AIBU to stay no contact with my mother after false reports?

[Candy24]

AIBU to have no contact with my mother for repeatedly reporting me to child services? All false claims. 5 investigations. All been cleared. I'm highly embarrassed.

My sister thinks I should just move on. I literally can't.

So sorry to hear you are going through this, I have been here myself, my mother is 100% narcissistic and reported me years ago out of spite however at the time ss did not tell me it had been her just what had been said (neglect/alcohlism accusations etc all untrue) and when i broke down even just getting the call it was my mum i went to and she tried putting it into my head it was my brother that did it.

The second time and this is how I found out it was her the first time she went to my sons school and said same, and then tried to tell them my son is never in school because I am always drunk. They told her he had perfect attendance but the deluded witch tried to tell them he didnt even with evidence he was always there. This time the school rang me while she was with me and i had the phone on speaker and she had to admit it. I got her to leave my home and have been no contact since. Narc rages both times as she could not control or manipulate me and thought smearing my name and getting SS involved in our lives would make me 'need' her and thus take her abuse forever. She was wrong.

Not one allegation against me incidentally was correct just to point out, however I am doing an amazing job of raising my now 16 year old alone and its even better now her lies and vitriol and drama are no longer in our lives but my sister has also told me to get over it basically because shes afraid she will be the mothers next target. people without these emotional terrorists around them will have no idea the problems they cause for us even when we are found innocent of charges because you never should have to defend yourself against other peoples lies to begin with.

Because some people are nasty toxic liars who make false reports like this. I know it is hard to understand if you have never dealt with it but it happens. Its cruel.

What is your sisters argument for letting it go? Are you expected to all sit round the table together at christmas.

Appreciate that its not a simple thing but if i were you i would move house.

Thanks for getting it. Honestly I think I'm crazy sometimes. She acts like none of it is her fault. I haven't spoken to her for 2 years. She makes such crazy claims my kids were sighted and the lady said yeah it isn't true. She said I wasn't feeding my children. It was clearly evident I was. She accused husband of being a drunk it just wasn't true. So many unhinged things. She has people convinced in an abusive mother like criminal mastermind. I wish I could laugh. I've moved away.

My sister just thinks it isn't a big thing and if I hadn't let my husband hurt my kids I wouldn't be in this position....one of my mum's lies. Then there is my dad I should have nothing to worry about if it isn't true.... child services turned up to take my kids after being there for 3 hrs they could clearly see it was all lies they closed the case that day. My mother offered to take the kids. Child services could see the utter lies.

All this started because I wouldn't leave my husband as my mother didn't like him. They had a fight over her behaviour.
He called her out. World war erupted as she was angry. I reminded her we are the parents. We say what goes.

Well she showed us. I'm literally fighting for air now it is horrifying. I feel shame all the time.

Stay NC with her forever she is toxic! As for your sister dismissing the trauma and devastation the lies have caused you, DH and DC, she knows what mum is like but chooses to believe the lies.

Thanks. Yes my sister completely has dismissed it

You have been betrayed by your mum who has tried everything to rip your family apart because she doesn’t like your DH.
You and DH are reeling from the deranged actions of a Narcissist! You are both probably suffering from PTSD and need therapy. Please don’t take it out on each other, you need to hold onto the family you created together and keep away from toxicity.

Yes. I'm in therapy and currently she is like your so worn down we need to get you stable to even start working on it. I'm not mentally feeling ok now. I'm crying a lot and not coping. I honestly was fine before all this. My husband is barely coping. We are baffled as to how she had won. We just keep treading water

Your sister has no empathy for anyone, she wants you to forgive and forget because it impacts her life and the only time she will show you any support is when mum turns on her. Then she will run back into the fold and bitch about you to mum. It’s a never ending circle that you need to cut out of your life.

Get off social media, change your mobile numbers whilst you try to come to terms with the hatred and betrayal thrown at your family. Your family has shrunk in order to survive and your future is about love, nurture and happiness x

You are mourning the birth family you thought you had and shocked that someone can detonate your lives so easily.
You need to hold on to each other and help each other to get through the shock and trauma. Rebuild both your confidence and know that you are each other’s safety net. Reassure your DH that they will never be part of your family lives again.

She hasn’t won my lovely, you are both traumatised and in shock at the malice you’ve had to deal with. Your mum is evil through and through and you are both scared.
Don’t feed into the drama, don’t announce your intentions to cut your sister off, just quietly do it. Get new mobile numbers, change your email addresses and delete social media, you need peace to heal.

The friends you’ve lost through her lies are not worth losing sleep over. You know the truth and if others believe her lies without asking you then they obviously weren’t true friends. You’ve moved now and can make more friends.

Keep your mother blocked and add your sister too, she's no better.

Can you move with no forwarding address?

My dad and stepmother tried this shit ONCE when my oldest was born. As a result they haven't met any of my kids, I've been no contact for 15 years.
It sounds like your sister needs to be cut off too.
Then in my experience, they keep doing this shit because they are used to getting their way and are literally having toddler tantrums because it's not working. ANY signs of weakness or giving in from you will have you back at square one (talking to them, trying to reason, comproming, engaging with their flying monkeys i.e your sister.) No contact, no response. Things will fade and get better as they realise they really have no control over you.

Your sister is your mum’s flying monkey trying to make out that you should just accept and forgive mum. If that doesn’t work mum will manipulate someone else to make you feel unreasonable.
As someone else posted it’s best to cut them out and never acknowledge them ever again as it just starts it all off again. Once mum is unable to get in touch via other people and no reaction she will soon set her sights on someone else to destroy.

Oh OP, I just want to give you and your husband such a big hug. Please don't feel shame - if this was happening to someone I knew, I would know that the things being said were all lies and that their parent was insane and vindictive. Your friends probably feel the same way.
You are clearly a very good mum - not just a standard good mum, but one so good that social services see how good you are despite all your mother's vindictive lies. Please hold on to that. If you have house insurance, it might include legal cover - might be worth seeing if you could get some legal advice on all this, just in case there is a route worth pursuing.
Many many big hugs

Wow thanks. It is just devastating

When I first saw your title I was expecting that it would have been a (strong) difference of opinion, or your mum getting the wrong end of the stick, but what you've described is awful. I work in children's services, and as much as I'd like to say 'if you've nothing to hide there's nothing to worry about' it is of course stressful having professionals come into your family life, especially ones who are trained to question if things are as good as they seem. I agree with others that your sister is just wanting you to keep the peace, or doesn't want to see how bad your mum has been, but absolutely do keep your distance from both of them. You need to protect yourself.

go to a lawyer and get an injunction that way she cannot contact you I personally would never want to clap eyes on her again has she always been this way?

Keep all documents about the last five cases. One malicious report is had enough but multiple is seriously unhinged.

Just go NC with both, sister being involved with your mum means info will get back to her.

Also to add: I also had a malicious report from a narcissistic mother. Constant accusations that were just stupid and false. One day she turned up uninvited at my new address, and from just 30 minutes in my one, new elaborate stories were created. Any entry point into your life is giving steam to these people. Cut off.

I hear that, I had a relative who would do anything to upset one of my in laws because she didn't think she was good enough for her son.
These ppl also hate being challenged and clearly want revenge.

It's always the way with abusive narcissists who can't get to you another way, playing the 'bad mum' card because they know that's what hurts the most. I don't know why this surprises some posters - it's the card narc exes play so why should a narc parent be different in that regard, they're lashing out looking for what hurts the most.

No contact - end of. Don't feed her desperate need for attention by getting back in touch. I know it's hard to cut off a relative. But the relationship with her is already damaged beyond repair. See this as a gift to your future self, unburdened by her behaviour. She'll lose interest eventually.
I know it's drastic but I also agree it would be good to move house if you can. Fresh start. But understand if you can't.
Handhold and rooting for you OP x

Good god what a horrible horrible human being if you could call her that! What is she trying to do? How dare she call herself a mother. Get as far away from her as you possibly can and I would report to the olive, false accusations are serious and can be classed as defamation of character. You know what this woman sounds so vile the only way to have a good life is to completely cut her off. Make sure all social media is private etc.

Exactly, awful narcissistic abuse. Ive had it from my MIL and people telling me “dont be silly are you sure why would she do that blah blah” because shes a narcissist horrible human thats why. No contact end of

Can't you report her to the police fir harassment?