AIBU to stay no contact with my mother after false reports?

[Candy24]

AIBU to have no contact with my mother for repeatedly reporting me to child services? All false claims. 5 investigations. All been cleared. I'm highly embarrassed.

My sister thinks I should just move on. I literally can't.

Google narcasistic rage as thats her, shes a bitter jealous woman who wants to destroy others as she loathes herself...just ignore her and block...if you react she wins just ignore her...vile woman dont allow that energy in your life

5 reports?! Girl forget no contact you need to be filing for a restraining order & reporting her to police for harassment

My dds father and stepmother did exactly this. She hasn’t spoken to them since. Some things are just not forgivable.

Omg what a disgusting disgusting sorry excuse of a human being! Something like this happened with me, I was bullied by my SIL and when I finally pointed out how horrid she was thats when the lies started! Yes people really are this evil to do this to good kind innocent people there are no lengths these people will not go to too protect their egos. Sick.

She tried to prove her lies were true it backfired but she refused to give up

Can you move house to a new area, start again?

More then 25 reports. She did a 3hr interview with police for what I don't even know. 5 official investigations. Police came once the hatred both services had for us was full on til they saw it was lies. They looked at my husband and I am said we are sorry. At one point she was telling them I was severely mentally ill. I offered to go be assessed as I started to believe it the therapist said it wasn't me that was ill. Also she made such crazy claims about my husband. Forgive yeah ok but I have no interest in opening myself up to that crazy.

We have the emotional stuff follows you though. I have no contact. Just so hurt tobe told I caused it

She fully unhinged and no professionals are buying it. This sounds like an actual personality disorder, this is beyond even just revenge. It is 100% on her, I wouldn’t even be feeling any kind of shame or self-doubt, you have others backing you here

You said you have moved. Id cut all contact. Work on marriage and start fresh.

I'd get some legal advice OP. You will be able to do something through a solicitor or the civil courts. Im so sorry.

I can only imagine how incredibly hard this is to live with. I assume you have already taken legal advice. There should be more done to support people in this situation.

No I tried but was told nothing I could do.

Who told you that you caused it? You never caused this nor did your husband, your mum caused this with her malicious lies.

The worst part is she has convinced my daughter oldest she was SA. How and when she said it happened isn't possible. Police investigated. She at first said my husband then another family member. Police came and said where is this room and cupboard? We were like that never existed. My daughter has no contact with us. Child services and police have both said she was used but my daughter unfortunately is convinced. Child services said keep your mum away she wants to get you. The professional said my mum told her what happened when interviewed but it was all lies. My husband worked away at the time. My husband is a real prude he was abused as a child. He has PTSD from it. He struggled with intimacy. My mother didn't know certain things but she saw this as an opportunity. My dad actually said mum suggested it and my daughter went with it so it must be true. The poor other family member has not recovered and actually became suicidal though cleared by police the family member couldn't cope with it. My mother completely is to blame for this. When I say anything though I'm betraying my daughter. My daughter is confused and hurting. We tried everything now we wait. We have told her door is open. I removed hubby from house for a while while we worked out what happened. Child services said that that showed we wanted to check things. She quickly said it wasn't dad but this other family members. My mother got excited that my husband was gone that's when everyone started to go woooo what's going on. My daughter was a pawn. My family is ruined. We have been cleared over and over. Someone said my daughter has doubts but my mother has really convinced her. My story sounds unbelievable and I get that. My therapist said it is one of the worst narc mother stories she has heard.im in severe betrayal trauma. My husband was angry hurt and just plain we saved our marriage just. We are barely coping with it all.

Oh the other family member called her out for her lies. My mother wanted revenge

OMG that is awful, I am so sorry. You did not cause this, you are not to blame, this is not your fault. Your mother is evil. I am so so sorry you are going through this.

Some people believed it. The accusation was we covered up the abuse and actually encouraged it. I mean truly sick stuff. We waited for police investigation that closed it saying it couldn't have happened. Still wasn't enough for some. I simply just couldn't live with it. I considered suicide to stop her attacking my family but really that wouldn't stop it.
I blame myself everyday for not seeing she was a narc. I mean could have saved my family this pain.

@Candy24 you are NOT to blame. You may have seen things that were not right but nobody unless they have witnessed this type of evil can ever fully understand it and even when we see the pattern recognition we do not want to believe it ourselves. There are thousands of case studies and documentaries about psychopaths but sfa about parents especially mothers who are narcissistic. Others just cannot fathom how low these people will go. Your mother is truey evil she really is I am so so sorry you are going through this.

I. In therapy as I do blame myself all the time it truly sucks

This happened to me only it was my sister not my mum. Still cant work out why she did it. Haven’t spoken to her in 6 years. I did lose a lot of people as I didn’t know who it was so sadly ended up thinking it was certain people till I found out who it was so then they didn’t want to speak to me again which is fair enough. I just couldn’t believe it was my own sister.

No contact

I'm so sorry that happened to you but wow feels good knowing others understand

Could you move house so she doesn’t have your address.

Your eldest dd must realise that if what her gm convinced her had happened then you wouldn’t have your other children living with you.

Maybe one day she will realise just how unhinged her grandmother is and the horrific affect she has had on her life.

If you can’t sue your mother then I would be looking to suing SS /Local Authority for making you go through multiple investigations that they know are lies

I would think the police could prosecute your mother for wasting police time, perverting the course of justice

Malicious communication is another offence off the top of my head. I think it is something along the lines of if the communication is designed to be bullying or a hoax or meant to cause distress
The police need to have some idea of the law and start doing their job. I would start by seeing a solicitor and maybe a letter to both the police and SS about them taking your mother seriously and after so many times investigating and proving these allegations are false they must realise that opening an investigation again and again is looking like they are joining your mother in abusing your family.

If anything their investigations have led to one of your children being put into a dangerous situation as she is now on her own with the person responsible for her abuse being the only family member she had contact with

The stress from these multiple investigations is becoming to look like abuse from SS and the police and is negatively affecting the other children

I would also call out your sister and ask her if the only reason she wants you to not make such a big deal out of this is because if you kick up a fuss her mother could end up behind bars.

Or is it because whilst your mother had you in her line of sight she isn’t abusing her

I’m so sorry @Candy24 the more details you give reveals how evil your mum is! It’s so shocking how she used your DH’s past trauma to detonate your world.
Your eldest DD has to unravel the lies herself as she is doubting her own mind because she is being gaslit by your mum who will trip herself up. She is so caught up in her lies that details like a secret room and cupboard that doesn’t exist will become more fanciful that even a blind man could see they are lies.
The only control you have is healing yourself and the family you have left, becoming stronger day by day. One day your DD will turn up devastated she has been used as a pawn against you both.
@FairKoala is correct about your sister, she is desperate for you to forgive and forget because whilst your mum was abusing you your sister wasn’t being abused. Your sister is a willing victim though because she chooses to stay by your mums side.