AIBU to stay no contact with my mother after false reports?

[Candy24]

AIBU to have no contact with my mother for repeatedly reporting me to child services? All false claims. 5 investigations. All been cleared. I'm highly embarrassed.

My sister thinks I should just move on. I literally can't.

Personally I would be no contact after the first false report. What are her motivates for reporting?

That's the thing the only motive was to destroy me. I've lost friends family everything due to it. Child services has said it is really evil to lie like that. It has been proven to be lies but she is convincing

Also once I found out it was her I cut contact but she has kept reporting me

Why would you still have contact? It’s a no brainer

No you’re not being unreasonable at all. I would have never spoken to her again after the first report. You can’t possibly be expected to “move on” from somebody trying to get your children taken away from you, which presumably is what she was doing.

Do not revive contact with her. Call the police too, she’s harassing you and making vexatious reports.

Your sister is bonkers.
Move on without then.

No contact, this woman has could cause you no end of problems in the future.
Why is she doing this? Does she have mental health problems, is she vindictive, or is she trying to gain access to the children? Whatever the reason U know I would keep away.

Apparently they can't do anything about it. She can go to professional people and lie they have to report it. I've literally lost everything other then my kids. I'm a shell of myself

Therapist thinks narc. It is crazy. I feel like I've lost my mind

How have you lost “everything” if they were false allegations?

If this is the complete truth, then police will be able to help as it is harassment. You should also speak to a solicitor for proper legal advice.

Absolutely not U. Unless there is a massive backstory (I.e you’d been living with an abusive partner) and there was a genuine reason for it, I would have gone NC after the first report. Staying in touch with her just gives her ammunition and, make no mistake, she will report you again. Your sister just wants an easy life and/ or is under your mum’s thumb. Just ignore her.

My mother tried something similar but not this exactly this or to this degree.

I can't speak for the OP but constantly having to defend yourself is draining. You're constantly on the defensive. You brain and nervous system are never at peace.

And that's even before you get to 'no smoke without fire' people or the constant sense of not knowing when it's going to happen next. You withdraw from friends because you don't have the energy or capacity to deal with other people. You lose your capacity to relax and enjoy things.

In my case, it contributed to the breakdown of my marriage because my then husband was having violent and horrific nightmares, amongst other things, as a result and ended up in therapy. I lost confidence in myself and the constant state of "WTF!!" took a huge toll on both of our MH.

It's relentless. You feel like you're trapped in a situation that you can't see a way out of and there is not way to reason your way out of it either.

It's all consuming even when you're determined to not let it be. It's not something you can just eye roll at and move on from.

I've lost my confidence and I'm just lost. It is a horrible feeling

This. My marriage is falling apart

I can't defend myself. I've gone to police they said nothing they will do child services has said they must investigate. I honestly feel so betrayed. I begged her to apologise she flatly said your a liar and child services are known to stuff up. She didn't even dob in her neighbour for using drugs and dri K with her kids like it was horrific. She reported me based on full lies

Have you spoken with SW about how they could manage malicious reports? In my LA they can record with a note on file if repeated malicious reports are made by the same person as far I understand it.

Because she uses doctors and other medical or mandatory reporters to complain to it can't all be pin pointed to her. Honestly I was so insensed lDt time child services apologised as they could see it was vexatious

Like @purplecorkheart I would have gone NC after the first time she did that. If my sister thought it was no big deal and that I should let it go I would NC her too. I would do that with anyone who didn’t support my position or I couldn’t be sure were not passing on information to my family. That would be important to me because, should my mother report me again, I would like to be able to tell SS that she’d had no knowledge of me and my children for x months/ years.

You need to put as much distance between yourself and any other family member who continues to be involved with her after this. The less she knows about your life the less credibility her accusations will have. If I were you I would consider moving away.

Why does your sister think you should move on? That’s craziness. If your sister is causing you stress as well then maybe step away from them all for the time being at least.

I would never be back in cont at with your mother though.

Your sister wants to keep the peace; that's why she wants you "to get over it" and go back to being your mother's focus/emotional punchbag/narcissistic supply.

You already know the answer. Stay no-contact with your mother, go low-contact with your sister. Don't give them anything to use against you. After 5 reports, this should be flagged on the social services' file. Above all, don't reward your mother's lies with attention: it just proves to her that it works.

I am sorry your marriage is under such strain. Can you move further away?

No I'd not be able to move on from someone making a malicious report to social services, I'd never forgive nor could I forget. Go NC with her, don't let her have any contact with the children. Tell your sister to come preaching moving on when your mum does it to her too.

I'm so sorry this has had such an impact in case of losing friends and family and that it is effecting your marriage.

What is she reporting you for if you have no contact with her? She would have no evidence if she hasn't seen you or them? I would seriously consider moving far away from her and never having contact again.