AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

I can see both sides tbh. Better it is repurposed rather than sitting in a draw never seeing the light of day. I’d probably feel the same as you do as I am sentimental. But also appreciate my tastes are different to others. I’ve got a range of rings which will be passed down to DD and fully expect them to be repurposed into something she loves and would want to wear.

I understand. It’s like stripping Herbie off for parts.

Or donating an organ.

Yeah, it’s just a bit soulless.

But, at the same time, it’s obviously not his fiancée’s cup of tea, which is fine.
A 1960s engagement ring would look pretty dated these days.

So, i’m torn. Either pop the ring away in a drawer, or use the diamonds for the next generation of owner.

@ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews Lots of people repurpose gems from jewellery they don’t really like. I’ve said earlier, it’s extremely foolish to do this when it’s a valuable piece from the 1930s, for example. That original piece will always be valuable if kept intact. However this is a ring with probably small diamonds from the 1960s. It’s no great piece of jewellery and I csn see the attraction of repurposing. I posted some examples of what he’s likely to get yesterday. The ring would be a bespoke piece for his fiance and that’s never a cheap option. The halo ring is now in fashion, so that’s why fiance would like one.

Jewellery is personal. It’s been loved by its previous owners but it’s time to move on. Had it been an exceptional diamond mounted in platinum by a recognised maker, it should not be broken up. But it’s not. See the rings I posted earlier for ideas - they don’t look bad to me!

Was about to say the same thing.

I can understand the sadness OP, but also, I think it's nice to repurpose rather than it being shoved in a cupboard and never seeing the light of day, which is probably the alternative. I'm not hugely sentimental though.

Peach sapphire though, that will be stunning. I love how thoughtful your son is being too.

See I don’t think it is soulless - I think it’s the opposite!

If your son doesn't make a new ring using some of the stones what he supposed to do with the ring?? Have it sit in a drawer gathering dust, sell it and use the money to buy a new one? At least this way he is incorporating his family history in a modern way and the stones will be on show for everyone to see.
You probably shouldn't say anything to him either, you gave him the ring and telling him you are upset the ring is being broken up will not achieve a good outcome, as I said earlier, what is supposed to do with it??

I inherited my grandmother’s engagement ring. She was engaged in 1926 so the ring is now officially 100 years old! I’ve left the ring to
my daughter in my Will but with a caveat that says she is to pass it on to my grandaughter (my son’s daughter). The reason being is that my daughter has 2 sons. I don’t want them inheriting something that they would in all likelihood gift to a female partner. If that relationship ended then the ring would disappear out of the family to someone for whom it has no sentimental value. Maybe I’m being a bit cynical but given that so
many relationships these days don’t last I’d rather not take the chance!

@Lolalady How controlling of you! In your will no less! Is it a Cartier? No one will care if they don’t like the ring! Hopefully it’s a big diamond in platinum. I always advocate giving early - way before death.

That's so weird.

It’s been mentioned upthread that more marriages are actually lasting than 30 years ago. Which is interesting I thought. Obviously you can do what you like with your own jewellery but it’s a shame I think to take this attitude overall.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all…I’m just not sure you can have a say in it.

it probably means more to you than it does to anyone else. Of course it does. But ultimately it was left to him to decide what to do with it. And whilst I don’t really want to point this out, giving the feelings you have about it and rightly so…the ring may not stay in the family down the line. It will be the new wife’s to decide what to do with it. Whether it be given to her sister, any children or even selling it on in later years.

im very old. I have a huge amount of jewellery. Some are family heirlooms, the majority my lovely husband has bought me. We only have adult sons. I’d love to think my jewellery will stay in the family. That it will be treasured beyond belief. The chances are that it won’t. It will be sold for the money my kids may or may not desperately need, it will be given to wives and girlfriends. Its history will be lost, my kids aren’t interested in the history of it. Maybe if I had girls but my adult sons aren’t interested at all in it, even now. We can’t make our kids feel the things we do. His attachment to it is different as much as I understand where you’re coming from OP

I used diamonds from my grandmother’s 1927 engagement ring and had a new ring made. My ex chose the design, when we got divorced I kept it and still wear it sometimes. I also recently had diamonds from a ring made into earrings which I wear all the time. I have another ring from the same source which is not my style but very sentimental, as I remember the person wearing it, so I might just resize it. All my jewellery will go to my nieces, not my son as he is unlikely to ever marry or have kids. Not sure what I will do with my own mum’s things. I think that will be a lot more sentimental and I would just like to keep them and not wear them.

I'm a jeweller, we make bespoke pieces and particularly focus on remodels. If he's just using the diamonds, which would be the cheapest part of the ring in this case, I would recommend to a customer that they don't use the original ring. The gold and sapphire will be the vast majority of the cost, small diamonds we normally charge around £35-£40 per stone, so if he were just breaking the ring up to use the diamonds I wouldn't. It's different if a customer wants to use the gold in the new ring, or offset the cost by scrapping the gold, but without knowing the full details of the ring it's difficult to know if it could be used - to get 18ct yellow gold, it wouldn't be ideal to use 18ct white to convert it (though we do it the opposite way round).

@lilkittenHe might well want to use the diamonds though. That’s the point, surely? It keeps the link. Yes, new small diamonds are not that expensive but we are not sure how big the cluster is. It’s normal to reuse diamonds and maybe turn the gold left behind into something else? When he sees the cost he might have a different idea though.

Yes for sentimental reasons it's usually something people do, and it depends how small really as 2.3mm looks a lot different to 1mm. If he's saving the gold for another future piece, that's also good. But he may have been given some options - we're working on a commission at the moment where the inherited 9ct signet ring wouldn't have been worth using in the 18ct engagement ring, especially having to add fine gold to make a higher alloy, but it would be good in his wedding ring.

@lilkitten I would never consider mixing 9ct and 18 ct gold! What ct would you end up with? Not 18 that’s for sure. I agree size of diamonds matters but she could have them in the shanks if not decent enough for the halo. Even Meghan changed the engagement ring Harry gave her! There’s undoubtedly some options for the old diamonds.

We make our own alloys, so it's possible we can use 9ct to make 18ct, but you'd need so much extra fine gold to bring it up. Generally we'd only make 9ct into new 9ct, and mostly use 18ct and 22ct to make new 18ct, but for sentimental reasons sometimes people want to use the 9ct into 18ct. I personally don't like to, mostly because of the risks from the 62.5% of the non-gold part of the alloy and knowing how the metal will work.
Using old stones is great though - we often do pieces that are a mixture of stones from different rings, and recently turned a stone-set bangle into two pairs of earrings and a pendant. I'm of the mind that the molecules in the metal and stones are the sentimental part, so I wouldn't have a problem melting down my engagement ring to make something new. I just hope that the OP's son gets a good deal with whatever he would like to use the gold with, just as that may be the most valuable part of the ring.

@lilkitten I’m not sure the gold has been mentioned for reuse. There might not be much of it. It might be a narrow band but might be quite deep - we don’t know.

🤣 that is such shitty behaviour, from beyond the the grave no less. Your poor daughter and her sons!

I think people are missing the point that there is a vast difference between a high street jewellers ring for £2kish and a vintage piece from Cartier/Bentley, etc.

The children (grown ups now) will get my jewellery including pieces from grandma and mother. The total value will probably be £100kish. I hope they will keep some, but if not, that's fine, I'll be dead.

I was thinking this, wait until the next generation to see if there is a female blood relation who might like it for sentimental reasons.

While I’d really appreciate the gesture, I’d find jewellery passed down to me from female blood relations a lot more meaningful than given from in laws.

That's weirdly controlling.

Personally I don’t think this is really
on.

If you’re going to use an heirloom ring, you should keep it manly as is, not take it apart for scrap.
He should just buy a new ring I think.