AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

It is fairly good, I can’t see I’m close to her or have a strong relationship with her separately to DS, but I like her very much and when we do all meet up it’s a wonderful time. Why?

Well that’s not the case at all! I think she’s lovely and I’m very very pleased he’s planning to propose to her! She is wonderful and intelligent and very loving, she and DS make a great pair.

As far as I know she hasn’t asked for DS to do this, he’s trying to keep it as a surprise!

Its not a personal issue at all, I’m just sad that the ring won’t exist as I remember it, nothing deep at all.

Its not just being redesigned though is it. The stones are being removed and used in a completely different ring, presumably the gold will just get melted down. I think its a shame.

I think its sad when people repurpose old jewellery, especially rings. The other day I found my grandmothers engagement ring and put it on, it was nice to feel I was wearing the same piece as she did all those years ago.
If he's not sentimental could you offer to buy the diamonds he was intending to repurpose for the halo so the original ring isn't taken apart?

It's hard ,tnjbi have a chain of my nan which is old style is like to habe it made into bracelets for my daughters ,,but also have the same dilemma ,,however I think it's nicer to be worn redesigned than sit in a box unloved or worn unappreciated ,think of it as a mix of the new lucky wearer and the old wearer

It’s bittersweet I think! That’s how my mom felt when she gave me my Dads wedding ring for my Wedding.

It was a thick gold band, in a men’s style and was 2 sizes too small for me, as my dad got very thin and ill before he passed away.

Mom wanted me to have it, one sister had his gold necklace and crucifix and the other had a gold ring with an Oynx stone.

my wedding ring is just a simple gold band, but had to be smelted and more gold added for it to fit me. It was the metal that was precious, 50 years of love in that ring, the most beautiful love between my mom and dad!

Whatever the ring ends up looking like, the diamonds will hold the love of your mom. Maybe the metal and stones not used can be made into a pendant for the fiancée?

the love and sentiment is still there!

I was about to say the same. The other males of his generation have zero rights to the ring. They all got given a piece of jewellery.

It is his to keep, sell, throw away or dismantle as he wishes. Regardless of anyone else’s feelings on it, it’s his property.

While I can understand the sentimentality. I do think it’s lovely that the parts of the ring are being reused and redesigned in to something that will be worn for many more years. They are only physical objects. Whoever originally owned them loved them in their current format and gifted them on.

My brother and I have both inherited jewellery from deceased family members. My brother is gay and isn’t going to propose to a woman so he has adjusted the jewellery in to something he actually will wear (I don’t know if he has gifted any to his husband but the same applies). Which is much better than it being sat in a drawer or unappreciated or unloved. I have a son and would be happy if he did the same (conversely would also be happy if he sold it when he needed the money).

I agree with this. My DD wears my mum's engagement ring on her right hand and it means so much to her. If DS had handed it to his partner it just wouldn't mean the same to her as she did not grow up loving my mum as her Grannie.

I think it’s a shame when inherited jewellery sits in a drawer for decades because it isn’t to anyone’s taste to wear it.

@LancashireButterPie but there are no female descendants, apart from OP - she and her brother both have sons only

Reminds me we have a few dead bodies. Ashes obviously from long gone family members. I hope I’m not expected to inherit them along with all the jewellery I don’t want as the only female direct in line 😅

I mean I can sell rings but dead people.. what do I do with those.

There’s no guarantee their girlfriends will want it either though?

My wedding ring is made up of my grandmother's original wedding ring, another wedding ring that my grandad bought her for their 50th wedding anniversary and a signet ring. They would have been shoved in a drawer and forgotten about if I hadn't used them.

I think it's a lovely idea, FWIW.

Oh no that’s awful. I agree op, get another entirely and he should keep the ring to pass down his daughter if he had one etc don’t change it.

It's perfectly ok to feel as you do. But it's not your ring. It may be that he appreciates that the new engagement ring is built from this treasured piece of jewellery and made anew for the next generation. Also remember that once given and they marry, it will then be hers to keep.

That is still an awful lot of divorces though. Too high risk for an expensive family ring.

its a thing. use things; love people

We don’t actually know how expensive it is.

But: he’s spending a couple of grand at least on this ring whether or not the DGM’s diamonds get worked into it.

Every member of the family was given a piece of DGM’s jewellery. And DGM chose who got what. It’s his, not the family’s - he can sell it, bury it, drop it in the sea or have it remodelled.

Would those objecting to the redesign also object if he was selling the ring to help fund a house deposit or a professional course?

Those saying save it in case he has a DD - a DD is even less likely to want it, given she never knew the original owner, and is more likely to sell it outright when the time comes.

OP can you afford to buy it from him? That way he can use the money towards the new ring and you can keep the original. Would he agree to that? The ring he is designing is stunning by the way,

You are not unreasonable to feel sad at all but I am not sentimental about material things! I have my own wedding and engagement ring but I was gifted my mother in laws engagement ring and band too as well as other bits. I intend to keep it as is as pass to my child who is also an only child. She will do what she likes with it and I have made my peace with that.