AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

So if he doesn't use it what will happen to it?

Back in a box for decades until it ends up in an estate auction sometime and scrapped? There are so many lovely rings that suffer that fate. I have a boxful here in my studio that are awaiting my taking to pieces at some point.

If it's used in your new DILs ring it the ring will live on it's new form and be loved and cherished.

Why "more likely"? Given he is going to some trouble to design the ring with the perfect central stone, when there are almost certainly cheaper options.

These are 60s diamonds, though, not old cuts, and if they're halo sized the difference in quality would have to be astounding to matter.

I'm not sure about that. 50% of marriages end in divorce now and there is no obligation for a woman to give an engagement ring back. That's why I'm not leaving it to my son, he isn't having any children although he is married.
I really want it to stay in the family so I'm giving it to my sister who has a daughter.
He won't go without, he is getting my house.

@user976532456 They almost certainly would not have been graded when bought by the grandad in the 60s, in teems of him choosing high quality colour and cut etc. They are obviously not old cut (which don’t have higher value just based on cut) but are almost certainly modern brilliant cut. If they sparkle and aren’t grey/dull, they are fine for reuse. The cost is not taking them out of their setting (although it’s effort and a jeweller won’t guarantee they can be reused) it’s the cost of making a bespoke ring using them. This will be more than buying a new off the shelf ring.

Selfishly I would want to keep it in the family too. Whatever jewellery I have will go to DD. I’ll balance it out with DS.

This sapphire is described as burnt orange and costs £2,800. Sapphire is 1.03 ct and diamonds are round brilliants, 0.46 ct total and F/G colour.

Picture

I don't disagree with what you're saying, I'm just pointing out that the posters who think he's reusing these diamonds as a money saving strategy are unlikely to be right. Even high quality melee isn't expensive - my jeweller's time is. And unless there's enough in the cluster ring for a halo, they'll have to match the rest. It's not going to be worth it for financial reasons.

Would you be OK if DD remodelled your jewellery after inheriting?

Divorce rate has declined from its peak in 1994.

It was 42% in 2021

Applications for divorce in 2025 were 1% down on applications in 2024.

That’s all on a quick google.

Oh I love it.

@user976532456Well yes - time is money when talking about bespoke jewellery - agreed! The ring I posted has 12 diamonds so at 0.46 ct this gives an indication as to what is needed with a 1 ct sapphire. A bigger stone - more diamonds or bigger ones!

Just tried a count on my ring. It's a 3c oec with a halo of single cuts - I think there are 26.

I believe this is more the shade he is looking for, he told me this was the inspo pic he is using.

Stunning.

If he takes the stones from the family ring to use in the new ring presumably you could get a jeweller to replace the stones (with a non-diamond stone or whatever works for budget) and you can keep that part. That way it’s the like legacy remains, split into two, as a costume ring for you the way you remember it looking, and a new evolution of ring for her with the diamonds passed down through DS’s family.

If he could incorporate the white gold in and he was using all of the old ring would that make you feel better.

It isn’t being destroyed. I think it is wonderful - her ring will live on and be loved anew. It will form part of their story now and as other said it will be talked about. And every time it is mentioned so will your mum, who will live on in their hearts.

I don’t think he will incorporate white gold, his girlfriend has warm tan skin (she’s half Italian), and pretty much exclusively wears yellow gold!
Im not upset that he doesn’t want to use the ring as is, or that it’s not a ring she may like, I understand we all have our own taste and preferences. I just think it’s a shame the ring will no longer exist as I recall it. I by no means expect him to use it as is, I’d just rather it was left untouched in case his brother or cousins would like to use it as is.

@CathrubeThat is categorically a yellow sapphire! My DD has a larger antique one for her engagement ring. It’s not described as peach. These are around as new of course and again has 12 diamonds around it so that one will be about 1-1.5 ct too.

If I was the fiancee I really wouldn't want a sentimental ring like this dismantled. If I didn't like it as is (which is fine) then I'd choose a new one to my taste.

I’d just rather it was left untouched in case his brother or cousins would like to use it as is.

But each of them got a piece of jewellery from your mother, so it would only be fair to DS1 if they wanted to buy it from him or if they wanted to exchange with their DGM piece.

And depending on ages/inclinations, it could be years until any of them are proposing, and no guarantee their fiancées wouldn’t feel the same on style preference.

Picture of 1.45 ct sapphire with diamonds.

https://www.kjj.co.uk/products/2-24-peach-sapphire-and-natural-diamond-halo-ring-in-18ct-yellow-gold?srsltid=AfmBOoqOp9fMtH0vbVktkgAieXCFMgbXPUknLSJL7ZDiN7uhLZ5RksZB

The reverse image search calls it peach!

My mum gave my son her engagement ring a few days before she died. They were very close and my mum was very fond of his girlfriend. They had been together for years and my mum knew they intended to get married. Before he accepted it he told my mum that he couldn’t guarantee his girlfriend would want it and he wasn’t going to put any pressure on her. My mum fully accepted that and said she trusted him to do the right thing with it if his girlfriend didn’t want it. As it turned out they got engaged about 3 months after my mum died. His girlfriend (now wife). absolutely loves the ring and it means so much to her.
I can say hand on heart though that if she had wanted to redesign it that would also have been perfect. I no longer see it as my mum’s ring, it’s hers now. I do live the story behind it though and I know they do too.