DH hates the sunshine, feel sad about family days out etc

[LittleHoliday]

DH has always hated the sunshine and warm weather, he grumbles and moans like anything the second the sun comes out. We both happened to be off work today, so I suggested taking our 4 and 6 year olds out somewhere nice. He basically said not to be so ridiculous as everywhere will be heaving! The kids have spent the day in the garden, whilst I've been doing some gardening and he's been inside reading! He then said he wanted to spend some time with them as he's off... So he's taken them to the cinema and told me to put my feet up in the garden.

Part of me thinks that at least everyone is happy with what they're doing, but it does make me sad that he never wants to go to parks or make the most of being outside. He's a good husband in all respects, and the second it starts snowing he's bundling the kids up to build snowmen and have a snowball fight! It's not that he's lazy. I just find his hatred of the sun so irritating!

I understand him completely, I am the same. The sun and Summer make me depressed, I hate it. I can't help it, like those who hate Winter can't help it.
I will say though, I make a much better effort than your husband, no matter how much I hate it.

His reason seems to be not the sunshine but the fact that when the sun is out, other people go out and therefore everywhere you might want to go is “heaving”. So instead he looks for the least suited activity to the weather that he can, ie the cinema when it’s a sunny day. Does he make them go to outdoor things when it’s cold and rainy as the cinema will be “heaving”.

Everyone gets annoyed on MN when posted diagnose, and obviously I’m not qualified to do so, but this screams OCD to me. Actual OCD, not just when people are tidy.

I've just been for a walk in my local park, as I do most lunchtimes.

It was, indeed, 'heaving' and not remotely enjoyable or relaxing, so I can see your DH's point.

this screams OCD

It really doesn't. It screams 'man doesn't like hot weather and crowded places where you have to queue for everything and people are chucking litter around and you can't get a seat in a cafe'.

I don't particularly like sunshine either. Or being hot. And I live in Florida. I do make an effort to do things outdoors, though, for the sake of family harmony. My favorite kind of day is one we are having right now: gentle, steady rain.

I’m the opposite of him, and it would have to be a cold day in hell before I had a snowball fight or made snowmen. So I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to criticise someone for avoiding hot weather the way I avoid cold.
And he’s not wrong that anywhere outside in this weather in the Easter holidays will be horrendously busy.

Yeah I get it, to be honest I hate busy places too - we both do! He really does hate warmth and sunshine as well though. I just feel like we're depriving the children by not pushing through and making the most of it. I suppose they have had plenty of fresh air in the garden at least.

I struggle with the heat. I faint, and suffer sun stroke easily - yes in the uk!

Doesn’t mean I sit inside and make the rest of the family suffer, I plan accordingly, wear a hat or use an umbrella.

whilst I understand your dh, he should find a way of coping.

If the DC have been in the garden then they have indeed made the most of the warm weather. YANBU though, it's a shame not to enjoy the same things as a family. Maybe you should suggest something like a walk in the woods - plenty of shade and enough space to be not too crowded.

Is he fat?

I hate the sun too. Daywalker essentially. My lovely friends and family always find the half in shade table at the pub, the path with the trees.

Sunshine burns, makes me itchy, hot, stupid and annoyed. And people who love it and think everyone should are like early risers, who think it’s a moral failing when night owls disagree. Kids like playing in the garden and going to the cinema!

Depending on where you live there are other options though besides play parks? What about local woodland or forest walks. They’re often shaded and not as busy as they don’t have swings/slides/sandpit etc. Failing that public footpaths often go through remote areas. I have a friend that takes her kids to the play park at 6:30am as they’re all awake and leaves by 9am when everyone else arrives 😂

Where do you go for your summer holidays? It's been hot in the UK for the last few summers so it must be difficult ... unless you choose chilly places abroad/

Seriously? I have been a consultant psychiatrist for 30y but I don’t try and diagnose online. There is nothing here that ‘screams OCD’. Nothing at all.

Could You take them yourself? For fun sun days

Poor kids won’t be leaving the garden then?! They will indeed miss out.

I'm not a fan of hot sunny weather either and on days when we've had a day out and its hot and sunny I'm really not enjoying myself. For me hot sunny weather feels oppressive and claustrophobic and I just want to get away from it. I also love cold snowy weather even dark rainy windy weather is also fine.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to resent this but neither is he. My MIL wants us all to rent a Villa in Spain this year as a group Holiday, I won't go when its too hot for me to enjoy and SIL won't go when it's not really hot as she feels its a waste of money not to get the weather she likes. Neither of us is wrong.

It really does. The constant worry that everything will be heaving and limiting yourself because of it.

The problem solving the hypothetical worry worry that where you might want to go will be heaving. Not just solving the problem when you get there.

You don’t have to listen to me - neither does OP - but once you know anything about what OCD is, this screams it.

I don't want to do half the things I do with my kids but I get on with it because it's nice for them. He doesn't need to like the sunshine but he has a responsibility to give your children a range of experiences which should include time spent outside in the summer so frankly, he should get on with it.

Lots of non fat people dislike the heat you know! I am not a fan of the sun or the hot weather and am on the low end of the healthy weight range.

I think everyone is allowed to hate and moan about one type of weather. If he is good in every other type of weather he gets a free pass to hate the sun.

The kids don't need to miss out, you can take them to the park on a sunny day if you think that's the best option for them.

I didn’t say it was exclusive to fat people? I’m asking if he’s fat.

This him?

(Sorry OP, couldn’t resist. Hope you manage to find a compromise.)

It's not constant worry - everywhere outside WILL be heaving today. It's the Easter Holidays, it's glorious, one of the first nice days of the year and the only one forecast for a while. Today is a perfect day to spend in the garden if you have one.

So your children miss out on family beach days, days in the park, outdoor events because your DH can’t grin and bear it for a day?

Loads of things I don’t like but as an adult I know I need to suck it up