Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday at the time of grandchild’s birth

379 replies

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 05:22

My son is having a second baby in June. They will also have a 23 month old. There is a three day festival in another country I want to go to at that time. I was going to make it into a two week holiday.
they live 350 miles away so I would have to stay in a hotel. They have no other grandparents help.
Would I be unreasonable to go?

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 07/04/2026 07:37

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:28

To answer a couple of questions. Her sister lives two streets away. No children. She will take toddler when she goes into labour until I get there. If not, she will have to go in on her own until I get there.
No specific request. Ie will you come? It is just assumed I will be there.

Have you asked them what is going to happen? What is going to happen when you go into labour to toddler.

Original poster
Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:39

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:33

To give “her” a break? Presumably it is also to give your son a break, unless he does nothing to raise his own family or keep his own home clean?

I note you also say that your DIL struggled to cope, is that because you raised a man who doesn’t lift a finger and sees it as women’s work? Because you clearly do from your posts.

Also, 70 is nothing, my parents are in their 80s with serious health issues, and still want to come and be involved. It’s nothing to do with “not being as fit as you used to be”, and everything to do with what you prioritise.

In this case you can choose not to prioritise your grandchildren and their parents but do expect the same consideration back when you might need support.

Show quote history

If you read my other posts I have said he does 100% of the childcare when he is not at work. He also does the bulk of the housework when baby goes to bed.
I go not just to give her a break, but mainly to give my son a break as she finds being pregnant and having a toddler difficult.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 07/04/2026 07:41

i agree this is the wrong time to make a stand, if they need your help then you should give it

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2026 07:42

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:34

To deal with another question. I am reasonably fit. I am in a cycling club and, spread over the week, i cycle about 100 miles per week.
Her sister would not do any childcare other than that above. She once looked after the baby for a couple of hours in an emergency until I got there.

So it sounds like they have a sister problem not a you problem.
Why can't the sister look after DC1? Does she have a job where it's difficult to get last minute cover e.g. Dr, teacher etc

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:42

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:34

To deal with another question. I am reasonably fit. I am in a cycling club and, spread over the week, i cycle about 100 miles per week.
Her sister would not do any childcare other than that above. She once looked after the baby for a couple of hours in an emergency until I got there.

😂 you try to paint yourself as exhausted and ground down by childcare but you are clearly having a wonderful time, and are lucky to be in very good health.

It’s fine to say you don’t want to help, you would rather take a holiday than look after your grandchild so you son can be present for the birth of your other grandchild and your DIL isn’t giving birth alone. But actions have consequences and if I were your son, I would never prioritise you again.

PollyBell · 07/04/2026 07:42

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:33

To give “her” a break? Presumably it is also to give your son a break, unless he does nothing to raise his own family or keep his own home clean?

I note you also say that your DIL struggled to cope, is that because you raised a man who doesn’t lift a finger and sees it as women’s work? Because you clearly do from your posts.

Also, 70 is nothing, my parents are in their 80s with serious health issues, and still want to come and be involved. It’s nothing to do with “not being as fit as you used to be”, and everything to do with what you prioritise.

In this case you can choose not to prioritise your grandchildren and their parents but do expect the same consideration back when you might need support.

Show quote history

There is a lot of assumptions

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2026 07:42

Jewelanemone · 07/04/2026 05:54

Go to the festival. Maybe they won't take you for granted quite so much when you get back if they've had to cope without you!

This is an incredibly high risk strategy- why would you choose that time to pull back from the help you are offering them ?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/04/2026 07:43

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:39

If you read my other posts I have said he does 100% of the childcare when he is not at work. He also does the bulk of the housework when baby goes to bed.
I go not just to give her a break, but mainly to give my son a break as she finds being pregnant and having a toddler difficult.

Show quote history

So she can sit back and be a bit useless because everyone else does it for her? Bloody hell!

And then to bring another into the world when presumably she’s intending to sit on her arse and get everyone else to do the work??

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:43

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 07:39

If you read my other posts I have said he does 100% of the childcare when he is not at work. He also does the bulk of the housework when baby goes to bed.
I go not just to give her a break, but mainly to give my son a break as she finds being pregnant and having a toddler difficult.

Show quote history

Funny how you changed your tune when called on this. All about “giving her a break” and “she struggled to cope”. One of your statements isn’t true.

LightnDark · 07/04/2026 07:44

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:42

😂 you try to paint yourself as exhausted and ground down by childcare but you are clearly having a wonderful time, and are lucky to be in very good health.

It’s fine to say you don’t want to help, you would rather take a holiday than look after your grandchild so you son can be present for the birth of your other grandchild and your DIL isn’t giving birth alone. But actions have consequences and if I were your son, I would never prioritise you again.

Show quote history

That would be so petty after all the help OP has already given. Over one event. If the son is like that, no loss to OP.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/04/2026 07:44

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2026 07:42

This is an incredibly high risk strategy- why would you choose that time to pull back from the help you are offering them ?

Show quote history

Why high risk? It’s not like they will cut her off, given they need her more than she needs them

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:45

PollyBell · 07/04/2026 07:42

There is a lot of assumptions

Show quote history

Based on her own comments.

WimbyAce · 07/04/2026 07:45

My parents did this. As it was it didn't happen as covid struck and baby came early anyway but even so it still seemed an odd choice especially as we struggled to conceive.

LightnDark · 07/04/2026 07:45

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:43

Funny how you changed your tune when called on this. All about “giving her a break” and “she struggled to cope”. One of your statements isn’t true.

Show quote history

I don't see a contradiction. Even minimal might be worth a break from if she's struggling.

MrsBrownsBum · 07/04/2026 07:45

Baby might come before the festival even begins, or after. Hard to say as you haven’t given due date vs festival date but I say book the festival at least and decide whether to stay for 2 weeks nearer the time. 3 days is nothing, they have sister there and you have already done a lot for them.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2026 07:45

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/04/2026 07:43

So she can sit back and be a bit useless because everyone else does it for her? Bloody hell!

And then to bring another into the world when presumably she’s intending to sit on her arse and get everyone else to do the work??

Show quote history

Oh my word, how many children do you have ? Being pregnant and looking after a toddler is incredibly hard work, have you any lived experience of this ?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/04/2026 07:46

User1367349 · 07/04/2026 07:42

😂 you try to paint yourself as exhausted and ground down by childcare but you are clearly having a wonderful time, and are lucky to be in very good health.

It’s fine to say you don’t want to help, you would rather take a holiday than look after your grandchild so you son can be present for the birth of your other grandchild and your DIL isn’t giving birth alone. But actions have consequences and if I were your son, I would never prioritise you again.

Show quote history

Then you would look like a spoilt little shit. The son isn’t prioritising his mother anyway, She is being used because the DIL is either lazy or useless

LightnDark · 07/04/2026 07:46

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2026 07:45

Oh my word, how many children do you have ? Being pregnant and looking after a toddler is incredibly hard work, have you any lived experience of this ?

Show quote history

I have five children in ten years. It's very doable.

SpringAndSunshineIsHere · 07/04/2026 07:47

DHs parents were travelling the world when DS1 was born. They didn’t meet him until he was 9months old. DH has never forgotten this. It really hurt his feelings.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 07/04/2026 07:47

Ferguson0909 · 07/04/2026 06:19

You have all convinced me that I should not go.
i think a part of me was just feeling resentful because I am just taken for granted. I do everything when I am there just to give her a break. Cooking. Cleaning. Childcare. The lot.
i clearly need to stop being a doormat.

All the more reason to go on holiday. It’s your life. They have their life and should accept you doing your own thing. Surprised so many here think you should drop everything to be with your son.

FruAashild · 07/04/2026 07:48

ToastSoldiers · 07/04/2026 06:14

I don’t think she should put her life on hold in general, but I think for the birth itself, it’s reasonable.

Show quote history

Exactly. I think being in the house to help with the childcare for the birth (which could be in the middle of the night) is very different from an ongoing request for you to travel to help. Although I feel for your DIL if she doesn't have her Mum anymore.

YourHeartyFatball · 07/04/2026 07:48

Being pregnant and having a toddler IS hard. Presumably your son works full time so is only spending 100 percent of his 2 days off doing everything for DC1.

LightnDark · 07/04/2026 07:48

SpringAndSunshineIsHere · 07/04/2026 07:47

DHs parents were travelling the world when DS1 was born. They didn’t meet him until he was 9months old. DH has never forgotten this. It really hurt his feelings.

That's a lot different than a week. Maybe two.

LameBorzoi · 07/04/2026 07:48

Liveafr · 07/04/2026 07:07

Let alone a festival that will be on next year anyway

The thing is, there is no guarantee of that. Maybe the festival will be cancelled because the organizers will go bankrupt, maybe there will be another pandemic or something, maybe the op won't be able to go because she will have other pressing issues (family member dying or something), maybe she won't be in good enough health to go there. I don't want to sound morbid but at 70 y.o. I would not want to postpone experiences.

Show quote history

How is the birth of a grandchild not an " experience" ?

MrsBrownsBum · 07/04/2026 07:49

SpringAndSunshineIsHere · 07/04/2026 07:47

DHs parents were travelling the world when DS1 was born. They didn’t meet him until he was 9months old. DH has never forgotten this. It really hurt his feelings.

That’s a bit of an extreme comparison to this situation. OP is not going away for 9 months. They can cope with a baby they chose to have.

Swipe left for the next trending thread