To wonder how much of the 'penis portion' complaint is due to women on average needing less calories?

[Carla786]

The competitive undereating thread on here recently got me thinking: I haven't come across this 'penis portion' (men being served more than women) issue in my life, so I may be misunderstanding..

I can see it being sexist if the woman is being served a huge amount less, the man gets the nicest bits etc. But if it's more that both get a full serving but the man gets slightly more, maybe it's partly due to the host thinking (correctly) that the average woman might need slightly less?

😂😂😂😂

That makes it sound like the little bit of meat I save to give to the cats

Honestly at any of our family meals the food all goes in the middle and people help themselves to what they want.... isn't this most polite and most common?

I think men on the whole probably are justified in wanting slightly more as they do have a higher daily calorie need. This is especially so if the man does a more manual job and let's be honest a man is more likely to be doing manual labour as a job especially in older generations. Unless I was a literal human dustbin I'd find it very rude for anyone to police my plate though tbh.

Slightly off topic but many times on MN ive seen teenagers referred to as needing nearly adult sized portions...
Their calorie requirements are often bigger than adults.

On average men do "need" more but I totally agree that it shouldn't be assumed unless you are actually sure of someone's appetite and preferences. A sporty or breastfeeding woman may need more than a sedentary man.

I serve my husband and son more than me or my daughter because I know they'll eat it all and will moan about being hungry if I give them less. Whereas I feel uncomfortable eating a lot in the evening and my daughter is fussy and picks at her meals so a big plateful would just be a waste. Same with a couple we know. The man hoovers down his meal. The woman is a dainty eater so I serve her less and even then she gives half of it to her husband to finish. But unless i know well I wouldn't assume and would try and do "serve yourself" type meals.

I was quite shocked to see that my son's girlfriend eats even more than he does. But also flattered that she loves my cooking haha, so she's very welcome to it! She is always moaning that she just can't lose weight and I do think, erm, yes, there's a reason for that What I'm trying to say is even if it's more or less than someone should scientifically "need" they are still perfectly entitled to decide what they "want" at each meal.

My grandmother (RIP) was the worst for penis portions. She thought that women who enjoyed food were appalling and that the natural female state was too be on a permanent diet of ryvita and cottage cheese <boak> though she was very overweight herself and I think she must have been a secret eater (my mum, her daughter, certainly was). At breakfast the men would get a fry up, the women and girls would get a tiny bowl of museli. I LOVE bacon and eggs and always felt gutted. Mid morning there would be tea or coffee and the men would get a large slice of cake, nothing for the women/girls. My stomach would rumble away until lunch! We would be allowed a small slice of cake with afternoon tea with lots of giggling and muttering about how "naughty" this was. I once asked for a second helping as I was still hungry and the cake was nice! I was very tall for my age and skinny as a rake. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was "very greedy and ate far too much". 10 year old me sat there thinking "but I'm thin and you're fat so how does that work???"

I think it's an odd term too, that's why I put it in quotes. It's the one that MN uses about this topic, for whatever reason.

My SIL tried to do penis portions. She got a bloody shock when I swapped DH’s plate with mine and started eating. She’d served me one roast potato, a spoonful of mash, a spoonful of peas, 2 brussel sprouts and one piece of meat while the men’s plates were loaded, I asked if there was anymore food and she replied “that should be plenty for you”, how bloody rude

@PinkNailPolish2026 Haha well played. Glad you spoke out. How dare someone say that should be enough for you when you’ve asked for more. Talk about internalised misogyny!

I have never experienced or noticed this thankfully. I could see how it may work within immediate family if you know what’s going on with everyone’s day, how much they eat, if they prefer smaller servings etc but it’s utterly ridiculous when it comes to guests to just assume based on sex.

I am short, my calorie requirements are only 1400-1600, but often I only eat 2 meals a day and have most of my calories at dinner. I am also struggling with anaemia right now and would not be best pleased if I got a smaller portion of iron rich food.

Maybe one of the female guests has been at the gym earlier and multiple times that week, while the male guest has been sedentary all day and is typically not active.

Best just to serve everyone a reasonable sized plate then have a little more left over do everyone and leave it to individuals if they want to take anymore

I wouldn't have thought so given the first is the correct terminology for male genitalia and the second is a soft porny slang term mainly used by American teen boys and the sort of unsavoury man who also says 'panties'.
I don't care for the term either. But it seems odd to object by suggesting a worse one.

That would make sense. Honestly it’s wild how delusional some men are. But that’s not the topic and I won’t take down the tone of this thread by elaborating on my experiences 😂

Best just to serve everyone a reasonable sized plate then have a little more left over do everyone and leave it to individuals if they want to take anymore

Seems so obvious and normal, doesn't it?

Exactly! And it’s certainly normal in my world.

Penis portions is when my MIL served my husband four boiled potatoes and I got two when our BMR calorie needs are the same. It's not giving people what they need individually, it's assuming that women need less because they are women and in some cases giving women less than they need because they should be smaller.

Sometimes. Not always and not in my household. The women are more active and less sedentary than the men.

It's never about giving people what they need individually because the 5'6" man never gets given less than the 6' man. And nobody starts asking you how much you lift or whatever to determine your activity level or querying your muscle mass. I know some smartarse is going to bring this up, so yes there is sometimes an exception if someone at the table is a competitive athlete or has a particularly physical job or something, but you know that's not what's going on here. People will serve women less food by default and claim it's because women generally require fewer calories, but they won't account for any other variable in requirements like size or activity... and they also won't realise it's not their sodding job to police their guests' intake. Women who are watching their weight will probably eat less on the day to account for the heavier meal and even if they don't, it's still not your place!

It's just plain sexism and it makes you an appalling host and a miserable dinner companion. And weirdly, this offends them, which I truly don't understand. Do people do this because they think it makes them fun and sparkling company around the table?

It's sexist when assumptions are being made.
At home I usually serve my husband a slightly bigger portion than mine (but not always, depends how hungry I am!) but we always both have enough

My in-laws ALWAYS serve me and SIL smaller portions without asking, and it's usually fine but it can be annoying if I'm particularly hungry that day/it's extra delicious

On average I have slightly lower calorie requirements than DH (he's a lot bigger but I'm more active and breastfeeding) but appetite will naturally vary from day to day and I like to be able to choose how much/little I want!

Spot on @ThatCyanCat

It's never about giving people what they need individually because the 5'6" man never gets given less than the 6' man. And nobody starts asking you how much you lift or whatever to determine your activity level or querying your muscle mass

They also won’t differentiate between 5ft 2 me and my 6ft 1 female friend because we are both women and automatically have the same calorie needs (sarcasm)

We all serve ourselves here. I do invoke penis portion when my husband who is 30cm taller and 20kg heavier than me cooks dinner and then tries to cajole me to eat half of it. I can’t eat the same as him. The extra becomes leftovers or goes in the bin.

Portion sizing matters.

I have to tell my partner to serve himself up and then give me half of what he has (he ignores this frequently 😁).

He is over 6' and is very active. I am neither.

I don’t think that phrase - first time I’m hearing it today tbh - is meant to apply to people who serve themselves. So that’s a completely different matter.

It also IMO doesn’t apply if it’s someone serving another who knows you well like a partner and knows you don’t want a lot of potato or the biggest portion of meat or whatever.

The issue is more related to extended family and friends or restaurants who make judgements on how much they should serve someone purely based on sex.

If you order dinner at a restaurant they don’t give men more food, so when I am hosting I do the same. It is true that men need more calories day-to-day, and at home my DS and DH have larger portions- I let everyone decide for themselves how much they would like to eat.

It just makes sense. In our house I try to make the portion sizes something like:

1. biggest - teen boy;
2. roughly equal second biggest - middle aged man & teen daughter;
3. smallest - middle aged woman.

I don't know why this is even a discussion about calorie requirements or activity levels.

It is a hosting issue.

When you are hosting, you serve the same portion to everybody and allow for seconds for those who want them. What they eat the ready of the day and how they balance their calorific needs is up to them. And usually you serve the best to your guests.

(I had a bloody cockerel who understood this, and when presented with new hens, would pick out bits of his food to offer them. If you don't understand that you offer a generous meal to your guests, you are less intelligent than a cockerel, congrats.)

It makes sense in your house. I'm a (tall, relatively active) middle aged woman who'd be VERY upset if you gave me the smallest portion of food!

That's pretty much the opposite of penis portioning. Of course you don't have to eat more than you want, and he shouldn't try to make you eat more if you don't want to, but he's not deciding for you that you always should have less than any man.

Penis portioning doesn’t mean a man deciding a woman should eat less.

It’s just a term that means men’s portions usually need to be larger because they are usually larger and usually work more physical jobs that required heavy manual labour.

Inferring it is some kind of tool of the patriarchy to keep women underfed is a stretch and anachronistic.