AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

[TWD123]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

Where did the OP say she lied about how muxh she earns?

If you are a couple and as a couple, earn over a threshold to receive benefits then you do.
It doesn’t matter who earns what, but collectively what is the household income.
If it means you won’t be with a person and a couple because your benefits will go then you do not value your relationship much.
She has been dishonest about money. Your attitudes to money are not a good start.

" because that's what she told me"

Because you don’t loose it until you leave that phase of school (primary or secondary).

I think it's time for your partner to go back to their own place. They've been dishonest with you about finances, borrowed money, and you will be quite a bit worse off if they move in permanently. The night shift are disruptive to your kid. This was a temporary setup and now it needs to end.

Again... where did the OP say her partner LIED about HOW MUCH she earns?

One person's idea of "living on the breadline" and "not earning much" might be very different to another person's. Living takes into account expenses and lifestyle choices too. How much a person earns is a tangible figure.

OP feels her partner deceived here and wasn’t upfront or totally honest, which is what matters here as it’s OPs life

Yes... but it's not factual to say the partner lied.

You can get a NHS pre pay prescription certificate for £114. That’s all your prescriptions for a year sorted.

It’s mumsnet not court.

I know that 😂
But like why make shit up when it's clearly not true... it doesn't help the OP

If she is struggling now then surely will be worse living together as she will end up paying for everything as you lose your benifits

tbh I understand where she is coming from. She will be worse off as well as paying for you and your kids

you don’t sound compatible. Tbh you don’t even sound if you love Her

It isn’t making shit up, it’s how the OP feels based on what she’s said, which is 100% relevant to the thread. You are just being pedantic which any more helpful

Isn't that changing too? Though possibly not until the changes in September anyway which wouldn't matter.

Fair enough. Thanks.

She told her partner she’s living on the breadline. She absolutely isn’t. Of course it’s dishonest.

It would feel pretty dishonest to me since her partner has borrowed money from OP in the past knowing that OP relies on benefits and doesn't have any savings unlike her partner who turns out, does actually have savings.

Her partner said she was living on the breadline, she isn’t. That’s a lie.

She borrowed money when she had thousands in her savings? Yeah no, I wouldn’t want her to move in either!

You sound more like friends with separate finances than a couple with joint.
But DWP will see the household budget only.
Don’t move a friend into your home until you are a couple with a shared future planned and shared finances.

It's open to interpretation though. Your breadline and my breadline could be very different. It sounds like her partners budgeting habits might not be the best.

If you have savings, you very clearly aren't on the breadline and don't need to be asking to borrow money from someone relying on benefits to feed their kids.

The breadline refers to a level of income to which someone is considered poor. It originated in the 19th century, when poor people waited in line for free bread. It’s not a term open to interpretation the way you’re implying.

Ah stop that 😂

So you think the OP genuinely thought that he partner that works full time and has been dating for 2yrs was waiting in line for free bread?

Not the case - she could quite easily have £1600 rent and council tax if on her own in south east or London plus bills, even here in many parts of south west it would be £1450 minimum - plus bills on top of course!

I 100% agree. That's why I said I think thag the OPs partner probably has budgeting issues moreso. Probably afraid to use savings in case of an emergency, but putting too much savings away and ending up with little to nothing left at the end of the month hence telling the OP they are living on the breadline and don't buy new clothes or having to borrow money.