AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

Who also may not want or like it? (And may not ever exist?! They might not want or have kids)

So it’ll go unworn, or be sold or changed anyway.
Saving it for potential use vs its actual owner using it as needed is silly.

No one in the future generations will be as attached to it as OP.

Why not suggest he keeps it to give to his daughter or niece?

Quite. Not to mention that his DD (if he has one!) might also get jewellery from her mother’s side

It’s his. He wants to put it into a very meaningful piece of jewellery for his future wife. This is a lovely thing for him to do with his own property.

A lot of the suggestions on here are very unreasonable.

It’s fine to be sad about it but you can’t actually do anything about it. It was gifted to him, but he has no obligation to use it or give it to anyone else. He could have just sold it and used the money to buy her a new ring!! The fact that he is using the stones is a nice gesture that is going unappreciated.

I think it's actually a lovely thing. He's taking his grandma's ring that she loved and making it into something his future wife will love. It's continuity but without being tethered to a previous aesthetic.

My husband proposed to me using his grandmothers ring, whilst it was a beautiful ring that I had always admired, it didn’t suit me or my skin tone.

At the time of the proposal he said I could pick any ring I wanted, when I tried some on I just couldn’t see any I loved and also felt sad that I wouldn’t be wearing the ring he proposed to me with. To compromise we decided to use the stone from his grandmothers ring with a different setting. Before doing this, we sought permission from the family who agreed wholeheartedly and I think they were touched that I wanted to use part of the ring. I love my ring now and the fact I’ll be able to pass it to my oldest with the history attached to it.

Well that’s the point isn’t it. Which is it? If the ring the diamonds were taken from now just looked like a ransacked tomb then is that denegradtion or tribute? I have no idea, but I suspect if the grandmother was very proud of her jewellery she probably didn’t anticipate the ring being butchered for its diamonds.

If the ring the diamonds were taken from now just looked like a ransacked tomb then is that denegradtion or tribute?

Hyperbole, much?

Would you prefer DS sold the ring, then?

Its nothing to do with me. If he wanted to dig a hole and pop it in it would have zero impact on my life, but dressing this up as some kind of beautiful gesture is laughable and just as much hyperbole as the comment you’ve quoted.

Nope. “Ransacked tomb” “denigrated” and “butchered” are considerably more hyperbolic.

HTH.

Oh that really did help. Thank you 🤣

@Cathrube Hmmm. I’ve yet to see that description in the best antique jewellery stores for that colour. However you see them in gem stores where the colour is described as rosy pink in the uk. In the USA they seem yellow. Lots are lab grown too.

All your mother’s other jewellery still exists as a whole and this one is being repurposed, just as families change over time so will this ring.

I think it’s the sentiment behind the gift that’s being lost here. She carefully organised her prized jewellery collection to be split between the grandkids and I would assume that’s because she felt they were heirlooms.

Only the OP really knows the kind of woman her mother was. Did she do similar in her lifetime? Did she take stones out of one piece of jewellery to put into another? Did she inherit her own mothers jewellery and take elements of them and repurpose? I think if she did it’s fair enough. I think if she didn’t I would be pondering whether I would be going against her wishes and have a conversation with other family members about the right thing to do.

I have inherited jewellery and I had it remodelled to be worn. It was that or leave them in the box. I mean come on op, life moves on, the history remains

You’ve obviously missed the word “suggest”.

By all means have a chat with him and explain how you feel, but it’s his ring now and I do believe that jewellery is for wearing, so if it’s redesigned and then loved again that’s not a bad thing?
I recently inherited a lot of jewellery from my mother, including a massive three stone diamond ring which looks stupid on my small hands.
I’ve talked to my jeweller and he’s going to repurpose it into solitaire earrings and a matching pendant which I shall love and wear all the time.

No, I didn’t miss it. But thanks @Ohthatsabitshit

I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business to suggest what he does with a ring that he owns, especially when he already has a plan for it.

I have absolutely no problem with that at all. Maybe there’s an issue in my head of that ring moving out of the family. Mother to daughter feels permanent. Handing over a ring to a fiancée where the engagement won’t necessarily lead to marriage, or might end up in a divorce down the road feels more risky. If the alternative was selling it though, I think it would be better to use the stones.

It may mean something to the fiancee if she knew the grandma. I gave my son an engagement ring that belonged to my mom. He used it to propose to his now wife. She does know my mom, so it still has its sentimental value.
Even if it gets reworked that's better than the ring never being wore or enjoyed. I have my husband's grandma's wedding ring set and I never wear it. I would if I had it reworked.

I’m going against the grain… I think this is a beautiful idea!

It feels respectful to keep the sentiment of an inherited piece but repurposed to something that suits his girlfriend.

I think I’d be proud of DS if he did this - what a thoughtful young man!

I bet your DS is really proud of his idea to repurpose his grans ring into something his future wife will love and hopefully pass down to their children one day.

please don’t take the shine off by trying to discourage him or tell him it upsets you!

Could you suggest he buys his fiancé the ring she really wants and saves the other ring for a potential daughter in the future?

I 100% agree with this.