AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

[TWD123]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

No.
I'm saying they could apply for a Carer's Allowance.
Lot's of people have a Carer's allowance and work.

You keep mentioning being on benefits in your posts as though that automatically means someone is worse off than a person not on benefits. The truth is that the OP could easily be bringing in more than her partner each month with child and disability related benefits, then the added non-income benefits (e.g. glasses, dentists, fsm) on top.

Well, it sounds like OP doesn't have any savings unlike her partner so it doesn't sound like she is better off.

You are not allowed to earn more than a very small amount per week while claiming carers allowance

Am I getting mixed up with "Attendance Allowance" then ? 🤔

In this case the op is sick. But how many people out there are playing the system? Living apart to maximise benifit gain?

But they can only earn £195 a week to continue claiming carers allowance so the partner would have to drop working hours hugely?

Attendance Allowance is a disability benefit that people over state pension age claim when they have care needs.

OK.

If the income and savings of your DP wipe out your benefits, then that will put you and your child in a very vulnerable position. But it sounds like there is a lot more going on here anyway.

Lots of couples live apart and still have a fulfilling relationship. I have no plans to live with my DP. Been there and done that.

depending on how much savings she has it may make your UC award become less

anything up to 6k is fine
after 6k -16k it’s a reduced amount
and once your over 16k all UC will stop

But there was no need at the start to discuss earnings, usually this is discussed at a later stage

What uc refers to as cohabiting isn't as narrow as you seem to believe. You need to ask her to leave as this relationship could count as benefit fraud. She cooks for you= cohabiting, does housework = cohabiting. Signs of a sexual relationship= cohabiting.

I don’t think she lied about her income at all. She said she struggled month to month and OP thinks that because her income is 2800 (doesn’t specify whether this is pre or post tax!), there’s no way she could be struggling financially. If it’s pre tax it’ll be about £2300 a month. It depends on quite a few things but if they’re down south in particular with high rent/mortgage payments, 2.3k won’t stretch far. She may also repay a student loan so will lose some salary there plus, because she works, her prescriptions and dentistry are not free like OP’s. Maybe she’s in debt too so has high repayments. We don’t know what her situation is but either way, 2.3k isn’t a lot. It isn’t as if she said she earned way less, just that she was struggling.

Regardless, I don’t think you should live together. For starters, she struggles as it is so I don’t think she should suddenly become responsible for OP and her children too.

She needs to move out. It looks like a win win for her. The fact she was dishonest with you in the first place is a red flag. Protect your home and your children first because eventually if it all goes south your children are going to lose out.

Tbh the lying would be reason enough for me to ask her to leave. £2800 a month is almost £50k income, and shes unable to manage it. Financially irresponsible and lying to me are flags I couldnt ignore regardless of benefits xxx

They are not her kids, it all becomes a bit confusing

I had this similar thing with a friend, as someone in finance I helped them rebudget.

The first point is, do you have any smart phones you could trade in and drop to sim only on lesser quality of phone, maybe an iPhone 11 rather than a 15 or whatever number they are at these days, lebara have great deals for less than a fiver a month, do you have any subscriptions, sky? Netflix? Disney? Spotify? Go basic on these and / or cancel them

my friend saved £345 a month doing this, think about what you can change and control rather than what you are losing from the taxpayer, that way you can live together, be happy and won’t be reliant on tax payers, or more so the government rules impacting you

plus your partner may be willing to cover say £600-£700 if you are showing you are making moves to budget.

Perhaps she is always struggling for money because by the time she has paid all her bills out of her wages, she doesn't have much left? You state she'd be 1k better off a month living with you. Does she rent where she lives? If so there is no way her rent and associated bills are only 1k unless she's in a flat share in a cheap area.

If you can survive on your combined income, why would you continue to claim from the state?

No it doesn't, not if you actually read it.
She thought her partner was broke so it would be feasible, turns out her partner actually earns more which would mean that the OP was financially reliant on her and her partner would be expected to provide for her and her kids, even though she seems to be terrible with money.
Sounds like she has common sense and is thinking practically, which everyone should do when they have kids.

It does sound like it’s all about the money to you! If your partner is willing to move In and share finances then quite frankly you should do it and save the taxpayer, as for your extra costs, prescriptions get a pre payment certificate only £10 a month for as many scripts as you need. Sorry to be blunt but we as a country are really struggling financially and not a bottomless pit!

Absolutely, no wonder this country Is in a mess with these attitudes 🙈

I'm sorry but l would give.this woman a wide berth. She lied about her real earnings and savings to you. So what else is she lying about?

She sounds as though she wants the best meal ticket she can find. And that could be you.

Get Rid. Done let her use you .

Your partner will have to subsidise your loss of benefits. Benefits are based on household income. If the household doesn't need them you wont get them.

Why should everyone else pay?