you're posting on a site dedicated to pornography.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

@BudgetBuster If the above is really how the OP phrased her comment, I don’t think it’s nasty. Quite diplomatic tbh.

This thread simply highlights the many differing relationships between adult children and their parents. I wouldn’t be offended if my late Mum said this and my DD (20) wouldn’t be offended if I did. It sounds as if several posters would react similarly-it’s a typical “Mum” (being abit protective) comment in our eyes.

We may choose to ignore it, but it wouldn’t upset us. 🤷

I wouldn't be offended... but I'd tell my mother she stuff her remarks.

I just cant understand why the OP is the one who gets to be upset in this scenario