AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

[Beautifulsiro56]

Males working in my cbildrends nursery- makes me feel so uncomfortable
Why would a male want to work in a nursery? Most nursery abuse cases are men.
Men shouldn't be allowed to work in nurseries? AIBU

Don't female nursery workers ever do any fun stuff to entertain or mentally stimulate the children, then?

Statistics don't work that way. Only my oldest went to nursery and it was chosen for how I thought it suited him. It did have a male worker as many in London do these days, as well as an influx of male students of all courses doing work experience.

I'd take the higher chance that a male worker will be a positive influence to my son in what is otherwise a very female environment over the tiny chance that this man with a background check is a covert paedophile.

It's about looking at risk rationally and considering the advantages as well as the frightening parts.

Every setting will follow the statutory guidance.

I was just wondering what policies you were thinking of that could mean a "male nursery worker has been verified to a much greater extent than family members have"?
No previous convictions and a reference?

YABU. Childcare funding in the UK is growing massively and there is a big drive to keep up with that demand. We are crying out for childminders and nursery staff. If men want to work in that sector then I think they should be more than welcome.

I would imagine working with children is enjoyable - why can't a man derive joy from that?

Is that what you think 🤔

If you think the only reason a man would want to work in a nursery is because he's a pedophile, I would suggest the problem is you.

One difference is school children are more capable of reporting abuse and understanding that they don’t keep secrets for people. Even then they are still often coerced into keeping quiet. At nursery age they have practically no chance

Exactly. It certainly is. Men are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. It does get quite tedious.

I was just answering your question regarding policies. I didn’t ask any questions.

Great. So you're happy to risk a heightened chance your child could be sexually abused or raped. Still a small chance, but much bigger than it would have otherwise been.

Because that is in fact how statistics work. And you don't know whether or not the male nursery worker is a sex offender who hasn't been caught, so all you can operate on is statistics.

Personally, I'd rather send my child to an all-female nursery, if I had to send them to nursery, and dramatically decrease the risk they'd be sexually abused. There are plenty of other ways to give your child a positive male role model (that he won't even remember as an adult).

This is a really good point
a DBS certificate is only as good as when it’s done, anything can have happened before and not be reported or could happen since.

What a disgusting linkage you are trying to put on parents!

I am most definitely not in favour of sexual abuse.

are you sending or did you send your children to primary or infant schools with no male staff? How did you find that?

Yes there is heightened risk. But it isn't raised to a number i am uncomfortable with. It sound rise from 0.00000000003% to 0.000000003% and that would mean an increase of 200% if I've got my zeros right. But still a tiny risk overall.

there is higher chance that he will be positively influenced by the presence of the male. Id take that.

You said the safeguarding policies in a well run nursery mean a male worker is more verified than a family member.
I was clarifying whether you were talking about specific policies, but it seems you mean any man with no criminal convictions who is employed by a nursery is verified to a greater extent than a child's father?

Yanbu.
Thankfully this was never an issue for me.
It is in my opinion just strange for men to do this for a living.
And no it's not comparable to a man looking after his own child as it has to be done as part and parcel of being a parent but to choose it as a living?
It's poorly paid. I mean I can imagine that there's no financial incentive there.
If for some reason they raised the salary to 6 figures tomorrow I'd understand it.

I don't give a fig if this sends sort of wrong message about putting back women and feminism.
I'd rather a tiny baby be looked after by a bored teenage girl than a man who appears enthusiastic about it.
A baby has no voice. The vast, vast majority of abusers are men.

It just makes sense to ban them.
Yes there will be some male nursery workers who are decent and that's a shame but it's no brainer for me.
The only people who should be allowed to work in nurseries are female.

If you really care about statistics and keeping your children as safe as you possibly can, you obviously wouldn't use a nursery or childminder at all, though. Sexual abuse of children is abhorrent, as are all kinds of abuse of children.

You'd probably homeschool too. In fact, even taking them out to the park is exposing them to more risk statistically than only ever letting them go into your own garden.

And if you're a statistics person, which do you think there are (magnitudes) more of: men who want to sexually abuse children; or men who would enjoy looking at adult women's breasts for more than strictly medical procedure purposes?

Either way, nobody is remotely stopping you from making whatever arrangements you are happiest with for your own children.

I'm not doing anything except presenting the statistics, and the logical conclusions that can be drawn from people deliberately ignoring and dismissing them.

Except it's very easy to protect them from the risk male nursery workers present, without curtailing their lives and keeping them hidden in the garden at home, by simply banning male nursery workers.

But you've made your position clear; a woman's dignity is worth a man being barred from employment, but not the significantly heightened risk of a child being sexually abused. Fair enough. We'll have to agree to disagree.

I do think that nobody should be performing intimate care on any child alone and this protects both parties.

Do you ever allow a male relative to be alone with your child?

There is a nursery near us and the chef is a man. He had worked there for years and for as long as he has been there I’ve not heard of any issues and they also offer placements to uni students (male and female) and the owners husband runs the office and does the accounts etc…

I’m sure I remember that there was a high profile nursery case somewhere down south involving a female nursery worker tho! I don’t think it’s fair to see it’s just men and that they should be banned. There’s probably some really good male staff out there and just a handful giving them a bad name.

It’s so beneficial for children to have positive ale and female role models. The onus is on nurseries to safeguard effectively, the reality is children come into contact with males throughout their childhood. Teachers , sports coaches etc.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-49684939

this was the case

Other than my husband, no. Not through particularly needing to try, though – it's just worked out that way. Although once my children were verbal, and understood about 'private parts being private' etc, I felt there was less risk.