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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop covering my husband when he runs out of money?

295 replies

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:41

Hi there, slightly frustrated and just need some other point of views. So my husband and I distribute household bills - he sends me his share of the rent and I basically pay all the main household bills/subscriptions like council tax, water, gas/electric, broadband, TV, etc as well as my share of the rent and whatever other bits of bobs/loans. He earns a little more than me - aside from his share of the rent, he pays his car insurance, car finance, road tax, one loan repayment and is currently paying back a relative and he’s nearly finished. He also pays for petrol sometimes weekly sometimes fortnightly depending on how frequently he’s used the car. He’ll usually cover the groceries after being paid. Somehow he’s then always left with nothing very soon after payday and whatever he does have left he uses for gambling. I’m quite budget conscious and track my spending so I’m usually left with a reasonable amount after bills are paid. He usually asks me for money frequently and I don’t usually pay much attention to how much I’m giving until I realise that I completely run out - it’s gotten to the point where we’ve both run out and had not even enough for a pint of milk or toilet roll. I decided enough is enough and said I can’t keep covering him when he’s running out of money despite me covering all the main bills and he has to either start earning more or get better at budgeting. It’s hard because obviously it feels mean but his spending needs to be more structured.

OP posts:
Figcherry · 07/04/2026 07:12

Burgundyflower · 07/04/2026 00:37

Well, divorce is quite extreme - why’s that always an option? I didn’t say he isn’t hardworking, he does provide when he’s able to but I’ve also recognised that he clearly has a problem with budgeting and clearly gambling. I think with support he can sort it out.

You're being very naive op.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 07/04/2026 07:13

BIWI · 06/04/2026 22:45

Why are you not both paying into a joint account? Or at least paying your share of bills into a joint account?

If you're both earning pretty much then you share things equitably.

If he's earning more than you then you shouldn't be bailing him out.

Stop doing it!

Would you share a bank account with a gambler?

Alwayswonderedwhy · 07/04/2026 07:16

Do you have children with this man? If not, I wouldn't even try to make it work. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that selfish. If won't stop gambling I'd leave.

somanychristmaslights · 07/04/2026 07:28

BIWI · 06/04/2026 22:45

Why are you not both paying into a joint account? Or at least paying your share of bills into a joint account?

If you're both earning pretty much then you share things equitably.

If he's earning more than you then you shouldn't be bailing him out.

Stop doing it!

You really think they should have a joint account when he proves he just pisses his money away? Yeah, that’ll go well.

somanychristmaslights · 07/04/2026 07:31

Me and DH have a shared account that all bills come out of which we pay a certain amount in to. Then the rest of our money is ours to spend however we like. How much does he have left over each month that should last him?

CocoaTea · 07/04/2026 07:31

Gambling!!!! He can’t afford to gamble!

YANBU to stop subbing him immediately.

However, I think YABVU to be with a gambler who can’t manage his finances. This won’t end well.

YellowScarf · 07/04/2026 07:31

Burgundyflower · 07/04/2026 00:37

Well, divorce is quite extreme - why’s that always an option? I didn’t say he isn’t hardworking, he does provide when he’s able to but I’ve also recognised that he clearly has a problem with budgeting and clearly gambling. I think with support he can sort it out.

Marriage is a contract and the longer you have that contract the more your finances are viewed as ‘matrimonial assets’. If you then do divorce in future you are liable for his debts.

Divorce doesn’t have to mean breaking up but I do think you need to consider your future financial stability.

I guess the saving grace for him that stopped me telling you to also run for the hills, is that he covered things when you weren’t working.

The gambling, however, is a MASSIVE risk to your future.

YellowScarf · 07/04/2026 07:33

somanychristmaslights · 07/04/2026 07:28

You really think they should have a joint account when he proves he just pisses his money away? Yeah, that’ll go well.

I thought the same. A joint account with a gambler rings massive alarm bells in my head.

Gardenquestion22 · 07/04/2026 07:36

Honestly. I’d leave him. I can’t imagine living with that level of denial from him and managing household expenses with kids. You don’t have enough money for toilet roll and he’s gambling?

Starburst360 · 07/04/2026 07:36

And stop wasting his money on gambling surely?

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 07/04/2026 07:45

Why is he not contributing to bills?

daisychain01 · 07/04/2026 07:50

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:51

I advise him all the time that he should stop but he doesn’t get it.

Gambling addictions don't work like that!!

Of course he's not getting it, because he doesn't want to get it.

He's in control, it's only a little flutter, just one more and it'll be the big win, why are you spoiling my fun.

you'll get all these excuses and deflections.

you'll need to get out of this marriage, he's dragging you down, because you're the one paying for his gambling losses out of your hard earned money.

Catcatcatcatcat · 07/04/2026 07:57

I wouldn’t stay married to a gambler, if he’s building up secret debt it could implode your life.

Carry on the relationship if you want but combined finances are too risky.

Do you have children?

Aphroditesangel · 07/04/2026 07:58

I suspect you are in denial about his gambling habit.You need to see his bank statements. The fact that he owes so much should be a clue

DrySherry · 07/04/2026 08:01

It seems to me he is in a debt trap. I'm not condoning gambling, especially when he's already tight but surely the main issue isn't £20 or £30 a week on scratchcards its :

A car Loan
A relative Loan
A personal Loan

One of the three I can understand - but how did he end up owing on three separate lines of credit. Has any of this debt been accumulated to benefit you both ?

Mischance · 07/04/2026 08:03

In a normal relationship it is possible to have joint finances, but not where one is a gambler.
Do the calculations and divi up outgoings clearly and equally. Present the figures to him. Tell him you will not sub his gambling.

Snaletrale · 07/04/2026 08:03

Just be careful that he doesn’t have a load of credit cards etc. if you are married, half his debts are yours.

MeridianB · 07/04/2026 08:04

You’re funding more than your fair share of the bills and giving him money when he runs out, but he is showing you he doesn’t respect or value your sacrifices as he is still gambling.

If he was spending every penny on his debts things might be different but his mindset and behaviour has barely changed.

I suspect the minute you stop the handouts he will start borrowing from others or trying to get loans or credit again.

YellowScarf · 07/04/2026 08:12

£10-30 per week is £520 - £1560 per year.

Let’s say you are 25 and you stay married for 25 years. At the age of 50, close to retirement, he will have wasted £39,000.

If he had spare money to gamble then great. But sometimes you can’t buy toilet roll!!

You are doing the right thing stopping bank rolling him while he is gambling and while he won’t keep a job.

You can’t force him to change but you can put in but boundaries around what you will or won’t do. Not topping his income up while he is gambling is a first step.

I think you need legal advice now to protect yourself in the future too. This man does not respect you. Marriage ties your finances.

3luckystars · 07/04/2026 08:14

He probably has loans out.
Open your eyes, I know you are trying to help him but you are not.
I know you will not take this advice but I wish I had. When you find the loans, don’t pay them off. Don’t ‘sort it out’ for him because the next time the loans will be even bigger. You will spend your life looking over your shoulder. He is defensive because he is deceiving you. I’m sorry you are in this situation.

Look for the loans. Best wishes x

MatronPomfrey · 07/04/2026 08:17

Your DH is a gambling addict and nothing will change until he wants to. Separate all finances, don’t let him have access to your savings or take out credit in your name. Definitely don’t have children with him. He’s being defensive to stop you asking questions. He’s lying and doesn’t want to get caught. You’ll have a life of misery and never be able to trust him if he doesn’t address his addiction. Gambling is an increasing problem because of the easy access to it on apps. It may seem extreme, but divorce and moving on would increase your chances of long-term happiness.

Lennonjingles · 07/04/2026 08:27

What you both really need to do is sit down and write out all outgoings to see what is left over for both of you. You are in a marriage partnership whereby you both need to know exactly where your money goes. It does sound like he has a lot of additional expenses ie car, loans which probably take a good chunk of his money each month, but you should know how much this actually is.

My DH gambles, but sets himself limits, we can afford what he spends easily, but it does add up. My 2 adult sons and one gf also gamble weekends, but they enjoy it and would rather do this than go out for meals or to the pub drinking, where they would spend far more.

LycheeFizz1972 · 07/04/2026 08:31

I wouldn’t risk a shared account.

I would work out his share of the bills and rent and have him pay that share to you. You then pay all the bills etc so that you know it has been done.

The money he has left in his account is his own to spend as he sees fit and if he runs out then that’s it. Don’t give him anymore.

ohwtf · 07/04/2026 08:34

Stop enabling him and tell him he needs to stop gambling. He will be spending way more than he claims, they always do. The reason why people say LTB with gambling, is because gamblers lie through their teeth, blow all their money, and then start blowing yours and take loans etc out in their partner's name. It destroys everything. It's a lifetime risk and not worth it.

HScully · 07/04/2026 08:37

Burgundyflower · 07/04/2026 00:37

Well, divorce is quite extreme - why’s that always an option? I didn’t say he isn’t hardworking, he does provide when he’s able to but I’ve also recognised that he clearly has a problem with budgeting and clearly gambling. I think with support he can sort it out.

A gambling addiction is quite extreme. It will impact you for the rest of your life if you stay with him. They also tend to escalate chasing a win. He is likely to become in debt if he isn't already

Do not give him any more money. I would also ensure he is paying living costs 50/50.

At the moment he values you lower than gambling, and is massively taking the mick out of you. I know this is hard to hear